Guilt over quitting breastfeeding?

I only made it a month with our daughter. I was flat and inverted. My daughter is now 2 and she perfect.

Hi 🙋🏻‍♀️ I stopped breastfeeding starting around 8 weeks and went through the same spiral of guilt. I think the intense pressure to breastfeed combined with messages that are given to first time moms that formula is “bad” makes the guilt worse. The most important thing is that baby is fed and loved AND mama is doing well too. If breastfeeding causes mental strain then it’s not working. You are doing great and your baby is adorable! Feel free to message me if you want to chat 💜

I went through this as well. I was doing so good!!! I made it a month but I was only pumping. My daughter had a lip and tongue tie which made it difficult to feed. She was born February 20 and then covid hit so her appointment to have the procedure done was pushed out. Once it was done I tried breastfeeding and I just couldn’t. I was sad that I started formula feeding. Now that she’s going to be a year I am grateful I did! I have an 8 year old that was doing distance learning (& has learning disabilities) and a 2 year old that needed my attention. It gave me so much more time with my other kids and now I’m very happy I did formula. As long as our babies are fed that’s what matters! I promise it gets easier!!

I went through the same this with my son, I had a good supply but my son wouldn’t latch. I spent 3 months pumping but then same thing it just was very overwhelming to keep up with. This time around my daughter is EBF and it’s been a lot easier not having to deal with bottles but the first week and a half was very uncomfortable! Turns out my daughter had a upper lip tie and tongue tie. Just curious if your baby was checked for this and that’s what could be contributing to the latch issue ?

I only made it two months with my first and I wanted to go a full year! Honestly I was miserable and I felt that my baby wasn’t getting the nutrients she needed. I couldn’t do anything and it’s kind of isolating. To go through all that with my first baby took a huge toll on my mental health. It sounds crazy but it did. Baby daddy really started pushing me to formula feed and it changed the game!! I FINALLY bonded with my baby. I didn’t have the immediate connection with her that most mommies have, and giving up breastfeeding actually allowed me to make a better connection with her. Don’t feel guilty and do what you feel is right for you and your baby!

Hey love, just wanna share my story. I aimed to, only, give my baby girl breastmilk. Being a first-time mom, all I want to do is just trying the best I can. Didn’t realise that some things were really difficult because I aimed too high on my self being the “perfect” mom. Yes, breastfeeding was hard especially in my case. I refused to buy formula for back up & too focused on bf & pumping until I drained myself. Plus, poor latching, my baby rejected my other nipple because my breast is smaller than the other. The worst part was, “low milk supply” because I was too stressed about bf & pumping. At just 2 weeks old, my ped said that my baby girl was “dry”, she suggested that I should give her formula. My heart sank and felt like a failure. My ped booked me on a breastfeeding class and was so good, the nurse said formula is STILL good, “formula helps to complete your baby’s needs.” (Cont)

(Cont) And as much as I ignored my husband to buy formula from the beginning, we finally bought one. He’s my rock and always try to give me confident, saying “Do only what your body can do, you’re the perfect mom to our baby no matter what.” I stopped pumping because it stressed me out. I’m relieved I feed my baby formula, best decision ever. On the other hand, I still nurse her whenever she needs, not for feeding but only when she needs comfort. She’s a perfect & healthy 5mos baby. Jac, you’re an amazing mom to your baby. You made the right decision to give your baby formula, you complete his needs. Do only what you can. Don’t compare yourself to other moms, as they have their own struggles too. Happy mom, happy baby ❤️

Fed is always best Mama, you’re doing great ❤️

I’m still breastfeeding at a year but not by my choice initially. No one tells you how hard it is nor that at times it’s akin to mental torture. Only you can do it so there’s no let up. I only continued as at the time Covid was kicking off and all the baby formula had been panic bought! Be kind to yourself, you gave it a go and your baby had a brilliant start!

My first child didn’t pull so I tried. I tried for 3 weeks and same thing she was not gaining enough.I pumped exclusively for 7 months straight every 3 hours, and bottle fed her formula/breast milk because I could never make enough. Here’s the deal.... we think instinctively we’ll breast feed. We think our bodies were meant to make, carry and deliver babies so naturally it’ll just feed the baby. Well.... if we all lived in a village and all our mothers breast fed and we didn’t live in a society that was just a few decades into supporting women breast feeding then maybe you’d already be well equipped but since that’s not the case and instead of constant education, visual representation and historical passed down advice we set ourselves up for diapause when we struggle. It’s also heavily stigmatized feeding your baby wether it’s breast milk, formula, chicken nuggets or kale we all have judgments. Unfortunately feeding your baby is one of the first lessons in “mom guilt”

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Soon you’ll heal your expectations and just know you’ll be a more relaxed confidant mom knowing they’re getting everything they should and you’re stress relief will rub off on them. Take a eeep breathe and know this journey is just beginning and you’ll have a whole lifetime to judge yourself! Lol 😂

I never tried breastfeeding but it was very difficult for me to come to the decision to only formula feed and I still feel like I’m failing my baby (1 month) somehow by not breastfeeding even though I know I’m not. I chose not to so I could go back on my adderall I use that medication for energy so while it’s not necessary to keep me alive I am a much more healthy and better functioning human when I’m on it the important thing my family and doctors pointed out to me and remind me of is that A) fed is best and B) it’s better for your baby that your healthy (including mental health) and if breastfeeding is too draining for you and hurting your mental health it’s not doing any favors for you or your baby

YES. Oh man. This is hard on your mama heart. You want what you’ve always thought is best (and cheap too) but it is causing suffering. I’m exclusively pumping and bottle feeding now, 9+ months in. This was a hard decision and I often felt regret (until his teeth came in 😅). But i have to remind myself- fed is best. I would LOVE to help you with any exclusively pumping questions. My son’s issue with latching was his pallet was too high and therefor he was having to suck more with his cheeks which were too weak to feed him well enough. I had the dr check multiple times for lip and tongue ties and finally after seeing 15 people, a lactation specialist found the high pallet issue. I can talk more about that with you too if you want. You’re doing a great job and you’re a wonderful and strong mama. This will get better. You were given your baby because you’re the best mama for him/her! ♥️

FTM here too, please try not to beat yourself up about BF, I feel you, I really really tried to bf my little girl, we were in hospital for 5 days after birth, infections, she had tongue tie and was so rigid that it made it hard for her to latch anyway. I pumped for what felt like forever all the time, I kept trying to latch her, I had help from every angle, lactation specialists, health visitors, gp's but it didn't work, I was struggling with PND and PNA anyway and had to give up around the 3 weeks mark. I can honestly say, my stress and anxiety levels went down after starting formula but I still felt like a crap mum but I look at my baby now and see how much she's developed and how much heavier and healthier she is and I don't worry too much. A happy mum means a happy baby, a well fed baby no matter what way is also a happy baby, fed is best, always ❤️❤️

I had a traumatic birth and lost a lot of blood, then ended up with sepsis and other complications on day 3. I made the decision to move to formula as I just couldn’t sort breastfeeding amongst trying to get better. I completely get your feeling as a I feel like I have failed my baby girl but I think we need to remember that some things we have a choice over and sometimes the choice to move to formula (whilst hard) is better for baby, mum / partner etc. My baby was born small and now piling on the pounds more than if she was BF. You got to remember you did it for 3 weeks which is a huge achievement and the early days are where the most benefit is for baby. A happy mum and fed baby is best so don’t get too hung up on it. Take care x

I had a story similar to yours. I felt so guilty about not being able to exclusively breastfeed for as long as I had planned to. I felt really horrible. One year later I can tell you, I couldn't care less. My son is a happy, healthy toddler who loves me. He grew up perfectly fine on formula. I know you feel bad now. It's normal: at that age, you and everyone is so focus on his feedings, like it's the only thing that matters. It's not. Give it time, the guilt will pass.

It was for me too. I tried pumping but that hurt too. Your baby will be better than fine!

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i find pumping to be brutally painful!! my nipples literally felt bruised after each session!

Give that s*** up! Don't feel guilty or let anyone else tell you what to do or how to raise your baby.

It’s bloody awful the guilt isn’t it. I didn’t even make 2 months with my first and this pregnancy I was like “right I’m going to do everything to get my supply working and feed this baby solely off me”. Same thing really struggling with supply supposedly. Nothing I try is building it. Catching let down as he’s feeding, expressing after and formula feeding. It is exhausting when it’s a constant cycle but you have to do what’s best for you and family. I’ve broke down many times over it. Just thinking at least he’s had a bit of the milk I’ve made. As has your baby. You’re feeding your baby! We really struggle with feeling we should just naturally be able to do it all. Breastfeeding/milk making really is hard and we don’t give ourselves enough credit. The guilt will pass as you see your baby grow and mature and that you are doing the best by them

Just here to say ITS OK!! You’re an amazing momma and you’re doing awesome girl. Plus your baby is freaking beautiful! Don’t let your hormones take over and make you feel like less of a mom - promise you’re not! ♥️♥️♥️

Yes! My daughter has struggled with latch since birth, almost 5 months ago, we found at the 4 month appt that she has a tongue tie which is the culprit of the latch issue. We have a consult to get it clipped later this week, but because she was not growing on her growth curve ive had to start supplementing with formula and pumping like you, and I've been feeling like giving up on breastfeeding because it's just SO much, and tiring. Im really trying to hold out until the lip tie gets clipped

thank you all so much!!! reading each of your comments and personal experiences with this has honestly made me feel so much better!! theres so much pressure on us mommas and mom guilt is so real! thank you from me and baby Robbie 🥰

I have flat/inverted nipples and really struggled for the first few weeks to breastfeed. My baby wasn’t gaining enough weight either so I ended up exclusively pumping for the first year. Lots of tears were shed. It’s okay that you feel that way. You’re a good mom either way!

The EXACT same thing happened to me! I just stopped pumping, I’m on day 2 and I feel so guilty, but it wasn’t worth it. I tried everything- lactation cookies, tea, lactation pills, drank so much water I was in the bathroom as often as I was when I was pregnant, coconut milk, body armor drinks...literally everything and it got to the point where I would pump for 20 min and barely get an oz. To top it off, when my milk would come in, I would get clogged and it would be so painful. It literally happened every single time. I think all the pressure of people asking if we’re breastfeeding and the whole “breast is best” makes us feel bad about it. I’m still struggling with how I feel about it, but I honestly feel less stress about not having to pump all the time. Every time my alarm would go off to pump, I would sigh. I definitely don’t miss washing all the pump parts, and I get to spend more quality time with my baby and dogs. We just have to stay positive!

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yes!!! the pumping for 20 mins for an oz is what i was getting too!! and my poor nipples felt pulverized!! the whole thing was making me feel so discouraged, i don’t understand the guilt i feel because i tried really hard!

I'm literally going through the same thing right now. I made the choice yesterday to stop pumping. My son was born early and I haven't been producing much milk. He is 3.5 weeks old. He has never been able to latch right so I was pumping and giving him formula in addition to what I pumped. Yesterday it just got to be too much. I was sitting there pumping and I wasn't even getting half an ounce out of both breasts combined. I have the same guilty feeling like you and keep telling myself I shouldn't but I still feel that way.

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same!!! and did the pump hurt like hell?? my nipples felt bruised every time 😔

It actually got to the point where I could barely feel the pump. I had to keep checking it to see if it was actually working.

I didn’t breastfeed because baby had a terrible tongue tie and sore neck from forceps delivery. By the time both were resolved he wasn’t interested in breastfeeding. I pumped for four weeks, but only 1/3 of what he was eating because who the heck has time to pump every two hours. We were also moving to the other side of the world when he was 4 weeks old so I only pumped until we flew to give him some immunity on the flight as it was pre injections and during covid times. Well when I take him to hang out with other babies he is very healthy looking (looks like he ate the other baby who is the same age 😂). He is one healthy and happy little bubba that’s for sure.

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definitely nobody has time to pump every two hours! i was running myself down trying!

Oh he's so beautiful. Congratulations!!! Don't feel guilty about quitting breastfeeding. At least you gave it a try. Unfortunately for me, I couldn't because I have small nipples my son couldn't latch on. I tried pumps but just didn't work for me. I don't plan on breastfeeding little one who is on the way either, well I guess I'll try but if I can't I won't feel guilty.

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thank you!! 💗

I’m just going to point out that it doesn’t matter if you breast or formula feed.... your little man is still being fed and you are being an amazing mummy by ensuring that his needs are met. You put yourself through the wringer for weeks and you have emotionally and physically drained yourself. You need to look after you too xx

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you are right, i honestly tried so hard! and i think i really was forgetting me in that process til i got completely overwhelmed with it and had to stop and go with formula only 💗

My mental health suffered SO much with feeding cause I was too tired to pump and figure it out. A breastfeed doctor told me that a) babies only need half the breast milk to get its full benefits and b) breast can also be for the purpose of comfort. This alleviated my guilt a lot! I now breast feed from 2-11pm with bottle top ups and then the rest of the time I do formula cause it’s easier during my sleep time. My supply has gone down but I needed a few months to transition into hopefully doing more. No guilt ever for your mental health !!!! Also- pumps don’t work as efficiently as babies! When a pump gets 1oz out, a baby will get double and in half the time.

Noone really prepared me, I didn't know what tongue tie meant and that certain breast types make it more difficult to breastfeed. It hurt all the time and I thought it is my fault as I don't help him to latch on well. When he kept losing weight and refused to go on the breast on week 2 that's when my EBF finished. I was so sure I will be able to do it. I naively thought that those who don't breastfeed all chose not to... Because you are inundated with messages like women who can give birth can breastfeed too... And breast is best, etc. All the help before birth was: you breastfeed 15 mins on 1 side before change sides. After birth in the hospital the help was: a midwife came, put him into position and shoved my boob into his mouth... A lactational consultant was the first one to help, the tongue tie was cut and although he never got back to exclusive breastfeeding, he is mixed fed at month 4. But I cried every day in the beginning, I felt such a failure, I thought I messed up!

This exact same thing happened to me with my first baby! I only made it to 4 weeks breast feeding, but her first week home from the hospital we needed up getting re-admitted because she lost too much weight and wasn’t gaining because she wasn’t getting enough from me. I also had to supplement formula and pump at every feeding and it got to be so stressful and mentally exhausting. I just never produced enough for her even at the one month mark. I felt so guilty like you do, but that guilt slowly fades away once you see how much easier it will be on you! It also made me feel better when I saw my daughter gaining weight a lot faster and overall being more satisfied and content after feedings. Hang in there mama! It’s okay to have these feelings❤️

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that is one thing that does make me feel better is seeing that my son is full after feedings, when i was ebf he constantly seemed hungry even after trying to feed for so long!

I wanted to breastfeed, but baby had tongue tie, baby is 4 weeks old today and I’ve been expressing every 3 hours since he was born 😭 my back is in pieces from constantly being hunched over, I don’t get any sleep as once he has been fed and changed and I’ve got him back to sleep and then expressed I get maybe an hour before he is awake again 😭 It’s so much hard work and I don’t think people realise until they do it themselves!! I’m making the decision today to phase out expressing and introduce formula so I can cut back a bit and lower my supply. After reading everyone’s comments I feel a lot less guilty. I gave him the best start and he’s had a month of exclusive breast milk and will continue having a couple off feeds a day with what I express.

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the back pain is the worst right?! it is very physically demanding and time consuming pumping, with the feeding then formula then pumping then washing everything it really was feeling like my entire day was taken up by all of it!

It really is, I’m in agony, it’s mentally demanding aswell, I’m obsessed about how much I’m getting out and making sure I have enough and I just want to relax now and enjoy my baby. If that means giving formula then that’s what I’ll do. I think mums put way too much pressure on ourselves x

Wow reading I felt like I was speaking/typing.lol I feel the ame way my daughter was born Jan 12 at 32 weeks and was at the nicu for two so I didn’t breast feed her right way. I would pump and take her milk. I was told to constantly pump to I can keep my supply but I honestly Wouldn’t do it every 2 hours since I have a toddler to take care of I was also in pain due to the c section and was kinda depressed sue to coming home from visiting her in the movie and not bringing her with us. And when she was finally home I tried breastfeeding but she didn’t want to latch I guess she was use to the bottle already and also because my nipple was to big for her since she was born small 3lbs 11 oz . She’s was about 4lbs when we brought her home. I notices o hasn’t pumping much milk and slowly started giving up. 😭😢 I do still feel bad about it aswell.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, you are taking great care of your son! Fed is best and a mama who is feeling better and not so overwhelmed it’s better for you and baby. Besides he got the best of the milk supply, the colostrum in the first week. Breast-feeding doesn’t work out for everyone, that’s just how it is, nothing to be ashamed of it all. Hold your head up high and enjoy your baby!

There is a lot of emphasis on women breastfeeding as it's considered better for baby. I felt pressured from my MIL too as she kept saying baby needs to get on breast (my daughter was in NICU for 10 days and being fed through a tube to begin with). I tried breastfeeding for about 3 weeks too but did use bottles too so my husband could feed our baby too. Eventually I just said I wanted to move to bottles exclusively and he supported me. I did express for as long as I could but she gained weight and that's what's important.

Do not feel guilty! Look at how beautiful your little one is, and you grew him all yourself and kept him safe in a cosy home for 9 months 💕 He’s had 3 weeks worth of antibody cover etc. from the breast milk. But the most important thing is that feeding works for both of you. It’s not worth ruining those precious moments with your baby boy having to stress about feeding. Be proud of everything you’ve achieved, and how beautiful your little boy is x

I made it to 5.5 months and I feel overwhelmed by guilt for wanting to stop. He eats so much and I just can’t keep up while working full time too. I cry every night bc I feel like I’m not trying hard enough. 😔