Not what I expected....

I had the perfect pregnancy... never even nauseous.... then after a traumatic 37hr natural labor. My baby girl was born not breathing (meconium aspiration) she was immediately taken from me to go to the NICU for 5 weeks on a ventilator, we didn’t know if she was going to make it for a little while. Then she had to come home with a G Tube and that came with a lot of baggage. I’m beyond grateful that God got her through it and she’s now home, healthy and amazing! But I sometimes grieve for all the things I missed out on and it makes me feel guilty. Not being able to hold her when she was born for a week, my husband not cutting the cord, no newborn pictures (other than in the hospital with tubes all over her), her being drugged unconscious for over a week, living with her in a hospital room the whole time, not being able to show her off because of COVID.... I’m definitely blessed to have her at all but all the excitement of a new born just fell by the way side and it makes me sad, not to mention terrified of having another baby 😔 I will say though she is amazing and worth the wait!

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3 years ago

I think it’s okay to be deeply grateful and yet mourn the precious moments you didn’t get to have. Mommy emotions don’t have to be one dimensional at all. Wish you the best 🙏🏼

3 years ago

Hi I went through something similar and it affected me a lot mentally too but after time I was able to come to terms with it and now I'm just so happy to have a healthy son and I'm looking forward to having another baby hopefully in the near future. I just want you to know you're not alone and it's totally normal! Looking back I had post natal depression and couldn't imagine ever feeling normal again, it helps talking to someone about it x x

3 years ago

Sending you lots of love and strength to keep going. I know I’m these situations we can find strength in most unusual places of ourselves. You are doing great ♥️♥️♥️

3 years ago

It's human to mourn for the things you missed out on when you have this idea of "normal" in your head because you're comparing yourself to everyone else. I've experienced my own disappointments with all 3 of my labors/deliveries and had to grieve over it. It has nothing to do with your next baby though. Don't let this experience keep you from having more children. I know it's hard, but try to remind yourself to be thankful you didn't lose your baby. This is what I do when I catch myself feeling down. There are so many out there with fertility issues or have suffered losses.

3 years ago

Praying for you. I know the feeling my youngest was born at 37 weeks via c-section she wasn't breathing and had the cord wrapped around her neck the drs had to shock her 2 times to bring her back she was in the NICU for almost 7 days hooked up to machines her lungs were filling with carbon dioxide and she was diagnosed with having respiratory distress syndrome we didn't know if she was going to make it or not but she did and we are very thankful she is now almost 2 months old and has breathing problems