My son is almost 2, and between being a wife and a mother I completely relate. :/
Self development is very important! Even if it’s 10–15 minutes every morning you get up before her to just work on you.
I totally understand and I chose to go to therapy. It helped a lot.
Oh I feel the same! And it can be a struggle. My kids are older and I still feel this way. My youngest has special needs so his needs can be overwhelming at times. But I did notice a shift once the youngest was about 3. They didn’t need ME as much, they needed an adult so I would ask their dad to give me a bit more me time. That did help! But remember we are still people and are allowed to have needs! It’s not selfish to take that time!
You’re not alone in this department. So many mums feel the same. Find yourself a hobby or passion and work towards some goals. I felt the same so I decided to change it. I started my own online business that I am passionate about and lucky for me my team is a bunch of awesome mums who all felt the same. We now have a common goal we are all working towards while having fun. Best thing I have ever done. My kids still come first but i am doing something for me too x
I completely feel ya Mama...
What did you do before baby? Why did you stop?
I think most of us have felt this way at some point. If u can get some time to yourself and with others that helps. One of the things that I am conscious of is how mothering has in fact changed me and I am different in a lot of positive ways, that helps.
We’ve all gone mad
Giving birth can leads to thoughts of isolation and questioning yourself
Trust me I do it every day to avoid my husbands family. I’ve had thoughts of leaving my husband because of them, but my Husband isn’t the problem. I told him we need our own home or I’ll find my own! I question myself every damn day on why I didn’t leave, but I look at my sweet baby boy n see true love! He’s the reason I keep trying! This was just a joke to make a laugh if you’ve seen Alice and Wonderland!
I'm 28 with a 4 year old and 10 year old. And I felt very much the same which lead to depression and made things worse. Cooley's 'Looking Glass Self' theory I believe is spot on when it asserts we form our identity based on how we perceive other people's reactions to us. So, if when you go out socially and nearly all you can talk about is your husband/kids/house - that is going to be how people identify you, as a homemaker. And that's how your going to feel at the end of the day. I have found educating myself (and through aquiring my formal degree) in the environment, politics, sociology and technology, it has allowed me to connect with people on another level - adding a dimension to my 'identity'. My education helped me so much in feeling validated as a person beyond mother and wife. I don't stop researching once class is over, and it helps A LOT with ice breakers. I also worked on hobbies - I feel like I can contribute more, whether it be knowledge or expression through other mediums.
I wish you and the other women who have commented good luck in finding your identity and asserting it :). Remember, this application is for more than just kiddo playdates - dive beyond shallow conversation topics and you'll be surprised how far they can carry you and how refreshing it can be! 🤗. Mother is just one role we play - this is a generation of multi taskers, you can do it! :) .
I can 100% relate. I get down on myself because I feel like all I can do is talk about my baby/motherhood. No one wants to sit and listen to me talk about my baby lol... I feel like a glorified house maid most of the time.
I can relate babe. I felt that way a long time at first. Now my little one is almost 3 and I made the changes I needed to feel more like the old me. I got back into exercise. I go to the gym w his daycare there and I also go on hikes outdoor exploring when I have alone time. I also got him in daycare a few days a week so I can work on my career. It’s helped ALOT. Try to do something like you used to before you became a mother. Work a bit on yourself.
I am a single mom and know first hand how you feel. It is very important to take some time for yourself. Get a babysitter and go out with your friends, whether it's hiking or just dinner. A happy mom is a better mom. Just my opinion
Today I had about 30 seconds where I felt like my old self. It was a nice feeling but made me realise how much I don’t feel like me anymore
It’s all worth it! You have a little one who sees you as her everything.
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How old is your LO? I struggled with this a lot when first had my daughter. She’s 3 months old now and I’m working again so I feel like I’m starting to get some of my own identity back. But the beginning was an incredibly hard adjustment
I feel this way too only sometimes I feel like my partner sees me as a mother more than a partner. It adds to the anxiety over figuring out this whole new identity. It's isolating and sometimes earth shaking. But it's also a challenge in the best way - every day I mindfully show up for my son. I give him my all. It's my new rhythm. It's the new flow of life. Changing more each time he grows. I've learned a heck of a lot about myself this past year. I mean, truly, having a kid is such a mind blowing experience. I think the secret is to care about what you think, only you. Knowing your strengths before even considering how others perceive you. Then ask how your child sees you...that comes second. Anything else is just not that important.
I felt that way the first year and a half. PPD a bit and PTSD from baby having reflux. Totally normal. Get out as much as you can even if I didn't want to it helped have some me time.
I’m in the same boat. I feel like my friends just see me as the pregnant one of the group and I’m never invited out. Even with my kids (they don’t have kids) they would invite me out but it was only after work for drinks. Just because we have a family doesn’t mean we have changed any. We are all the same person inside and out. They say kids change you but it’s only for the better.
I definitely feel this way. No hobbies, in a new city with no friends, all I do is take care of my son and now I’m pregnant again. I feel like my own body isn’t even mine anymore.
Same here. I came from a foreign country and now I have to live here with a baby with zero friends and family around
I fee the same way too
I don’t feel like I’m me anymore I love gone through so much it hard for me but if need a friend can always talk to me
I had this feeling just the other day. My fiance's been hanging out with his best friend again since he moved to our town and leaving me and the kids home all the time. I've been working crazy overtime and if I'm not at work I'm at home. I don't have many friends except my work friends and most of them don't have kids :( it's just my babes and me and my fiance.
I can relate 😭
I feel that way sometimes too. It's weird, I spend all my day doing things for my family. I only work the weekends and I spend all my money on my son or on groceries. I need mom friends.
It comes with the territory. I felt this way especially with family. Its just very important you still find things that you like to do so you have things to talk about outside of your child(ren). I went through this and call my family out on it to. Sometimes they don't realize.
I'm a first time new mom and am definitely feeling this. I just assume with time (and as our kid(s) get more independent), we can get a little more time to be ourselves. Right now, it's all about the baby, which is ok. But I'm hoping when I get back to work, I'll feel more like myself.
Same here. I dont let it bother me. I know who I am. I am the black sheep in my family. Ever since my Mom passed away... I'm irrelevant. It hurts sometimes but I know that i am someone.. Im raising 3 kids and they look up too me soooo much... I cant fail me and certainty not them. Keep your head up and faith high. You are somebody .. Sometimes we have too recreate ourselves.
I’m having similar feelings, especially with breastfeeding where it’s starting to feel like my body, which was already kind of “not mine” for 10 months, is still no longer mine indefinitely. I don’t want to totally lose myself, which is why I agree with the people here who mentioned hobbies- even shows or books to get really into-something that you feel is yours and you feel can give you a feeling of individual accomplishment. You don’t have to lose yourself- you’re still there! Being a mother is just a new facet of your being. I get being disheartened, though.
I feel the same way ! I feel like I’m his fiancé , his kids mother , my kids Mother , not and individual . Sometimes I feel as though I have to live up to everyone’s expectations and their version of me , I’m trying to live for myself ,. But it’s hard . Very hard .
I can relate 100%. It’s been a rough transition. I stopped working to stay home and I feel guilty for wanting to go back to feel like myself again. You are totally not alone in feeling this way!
Same 😭😭😭 I'm sorry luv
I am only a mom and wife, I’ve been a mom since I was 17 and now at 31 with 5 kids and a husband I have no identity.... I don’t even know where to began to recover myself
I feel like i've become a robot and only just surviving. Anytime my husband gives me "me" time i just want to sleep. Nobody asks about me or how i'm feeling either. Your totally not alone
Sometimes I feel like I am just responsible for others than responsible for myself and love myself to the point I that I know what I like or love.
Having children sometimes can take your identity I can’t even plan a date without worrying about the children!
It's very important you get "me" time. My husband forces me out of the door to do something on my own once a week lol even if I don't want to go / have no idea what to do!
Yes I guess I am very lucky. My husband is the one who wanted a family initially so he takes fair share of his responsibility. We co sleep as well so he deals with it in the night just as much. It really does depend on the guy I guess. This doesn't mean it won't change for me in the future. We all go through different things in life and I don't take for granted how lucky I am right now. If the time comes where we don't have him any more I'm just going to have to embrace my new role as "just someone's mum" and try to deal with that as best I can. I've had 38 child-free years to be my own person so I'm ready for it x
Lucky you ! My husband doesn’t understand that I need “me” time. I’m with them from moment I wake up to moment I go to sleep. Not to mention one of the girls sleeps with me. And then when weekend comes and my husband is home I just wanna check out. But obviously can’t lol but God forbid I don’t wanna do anything and just spend time in bed, cuz I’m so burned out. It would be the end of the world. So I never even do that
Sounds to me like you need to get out and do more on your own, alone. 🤷🏻♀️ even if it’s the little things like grocery shopping. Leave the babies with their daddy for awhile sometimes so you can just be you. ☺️
What if it’s not possible for some ? I wasn’t the one who made the post. But I feel just like she does ! 😫