to go back to work or stay home

I work full time and I wouldn't have it any other way that's just me. Frankly we couldnt survive financially if I didn't work. So it might have made things easier since I don't have a choice but I'm really glad with how things are. I have no regrets whatsoever. My daughter and I are happy and healthy and shes well taken care of while I'm working. It's hard to work and be a mom. Its tiring. And we all know work is not "me time" lol. But its doable and its totally worth it. Theres no right or wrong you just have to follow your heart :)

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I don’t have a choice either. I’m there for my daughter 24/7. Without help. So working for me it’s helping. But I love it when I pick her up from daycare and she runs to give me a hug. I love moments like that.

Could you do both? Maybe take advantage of being able to stay at home with your LO for a couple months then returning to work? I work full time but I also work from home so I'm able to get the best of both worlds. However , I did enroll my LO in daycare also because it was getting to be too much to have her at home with me while I was trying to work so she goes to daycare part time. Because of that her socialization skills are fantastic. She never went through separation anxiety or the "stranger danger" phase that babies go through. Granted, she has brought home some germs but better now than when she gets to elementary school. Because she only goes part time I don't feel like I miss out on her growing up. In my opinion, I don't think it would be terrible of you to return to work part time. Having that normalcy will go a long way in keeping you sane. 😀

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Hi Jules, my situation is very similar to yours, and my baby is turning 3 months this weekend and I am due to start working again mid-January when he will be 4-1/2 months. My mom is staying with us until the end of January, and I am still debating what to do. As of right now I don’t get much done, and I am not sure much will have changed in 2 months. My idea is to have a nanny with me so I can actually work, but once a week I do have to attend meetings and the other days my work requires lots of phone time so I am not sure how this will all work. I am just letting you know my situation to see if you can relate and share more about your experience. 🤗 How old was your baby when you put him/her on daycare? I really don’t want to give up my career but I also don’t want to my on anything with my baby and I would prefer to continue breastfeeding him...anyways, a little about my story 🥰

I can’t work from home but part time would be 2-3 days a week. I do agree about daycare. I do think she can look so much by going. I’ve already been home with her since she’s been born. I’m due to go back mid December if I do. I guess I can always test it out and see if it works for me.

Personally, I would stay home! You will miss out on SO much. If you are financially able to stay home do so! Daycares really aren’t as educational as you think. Your child will most likely end up with bad behaviors because they are hanging out with other kids that have been taught that. Your child will also get sick constantly! Flu, hand foot mouth, etc! NOT WORTH IT! That is my personal opinion...in my mind the safest and most educational place for a child is with their mother... not in a daycare with 10+ other kids.

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That’s what I’m worried about. She may be our only child and I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out.

If you can work part time that sounds like the best of both worlds to me! My daughter is thriving in daycare but I miss her dearly and can’t wait to be on maternity leave again to spend my days with her. I would love if I had he opportunity to work part time!

It’s really individual. When I first got pregnant, my plan was to return to work. My husband wouldn’t graduate college until 6ish months after the baby would be born and I had been the sole provider while he was in school. As my pregnancy progressed, plans changed. My husband got an amazing internship over the summer that allowed him to bring home more money than I did (I was a social worker, he’s an engineer). We saved all his internship money and I let work know I wasn’t coming back. Everyone said I’d regret it, that after a couple months I’d be running back to work. My girl just turned 13 months yesterday and I LOVE being home with her. Do I get frustrated sometimes? Absolutely. But I wouldn’t trade these last 13 months for anything. I have no plans to go back anytime soon. I’m currently working on my master’s degree. The plan is for me to go back to work part time once all kids are in school. And I want atleast 1-2 more kids 😂😂 But I’ve never been a career driven person. I wanted to be a mom.

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Great to hear you experience Kelsey. I am debating. I posted my situation above, and one thing I always knew is that I wanted to be the one raising my kids, so I am not sure how having a nanny at home with me would impact that plan...ahhh decisions!!

I stayed home for my 1st, it had nice moments and very low ones as well. Having one paycheck made it hard.It also became very lonely. Everyone is so busy. For my 2nd I went right back to work after 7 weeks. Yes, there were first moments that I missed and cried in my office whole working on the computer. But we had money for no worries or watching our wallet. And when my husband was laid off unexpectedly we were still ok. My 2nd is all about daddy and her brother, me not so much. So for my 3rd I decided that I will stay home to work on my connection with my 2nd and be there for all 3. Honestly I hate it. I am now looking for a part time. My advice is if you can live well still with 1 paycheck go for it. If not either go part time or go back full time but make an extra effort to be connected with your LO. If you are a SHAM, get a schedule and make a huge effort to be out of the house, make lots of mommy friends and get ready to work from dusk till dawn. Men tend to not want to help when you are home all day.

I just opened an at home daycare and took in 2 kids so I can make money and still be home with my son all the time!! Maybe work from home?

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I wish that was an option at my job but it isn’t.

Larissa how did you get started with your home daycare?

Everyone is different. Personally I went back to work after having both of my children for financial reasons. If you can afford to stay home I'd say go for it. I do not work close to home so when one of them gets sick it takes 50 mins to get them. It's not easy but if my boss let me work part time I'd take it. Cutting back on the cost of daycare would be amazing.

I’ve definitely struggled with this. I went back to work full time after 4 months and hated it. we had a not so reliable sitter so we enrolled in daycare. I enjoy work and its a breath away from family obligations but I also felt guilty about missing out on time with my son. I don’t mind my son being in daycare part time. I have just recently gotten an overnight job which means less daycare and more time with him during the day throughout the week. I think it’s about finding whatever balance you think is best for you. we’re all different but if you find what works for you and your family, then rock on lady!

Stay home. This is crucial to baby's development and your relationship

I think when it comes to the babes, you won't ever look back and think 'Gosh I wish I went back to work (sooner)' but may perhaps regret not seeing your babes every day while they are young. In saying that though, while yes you are a mum, you are still you. So, if you like the idea of going back to work then do it gurl! Your work has offered part time so you do kind of have the best of both worlds. Mummy time and career/personal time. Perhaps maybe look at it from a different perspective. Family holidays for instance /lifestyle choices in general. If holidays, trips, private schools etc are important in your family and you can afford to do these staying home vs not. If you are financially able to not have to go back then thats awesome but remember alot of families don't have this option and their families are doing great... I say this to try and put perspective on the fact that if you want to go back to work then obvioualy it will be hard in a different way but you and bub/ family will abe fine.

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Either way, try not to give yourself the guilts. Regardless of the option you decide you are doing whats best for your family, just in a different way xx

If I could afford not to work hell yea!

I was set on staying home with my first and by month 6, i needed to get back to work for my own sake. I was slowly losing myself. i was really uneasy about daycare too, so i hired a nanny for 3 days and got help from family the other day. i thought I'd miss out on a lot but honestly i think its helped me more a mother. when i was home all day i didn't appreciate or value the time i had with my LO . Now that I'm working, almost all my time at home is cherished with my LO. And weekends are more enjoyable because i use that as me and him time. i wish i had an option of working part time. i think you have a really good opprotunity here to balance both. you should consider it , esp since it would be a small transition from being at home to only working part time. i went from home to full time and i think it was hard for me to not miss him sooo much. also... work is my "me" time. i enjoy hanging out with my co workers and getting jobs done. so it does help you to work.

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That’s how I feel too. It’s not just a job, I genuinely like what I do.

I thought I'd never be a stay at home mom. Literally never crossed my mind. I went back to work for like 6 weeks before my husband's schedule made it difficult. I quit out of necessity but now I'm 5 weeks deep and I love it. It felt like the right choice. You'll feel what's the right choice. You'll get pulled to one or the other. Go with your gut. If you wanna be with the babies then do that! :)

I think it doesnt hurt to tryband go back and see how it goes. You can always quit and stay at home. Thats what im going through right now. I promised myself i would work from September through December and then reevaluate with the new year. My husband and I agreed i should at least try to go back and see how it works for our family.

Girl, stay home and join baby yoga or baby grm classes for the social aspect. I would give anything to be home with my son

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I’m trying to get info on all the classes around me to keep busy if I do decide to stay home. Winter will be tough being stuck in the house but looking forward to nice weather and being out doors all the time!

For me, I always wanted to be a stay at home mom. But I like money. And I dont want to have to have a man tell me that if it weren't for him, I'd have nothing. And that bothers me so much. I work in daycare so my daughter is able to come with me. I still feel like I don't spend enough time with her. It's hard. :(

It's hard to decide. A lot of moms don't have both options. I was in the same situation when my son was 3 months. I had planned on staying home since we started TTC. Then, my boss offered me a raise and a better position (not knowing I was pregnant). I took the position then I went on maternity leave. Because I had been on the job for 5 years and left a few things unfinished, I really wanted to ho back. When my son was 3.5 months, I started working just one day a week while my husband was off so he could watch the baby. Girl, I lasted about 8 weeks! It was too much! Between the sleep deprivation, the pumping, the commute, and just shortening my weekend with my husband, it wasn't worth it. But I will admit, it was hard to let the job go. Hoe that helps!

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I was the same situation. I got a better job with career future. I got my girl to daycare at 3 months. She got sick with pneumonia and we spent 4 days in a hospital. After that I had to stay with her coz she didn’t take bottle only nursing her. Then we hired nanny full time at home, which got very expensive, in addition of dealing with her being not on time, or missing days and you have to find a backup on the spot. Then we sent her to school/ daycare which was also tough coz the days she get sick will have to hire someone for that day. So extra money coz if you miss a day in daycare that day is paid, plus the babysitter for the sick day. Now we have a new baby girl and we decided that we are not going through this again, and best to stay home with the girls. To me it’s not worth it working vs losing a precious moments from your baby. They grow so fast. I love right now having a schedule for all of us. We do activities at home and I’m teaching her through playing.She loves it.

Very similar situation! Like you did I can’t always try and see if it works for me and my family.

When I was pregnant I always thought I would be a SAHM. I left my career when I had my daughter, but totally lost myself in the process. I went from a full time Corporate where I was kicking goals every day, totally in control of my life to all of a sudden earning nothing, in control of nothing (because, babies! 😂) and being totally dependent financially on my husband. It wasn’t a good time for me. I still didn’t want to go back to work however, so I chose to go in to business and put my daughter in child care three days a week. She thrived, I thrived and my husband was happy cause we were happy. Although I work I am not controlled by an employer so still very present. This decision needs to be based on you and what you feel you need. This may cause some raised eyebrows, but in my experience my belief is that mums needs to decide what will make them happy FIRST and then work their family around it. I feel so many mums sacrifice what they want to their own detriment. Just be honest with yourself 😊

It’s a tough decision. As for educational and social perspective - your baby is so young, all they want/need is you. Don’t stress that they aren’t learning/interacting yet at that level. I am a stay at home mom to a single child and I worry about that sometimes too, and when I do I look into free library programs, etc. for the most part though, your baby is completely happy and content learning and being with you.

I have an opportunity as a Customer Service Rep (WFH) position if you may be interestrd.

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🙋🏻‍♀️ me too! Share info please 🙏🏼 & thank you in advance!

I’m interested! 👀

I always wanted to stay home as well. I started having second thoughts when the school year rolled around (I was a teacher). I missed my coworkers and also kinda felt like I was losing my identity as well. My son is now 7 and a half months and I'm so glad that I am home with him. The time goes so quickly I'm glad I'm here to watch him every day. What helps me is to get out of the house or work on some sort of project at home that makes you feel accomplished! For me and my teaching background, I'm planning out how to make home like school for my son!

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I’m struggling with this now. Due in January and debating a leave of absence vs maternity for 3 mos for the baby

Maybe it will be an easier decision once baby comes! It does take a while to get in the swing of being home. Connecting with other moms who stay home, like on peanut 😁, can help you transition too! I'm going to a local activity with someone I met on here today!

I’ve always loved working but now that I’m a mom (3 month old baby boy) I rather be with my baby every chance I get. Of course I miss work and the money and co workers but they way I see it is I’ll always have time to go back to work however I won’t always have the chance to see my little one grow up say his first words take his first steps etc. I understand that working part time might be good but maybe in the future for now your baby needs his mother.

This is such a personal decision, I’ve met moms all over the spectrum on this. I’ll just share my honest story: My first baby was in daycare for her first year of life. It was legitimately traumatic for me, but I didn’t have another option. Everyone kept telling me that it would get easier, and for me, it just didn’t. I was crying at drop off when she was a year old. I felt like I was missing everything, and it still makes me sad that I can’t get that time back. I know she took her first steps in front of someone else. Anyway, I now have another baby, and my husband got a job that supports all of us, so I’m finally at home, with both babies (20 months and 5 months). The days are long, and I’m still adjusting, but I feel such a deep gratitude for spending this time with them. And there is a TON of stuff to do to keep them socially active, we go out every day. I agree that if you feel like you could try work and then quit if you hate it, that might be the best route. Good luck!! <3

I feel like there’s pros and cons to both. But even going part time won’t hurt. If you feel like you’re better off staying home after trying to go back to work, it’s up to you. At least you tried, right?

Stay home! If you don't HAVE to work stay with baby

It’s really hard sometimes but i love working & it gives me great perspective. I can’t believe I’m saying this because my job is pretty hard but it’s a break from taking care of a baby all the time! Working part time is the best of both worlds in my opinion. Leaving for the first time is hard no matter what but it can really be beneficial. Having someone else watch your baby can help you let go of control too. For our family having Daddy time while Mommy is at work is great for us. Everyone is different & do what works for you though!

You can always trial going back to work part time. If it's not working you can leave or drop down more hours?

My son is a year and I just recently went back to work. I was dead set on not going back to work and raising him myself. Plans changed. I’m loving being back to work and he has been in daycare for over a week and absolutely loves it. He has been talking more and I’ve seen a big difference in his personality since he’s been. I use to be so against putting kids in daycare cause you don’t get to watch your child grow through your eyes but it truly is a blessing when you find the right one. Keep your chin up things will work out. What’s meant to be will be.

Hello!! I had this same issue when I had my daughter!! I couldn’t decide what to do! So I found a job that I can work from home! I teach English to children in China! The name of the company is VIPKID!!I work a few hours a week! You make your own schedule!! It gives me a chance to feel like I’m still doing something besides being a mom! Which I love! All you need is a bachelors degree! Vipkid gives you Tesol training for free! They do all the lesson plans/PowerPoints! The classes are 25-28 minutes long and you only work with one student at a time! There is so much more I could go on and on about! If you’re interested send me a note! I’d love to tell you more about it, how it works, and answer any questions you might have!! (Yes it’s a really job, yes I get paid every month, I have been with them over two years now)! teacherAppReferralShare.png Join an industry that is changing lives every day, and change your life, today! https://t.vipkid.com.cn/?refereeId=2147926&partnerId=3724772

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Hi Leigh! I’ve been with vipkid so long that I know what to expect from them versus other companies. Do you have any questions?

Definitely interested in learning more about this!! I’ve thought about joining, there’s so many companies!

I struggled with the same thing, I went back to my PSW job when he turned one. Then I decided to take a leave of absence and I started driving a school bus. He still gets the social skills from the other students, it's a great routine for him and I still get to spend all day with him! :) It's the best of both worlds for us!

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That what I was thinking too. Best of both worlds for all of us.

If you can do it financially, take advantage of staying home. You can always go back to work later on, but you can’t get back time you lost with your little one. I worked while I had my first 2 kids, I’ve been a SAHM now with my 3rd, and the connection and bond is so different. I wish I had the opportunity to stay home for my other two. I’m also more involved in their school and sports. I have a 15 yr old, so being involved in his school and grades is important to us. I’ve been a SAHM for almost 4 yrs, and my old job is constantly wanting me to go back. My old boss still invites me to the office Xmas party 😝 (wish I got the Xmas bonus too) so I know I have the option to go back to work when all my kids are in school or continue to being at home. I plan on going to school to become an esthetician, so that I can work p/t or maybe even from home.

I am in the EXACT situation! I have always LOVED working and having that creative outlet— I thought I could maintain my full-time marketing job and be a new mom but I’m starting to feel the strain. I was offered part-time but my privilege to work remote would go away. My commute to work is about 40-45 minutes and I haven’t found a daycare that I love. Instead I decided I would step down and just focus on growing my Etsy shop from home as a small contribution to my husband’s salary. It’s tough! I hope this can help!

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That’s great! Maybe I can find something from home.

I am not sure where you live but you could look into becoming a cohost for Airbnb. Some people own properties and need help cleaning up between guests who come and stay.

Returned to work 4 years ago after 12 months maternity leave. I'm working part time: 4 days a week. Needed it for my own sanity and to get back to earning money for retirement. Given a chance I would not send my child to nursery, unless it was a very small and homely one. Also given a chance I'd work 3 or 2 days a week instead to be more with my child. They benefit from being with you more than they would from socialising. That's my personal opinion and other people have their own circumstances.

It's a difficult choice for sure! I can only tell you what worked best for me. When my son was born I was able to take three months off, followed by three months part-time. After those six months I was required to go back full-time. I was truly at my happiest when I was working part-time. It was the best of both worlds. I got to spend lots of quality time with my son but never felt too overwhelmed and got a break to be with other adults. My son also became more social when he started daycare. I felt depressed and isolated at times when I was home full-time, but that's just me and I didn't have a mom group for support. Now that I'm back to work full-time, it kinda sucks because by the time we get home I have two hours with my son, mostly taken up by dinner/bath/chores. If I was able to do so financially, I'd be part-time until my kid starts school. Do whatever will make your family happy!

That happened to me as well and then I decided to work from home best decision of my life I dont have to miss anything!

I work part time as a nurse at a location which is 45 and with traffic, 1 hr 15 min away from our sitter. I think about this worry all the time. At this point I try hard to out weight the pros and cons and I cant tell you the time ive spent so far with my son is far greater then anything. What does your mama gut tell you? You got this!!

Whatever it is that you decide, do not feel guilty about your choice. If you feel as though you want to work for a few days a week, do it and don't feel bad. Keeping one's identity is important and having some personal time can be replenishing and help you to be a better Mom overall. Medium sized Day cares that are State registered are likely safer than small at home groups because they are highly regulated and there are multiple trained staff around for support. Imagine a small group with 2 people and 6 infants. One infant chokes and needs to be taken to the hospital. Now there is only 1 caretaker and 5 infants. Not great situations.

Well I’m a 1st time new in the childcare business and I can say this your child will probably get sick being in daycare there’s lots of germs. Also her being that young she may not learn much in childcare and she will be on a feeding routine that might be different from what you do at home and if the childcare teacher isn’t routinely changing your child she could get a diaper rash I’m just saying please stay home a little longer

I work with children, so for me only makes sense to stay at home, because I would give my peanut (I am still pregnant) to someone to look after while I look after someone else’s child. So I chose to work from home. Something totally out of my comfort zone, no experience, but I want to give my future child mum at home with best possible life. I am working hard at the moment so I can enjoy when my baby comes. I really love what I do, but I love my child more. So I would suggest to think and choose what’s more important to you, job or a child. If you can be stay at home mum do that! And you can always go back to work when the child is in nursery or school.

I run my own health and wellbeing buisness from home with my daughter and i love it. She goes to the childminder 1 day a week just to help her social skills and gives me a day to get a few bits done without her around like a bath and hoovering as shes scared of the hoover. Sometimes a cheeky massage;) xx

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I work with aloe vera based products all natural, animal safe family friendly and loads more! They contain nothing but natural goodness! I love it, its not easy its fair amount of work but i love the products and love working with my Daughter! (: Im also a very passionate mobile hairdresser when little one allows! Xx

Wow! What is your health and well-being business? I like to try and support mama businesses when I can :)

I’m dealing with the same issue. My baby boy is 4 months old and I’m considering going back to work as well. I thought I would like being home all day, but I actually don’t. I really want some adult interaction. Lol. But I’m starting with at home job until he’s old enough for daycare. I think he’s too young right now.

I would say stay with your baby as much as you can and try to look for some work from home so you are not completely dependent on your husband. At least I cannot be totally dependent especially because I love shopping and still have to pay my stupid student loans:))

Go back part-time. Best of both worlds?!

I stayed home with my son till he was 5.5 months old and then I had to work for the summer before going back for my last year of college in the fall. PPD hit me pretty hard at that point and I was miserable leaving him at daycare all the time, but I knew I needed to finish school. I graduated and have been home with him since May, he’s turning 2 in a couple weeks. For me it was just too hard to be away from him and have other people taking care of him as such a small kid. I’m now pregnant with our second, and we might start my son in a little preschool part time next fall. I figure once our second turns one, I’ll start either working again or thinking about starting my next degree, but we’ll see where I am. It’s all about mental health for me, so if you would be happier working part time, then do it!

Only advice I have is work something. Seems scary at first but the social interaction for you and still have something that makes you feel like other than a mom is huge. I only work 3 days a week for 4-5 hr shifts. We worked it so My husband watches them before work of an off day. I feel like your kids cant miss you if you never leave too. Same idea with them. You need some away sanity time. Momming is tough stuff! Ill admit i cried the whole way to work my first day back after #1. After #2 i ran out the door! Lol.

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😂

Go! Do it! That little part time break, if you like the job, will help you keep hold to who “you” are and a happy mom is a better mom than when we are unhappy. And people will give you crap either way, so you have to do what works for your family.

If u go to work I have a perfect babysitter

If you feel like you’re ready to go back to work and your job is willing to work with you, do it. I’m a first time mom too and while I’m not going to put my child in daycare, I’m fortunate enough to have my sister available to baby sit

I was in the same position as you so I ended up going on call(only had to work 4 days a week), now that my sons about to be 8 months old I just started going back to work part time I love it but hate it. It’s nice to be getting out of the house and having social interactions with another adult and having extra side money but it is very hard because I think of my son non stop. You should really weigh out your pros and cons and if you do end up wanting to work would an on call position be an option for you?