Community Posts, Tips & Support on Toddler & Child

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I just need to vent.

Im scared of my nonverbal autistic son. He has been having behavioral issues for awhile. He's hit me, grabbed my head and headbutted me a few occasions. Hes much bigger and stronger than me at 11 years old. This has been addressed with the appropriate therapists. However his therapists and school teachers have brought up their concerns multiple times in regards to when he hits puberty and his aggressive behavior increases. Theyre worried for my safety and ive been asked to look into seeing about part time group homes in case it gets to a point where I can no longer care for him on my own. Im just devastated. The entirety of his childhood ive had to grapple with the knowing that our lives will never be normal, ill never do the normal things that other moms get to do with their sons. But something kept me going.. and that something I was holding on to was that my baby boy will live with me forever. That was what got me through these dark days. Now I don't have that. Im lost on how to cope. My biggest comfort was knowing I have so much time. Now I have even less time than parents of nuerotypical kids. My heart hurts. And this time I'm not sure if it will ever stop.

FIL still can’t spell name correctly

My FIL was sitting with my 3 year old and writing out all the family members names and when I came through I noticed he’s spelled my name incorrectly. The thing is I’ve been with his son for 16 years now, they’ve been living with us for 2 years, also my name is literally 4 letters long!

At this point I’m starting to feel blatantly disrespected. Like I’ve had 2 of his grandchildren and he can’t be bothered to learn the correct spelling of my first name!

Not quite sure how to deal with it as he’s now teaching my daughter the incorrect name.

How would you feel? Comment what you would suggest I do.

I have vocalized my distaste to my husband over the matter but I’m not sure he’ll say anything.

Not being taken seriously

Hey there, just wanted to come on here quick. My boyfriend is just not stepping up at all. I’ve been noticing reduced movements with my baby and not feeling quite right within myself and questioning how my pregnancy is going. He keeps dismissing my concerns i had to go up to triage with my mum got a scan booked in to check on baby, if placenta is working correctly and blood flow. It really worries me how much he dismisses my concerns it very well doesn’t feel like he will be any support when i go into labour. I just am giving up on even speaking to him regarding our baby it does sadden me but i just don’t feel i have trust in him.

Childcare cost

I'm due back to work in September. I have an okay job where I earn around £40k / year but with the cost of the childcare (even with the funding included), I will have nothing left at the end of the month. I'm planning to go back 4 days a week so my salary would reduce accordingly. I am in absolute shock as before I have saved around £600 / month. How can people even afford to live?? I am literally heartbroken..

Advice

Advice

My partner works away most weeks all week.

We have two toddlers and my 3 year old has autism and is hardly sleeping. I am also pregnant.

He works 9-5 away and has every evening to himself goes for dinner with work friends etc.

He’s alway saying I do nothing and I’m useless and lazy. I do everything for my children even spend most nights awake. Take my boys to pre school and sort all his health care appointments.

He’s come in today saying the house is a mess even though it’s just a pile of washing and the other mess is all his work paperwork and clothes he dumps. I always used to sort it all out time and time again but he gets the hump and messes everything up.

He never spends anytime with the children one on one maybe driving the around but never anything in the house alone .

I was starting to clean the kitchen tonight after I made everyone dinner and he was like our LB needs a shower due to having his hair cut and I said why don’t you do it then and he starting kicking off saying I’m lazy he’s been at work all day. It’s the first time I think he’s ever showered them both.

Then he stormed off with them in the car.

I’m so heartbroken, this happens all the time.

I just feel so useless like I’m doing nothing which he also tells everyone.

He’s constantly walking out and blocking me after he’s caused an argument.

I haven’t had a day off in three years and I don’t know what to do
He’s just said I don’t get off my fat lazy arse while, is this normal? I’m pregnant with his third child

Can anyone with a toddler and baby share some tips?

I'm struggling with managing evenings. How do you manage dinner, bathing both children, bedtime, cleaning the house etc? Im just finding it overwhelming at the moment especially as partner works shifts.

Nursery

Does anyone else notice a difference/change in their little one after going to nursery? She seemed to lose her confidence when she started, she used to go off and not look back. We've recently been on a family holiday and her confidence by the end of the week was really high, we normally go to classes and she was going off etc. she's been back to nursery this week and she's gone back in her shell again. She always says no nursery and counts down and doesn't seem to want to go (however she's fine when she goes in). Has anyone experienced anything similar? I'm really concerned she isn't enjoying nursery and that it's affecting her more than we realise 😫

Venting!

Sooo it’s just so annoying that my husband can talk to his guy friends/bros no problem all day but when it comes to me he can’t seem to hold long convos and always so defensive when it comes to me. It’s so aggravating … Anyone else feel this way ?

Baby eating

Hey mommas please tell me in which month you guys start giving baby food and what is the first thing gives to them and is anyone trying to for there baby bone marrow of beef if yes please tell me the recipe

Were any of you able to successfully leave a relationship where you were stay at home mom keeping full custody of your toddler when the abuse (only of you) became too much despite him not hitting you .

I know New York favours dads a lot more than other states - our son is 18m we are not married but he is on the birth certificate- he argues over everything insults me breaks and throws things and screams at me so much I haven’t been able to sleep for over a yr strictly bc of the our relationship- he pays for everything and does most of the things I ask. My family is not in the state plus we are mostly estranged & they have pretty much told me it’s my mess to deal with alone . and I’ve been completely isolated from friends since i was pregnant. Child support would not be much bc he’s paid more than 1/2 under the table so we have insurance. I have health issues and now mental ones probably from this relationship and the sleep deprivation from constant screaming fights etc has driven me over the edge and he could probably spin something that I was unfit for full custody. He’s almost 19m but primarily still breast fed esp in this heat.. we also just moved to a new apt and in the last week he started to occasional more successfully drink out of cups . He has kept demanding I stop breastfeeding basically from the beginning which is also when the personality switch happened literally from the fist night home less than 24 hrs after birth . I’ve been trying to make it work at least for long enough to create a better footing for myself but I can’t do that if the problems that I have bc of his are only compounding my health problems that I have had since we got together (I wish so much I had just ran I was even in an abusive marriage at 20 (I’m now 36) and that seems like heaven compared to this. It’s the only time I’ve ever wanted to die. His family is in our neighbourhood and he’s close with our old neighbours who heard everything so I’m sure if they were asked for collaboration would side with him and just say I’m crazy. The state of my health there is no way I could work even if he was put into daycare. I hate myself for creating this situation that our son has to live with and he likes his dad a lot bc he dotes on him and they aren’t around very much. Does anyone have any steps for me to take I’ve been scared to take any steps in terms of even my own health bc how do I explain anything that’s going on with me without the mentioning the abuse and how violent it has been (I told him I wasn’t going to doctors bc of this and he switched from every few days blowing up to literally every few hours he’s home some kind of fight ) — I was trying to set up a few things so that I would be able to sleep because it’s been the past three days. I’ve only got two hours of sleep total and I’ve been passing out a lot today so I was trying to get everything ready so that I could feed him and we would fall asleep together but right before and now son is asleep but of course I can’t bc he blew up right before we were supposed to sleep, which is something he likes to do and this time it was completely 100% on purpose.

Time to yourselves

How do you split time to yourselves with your partner? My partner works 4 on and 4 off 12 hour shifts so don’t really see him for long on those days and he works out 2 hours a day (weights) so normally he’d be coming home and then going to do that. He has also agreed to go back to d&d (we both used to go) Sundays which is 4 hours odd every week.. I feel like I don’t really have any time, regular time that is to myself, whereas all his time is built into the days routine

What do you guys do? And aita for feeling a little annoyed

Mums worst nightmare

Took my 6 1/2 month old out for a walk in his pram ( we use the Bugaboo Dragonfly). It was just like any other walk but it took a turn for the worse on the return walk home. A young teenage girl was standing by a zebra crossing and naturally cars were stopping to let her go but she just didn’t move. As I approached I could see that she had Autism ( my nephew has the same and I noticed the behaviours). I stopped with the pram to tell her that it was a zebra crossing and what it meant and if she wasn’t ready to cross the road to take a step back ( several cars were shouting at her for wasting their time). Now here’s the thing: As I stopped I swore that I put the break on the pram. However, as I finished trying to explain to the girl I turned around to see the stroller with my LO rolling towards the road. I ran so fast but the pram came off the pavement and fell sideways onto the road. Praise the lord there was no oncoming traffic. I picked up the pram with baby still strapped in and put them on the pavement. Obviously distraught I checked him over ( he was a bit stunned but more so because he was asleep when it happened and when he opened his eyes he had loads of people checking in on him and me). However, no cuts, scrapes etc. I ran to my parents’ house (Dad has just retired from being a paramedic and Mum spent 25 years being the First Aider in a primary school). They looked him over and they said that he looked fine and was behaving normally. For reassurance I called 111 and the GP told me that it sounds like he’s fine ( GP heard him giggling whilst playing with the toys) but just to keep an eye on him for the next 24 hours.
I just have the absolute worse Mum guilt. My LO was smiling and playing before I could stop myself shaking and crying. My partner is saying that I’m stupid for stopping to check on that teenage girl and that I should have walked on. But now since becoming a Mum- I look at everyone as if they are someone’s baby and I just couldn’t just leave her. I’ll live with the guilt of this until I’m dead no doubt.

Unwanted comments from in laws

Just wanted to know how other mums would deal with unwanted comments from in laws to do with your children. I understand they’re the grandparents but my in laws are doing my head in. Am I overreacting or just being hormonal? These were the comments from yesterday but it’s the tone that’s also rude so I think that plays a big part in how we feel it’s how someone makes the comment rather than just the comment alone. Please give me opinions. I’m happy if anyone tells me I’m overreacting.
My mother in law told me yesterday that my 4 month old is ready for reading and started saying how she sees all the other mums coming into the library reading to their babies and I told her several times that I read to my 4 month old with the books I currently have as I have loads which belong to my older children. She said about 5 times that my daughter is ready to be read to so I had to also repeat myself and tell her that I do read to her.
Secondly, when she was holding my daughter she started crying badly so I went to take her and my mother in law told me my hands were too cold and wouldn’t give me my daughter I had to practically force my hands around my mother in laws hands to take her even though my hands were luke warm so I said to her “do you not want me to take her then?” Then she eventually gave her. Is she meaning to be rude? I just want other people’s opinions. I did have issues with her when my first daughter was born too because she bothered me a lot but I never spoke up to her. I only ranted to my mum and dad.

Feel so frustrated

I’m really lost about what to do I don’t know if most kids are like this at this age but I’m finding it all so frustrating. My daughter is an only child so can’t really compare. I feel like her attention span isn’t where it should be. Constantly still changing her mind about what she wants to play, doesn’t listen when I’m trying to help and just gets annoyed all the time. I find it so unenjoyable right now. Some days I’m just surviving. I feel like she doesn’t have interest in learning. I really don’t want her to be behind.

Soo fed up

I swear ive got the most miserable baby ever all he does is scream, feed or sleep, its awful.
(Hes my 2nd baby)

My 1st was demanding but this is another level.

He literally screams all the time if I walk away from him for wee, to do anything, he wants you 1 on 1 all the time and it just isnt possible having a 2yr old aswell.

The occasions he isnt screaming are so few I rekon I could count on 1 hand, could even be no more than 3 occasions ive felt hes not been a misery.

I just would like some reassurance that there's people out there in the same boat and that this is going to pass?

Hes 10 weeks old but it doesn't seem to be improving at all, im starting to question if maybe he has an allergy or something im ebf but I cant think of any other reason why hes so angry all the time 😭

Post partum snacks

I'm working on my little post partum nest area and I'm looking at snacks. What are some of the best snacks to buy for the first few weeks?

Stay at home moms with 1 or 2 kids

Would you have more kids if your husband stayed home with you?

Teething?

This has really been great for us for teething. We have about 10 teething toys that he just wasnt to intrested in preffered his or my hands. This is soft has a teething hippo and has sensory fidget tags. It does get covered in drool. It can attach to the buggy too my little one loves it !!

Kissing babies

What’s everyone’s take on family members kissing baby? Honestly I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it at all and think it’s only appropriate for us as parents, but husband thinks it’s fine for close family members. Am I being OTT? I don’t come from an affectionate or close family