Going back to work after a miscarriage

Emily I’m so sorry 😢 I don’t think the pain ever goes away. It just gets easier with time. Have you got a good support system or anyone you can talk to. I felt like I didn’t talk enough about it when it happened to me. My heart goes out to you 💗

Don’t have advice, just wanted to say how sorry I am! Your rainbow baby will be here soon enough and will be that much more amazing! Prayers for you!

I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyone’s experience will be different. If you don’t feel ready it’s totally understandable. It takes so much time. And in that moment nothing helps. Nothing. I felt so alone and lost. I hope after your Christmas break it’s starts to get slightly easier. My heart goes out to you 💕xxx

I went back on Friday, i thought i was doing ok until my line manager had a go at me for being off, apparently the kids missed out on learning (never mind my miscarriage or the fact i might still be grieving) anyway... I completely broke down and ended up coming home at lunchtime. I wasn't ready to go back maybe... Really take aslong as you need because work only cares about work unfortunately (in some cases). X

That's terrible that your work are making you feel bad. I think it's very strange that people expect you to brush off miscarriage just because it's relatively common. Childhood mortality used to be common too (and very sadly still is in some places) but you wouldn't be expected to just 'get over' that straightaway. Something being common doesn't mean it isn't hugely painful. It can also be physically a very big deal. My second miscarriage was like a real labour, with hours of contractions that I'd say were as tough as in my full-term labours, plus lots of blood loss and fainting afterwards. In the UK we get a year off work to recover from full-term labour, so you really should get as much time as you need for recovery after a miscarriage. Are you a member of the trade union? They might be able to give you a lot of support, either to talk to/complain to your work or just to make you feel better supported.

1 reply

It’s so frustrating and sad that people who have suffered a miscarriage it made to feel like they have to just ‘get over it’ it doesn’t matter how far gone you are a loss is a loss and you should be entitled to time to be able to grieve. I’m so angry at my work for making me feel this way

I had my misscarriage at christmas last year (lasted 5weeks), I took 2weeks off (the last 2weeks) and honestly going back to work helped me, it helped keep me occupied and getting back Into a routine really helped. Work were fantastic with me and checked in with me regular to check how I was coping xx

My GP has said take as long as you need, do you need to do what is best for you xx

Thank you so much to everyone you’ve really made me feel less alone. My job was very understanding and supportive at first until I actually went back I’ve now been made to feel pathetic and like I just have to get on with it !! I have reduced my hours down instead of not being there at all. However this is still hard. I’m hoping the Christmas break will help me through a lot of it.

1 reply

I'm in the exact same position. I'm a secondary school teacher and initially took the 2 weeks off before my scan to rest as i knew by then it was non viable l. I then took off another week after my miscarriage to recover and i am due back tomorrow but although my line manager is not supportive or empathetic towards my situation, he cares more about who will teach the kids etc... I am trying to look out for myself and will see how i feel after being back tomorrow and over the weekend. Hope you're okay xx

My first pregnancy was a blight ovum but I still had to pass the sac and it was painful emotional and psychically they ended up taking me to the hospital. I ended up taking a week or two off. When I got back I had trouble focusing and the people I work with made it worse. Do whats best for you and take your time love. Allow yourself to heal mentally and emotionally before going back to work.

I am a teacher and it was extremely hard going back to work after 3 of my miscarriages. Sometimes I’d have waves come in wheee I couldn’t function. I removed taking yo to 4 weeks each time.

When I had my miscarriage I literally took two days off as I couldn't face being home by myself, I too work with children and found it extremely hard to be there but my employers were amazing and gave me all the time I needed to get back into the classroom. If you need more time, then take it, as your body is still healing as well and you don't want to put too much pressure on yourself xx

Hey Emily, So sorry for your loss. If you feel that this is too soon, give yourself some more time to heal. Xx I had also a miscarriage and I was also working with children. Likewise I went back within two weeks, wanting to keep myself busy and my mind occupied, but it didn’t feel right. So I took a longer break with my partner and talked it through. I also started being more open about it and that helped me a lot as I met other woman that had been through the same experience.

I had my misscarriage the second last week in November,&went in for a couple of hours 2 days, a week before Christmas,but didn’t go back fully until after the Christmas break. So about 6 weeks in total (I had already booked 2 weeks off for Christmas). I remember my bereavement midwife telling me the average is 6 weeks,but again,everyone is different,&some peoples situations don’t allow you to take too long off. I didn’t care about not been paid, but luckily work paid me in full. They were also very flexible when I did return, the grief can hit you in waves out of nowhere xx

It took awhile to confirm the miscarriage so I was working as a summer school teacher when I found out. Everyday was hard but I was in therapy and I talked to my best friend and sister in law frequently.

I'm so sorry for your loss Emily. It's so hard to figure out the right time to go back. I've been through an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage this year and the first loss I took 5 weeks off but the miscarriage I only took 1. Covid has been a blessing and a curse in the healing process as I've been fortunate to be able to work from home and get back up to speed at my own pace but also it's also been so isolated. My main advice would be to keep an open dialogue with your manager, recovery isn't linear and you'll find some days harder than others. It sounds like your job isn't as easy as mine to step back from or slow down when you need to, so maybe you and your manager can work out a plan for when you need a bit of respite. If your workplace/finances allow it, don't be afraid to ask to go back on sick/compassionate leave for a while longer.

Emily, I am so so sorry for your loss. I took off a few extra days around a holiday.. so I was away from work for about a week. I also worked w children at the time. (It wasn't enough time, but its all I could take off..) there is no 'right' or 'wrong' amount of time.. you do what YOU need to, to take care of yourself.. A few thoughts -make sure to get all the support & help you need (friends, family, support from co-workers) - one day at a time -be present in the moment (when you find yourself spacing out , do some grounding techniques) And if you are still struggling i would gently recommend speaking to a mental health professional Sending you love and prayers 🙏🏼🤍🌿