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From the community

Recent discussions

Married to a black sheep (rant)

I have to leave everything behind and go with my husband to the US but he’s not really good with his family. They love our baby but me saying we can stay with them as long as we want til we get our own place but we and his family are not getting along well. We don’t have any big drama with each other but no matter what I do, I am just my husband wife. I feel so lonely living new life. I am grateful they provide us a place to live but I feel emotionally isolated. There’re sometimes I reach out if we can go to a coffee shop together, you know do some girls stuff but since I have a baby it’s hard for them cos my baby doesn’t like the car or I don’t have my own car so MIL and SIL would always just go together do they hair and nails, etc. I feel so out of the loop and lonely. For months their family group chat didn’t include me and if my husband showed what they were talking about MIL got mad like it was none of my business…
It’s not like I care or I’m chasing inclusion, I just need a friend.

My fiance won’t leave our bedroom

For the past two to three months, my fiancé, who is also my son’s father, has been spending almost all his time at home in our bedroom, while my son and I are in the lounge room by ourselves.

When he gets home from work, he needs at least an hour to himself, which I understand. But when he does come out, it’s usually for no more than 10 minutes before he goes straight back in. I often have to coax him out just to eat dinner with us, and even then, it’s only around 15 minutes together.

Every few nights, he helps put our son to bed, and I really enjoy that time together as a family. But outside of that and dinner, we barely spend any time together. I don’t expect him to spend every moment with us, but I’m worried about how this might affect our son. I’m also feeling lonely and exhausted because i’m doing everything by myself it feels ik a stay at home mum i need adult interaction

Today, I asked if we could please just hang out. I offered to watch a movie, but he said he wasn’t interested in watching anything at the moment. I offered to play Fortnite with him, which is one of his favourite games. I even offered to have a drink with him, which isn’t something I usually do, but he wasn’t interested in any of it.

When I bring it up, he either says he does spend time with us and isn’t in there that much, or that he just likes being in the bedroom. He says he works hard and needs space and time to think. I understand needing downtime, but I’m struggling with how little time we actually get with him.

He also spends a lot of time on phone calls with his friends. He’s always done that, but it often means I can’t even ask him something or have a conversation because he’s already on the phone.he shhs me

He says we’re going to spend time together, but it doesn’t really happen. If I join him in the bedroom, we usually just sit on our phones. There isn’t a TV in there, and sitting beside each other on separate phones doesn’t feel like spending time together.

I miss connecting with him and doing things as a family. I’m honestly also worried that he might be depressed. I don’t know whether he’s struggling with something or just wants time alone, but I’m concerned about him as well as how this is affecting us.

Husband is driving me nuts.

Hi all, I just need some advice. My husband is driving me insane. We're arguing over small little things

He's constantly on his computer from morning to night and gets upset when I ask to help with out LO, he works 2 days a week (2 half days 1 full) I feel like a single mum and I'm not sure what to do. I try get his attention from the computer and it turns into an argument. Whenever I'm trying to put out LO to sleep he screams at his games (he plays chess...🙄) and ends up waking him up. I'm not sure on what to do. I am really hoping this is just a rough patch. He said he'll happily help out more when our LO is doing more (he's 3 months almost 4 right now) such as crawling. Reacting more etc. my son is a very happy baby, he loves his dad a lot but I just feel like he just see's his dad as 'fun' instead of someone he should look up to. I get he's too young to understand but if nothing changes now I'm worried it never will. I want 3 kids, but if it's going to be like this I'm not even sure. I'm just so upset all the time. My mental health is deteriorating. I get sooo down sometimes I just think to myself it'll be better if I'm just not here anymore. Obviously I'd never act upon such thoughts but even just thinking about it is super stressful for me because I should be able to have support.

There's a lot more that's happened and I could go on and on and on but this is just the jist

Sorry for the rant and thanks for coming to my ted talk. Any tactics/advice is appreciated thank you x

UPDATE: he's just told me he doesn't love me anymore and (I quote) hates me.

Give me some advice

Have you guys ever lost friends because they felt a way about your partner? I’m black my husband is white. Before my husband I was only with black guys and almost all my friends were black. My family loves my husband he treats me right cares for us and he respects my culture. My friend now she’s always making comments like be careful he don’t kill you(because she goes an watch videos of husbands killing their wife), or she’ll send ig post about some white person doing some stupid shit an add (white people shit) today she sent me a thing about not being friends with white people. She’d even make comments like I could never have a mix baby. She’s only met my husband 2 times and they’ve only ever greeted each other. What should I do? I live far from them I moved when I got married so I don’t see my friends much but we stay connected online.

I feel like I am falling apart

I'm a SAHM with a 21 month old and I'm 13 weeks pregnant. I am struggling. My husband works full time and has hobbies on the weekend so 95% of the time it's all on me. No family or village.

My biggest struggle is every day feels like pure survival and I get the bare minimum done. I have no time anymore to properly clean my house, exercise, any form of self care (legs haven't been shaved in a year!), cook healthy meals etc. I'm finding because of this I'm not enjoying motherhood how I hoped. I absolutely love my kid and we have the sweetest relationship which is wonderful. But how do you balance everything else? I can't be present and developing my child if I'm deep cleaning. I cosleep so I'm unable to do anything after 8pm so I can't sneak away and do things overnight either. Also has only one nap per day which is 30 minutes.

Any tips welcome.

Always defending

Other people’s opinions on keeping my son up longer, or pretending they didn’t hear my requests for specific bed/nap times, makes me feel super defensive and snippy about the subject.

I feel like it’s so repetitive that it makes me come off super harsh when someone gives me any sort of pushback on a time I set for something for my son.

I know him best, literally. I do this for his best interest.

& the fact that, that’s not common sense in people sends me.

I just don’t like being an asshole and it makes me one.

What are the expectations for the partner who works?

My boyfriend works, and I’ve found myself in this all too common toxic cycle of him saying “I wish we could trade bodies for a day so you can see how much physical work I do” he has never helped with bed time. I wake up every night to soothe her back to sleep. He thinks that just because he hears it, he has the same exhaustion as me
I don’t want to participate in that competition that he’s trying to do or who’s more tired. We’re both tired for different reasons
He does bath time maybe once a week. Bath time is very tough on my body. I had a c section and was definitely a mama who was doing the most after. She is now 10 months. He isn’t doing anything while i’m doing bath time. Why can’t he be there to at least carry her out?

I also would feel comfortable if he sent me a set amount of money every week or two weeks. Doesn’t have to be a lot. I hate having to ask him when I do Walmart orders for her wipes, pampers, etc.
Any money that I did have was going to all of those things and now that I don’t have any of my own money I’ve had to depend on him this month and it doesn’t even feel like I can. His favorite weapon to use against me is that he pays rents

I feel trapped and I feel like there’s so many avenues that were never communicated
And yes I’ve tried communicating, and he either says nothing at all or turns himself into the victim

Birthday plate

Hey all I made my son a birthday plate and I just wrote love from mum, not dad.
My partner is fuming and “heart broken” even though I told him I was doing it before I done it as a personal present from me to my son but he says he didn’t know I wasn’t going to add him. I showed him the plate when I done it and he said he liked it, when I picked it up I showed him he said he liked it but is saying he didn’t see me not write dad on it. Was I wrong to not put him on it aswell considering I was the one that made it and he didn’t come with me.

Settling baby

Does anyone else get really angry watching their husband or partner trying to settle their baby? We are going through witching hour and I’m trying not to take over, but watching him trying to settle the baby is infuriating!

Just one good day please

That's all I want. Just one good day where everything (within reason for a 10 month old) is happy.
I'm so exhausted with the constant whining and crying about everything. Every mealtime is a battle that ends in a meltdown and the nappy changes are just awful too. He cries in the car and honestly just every day I count down to bedtime.
I feel like I'm stuck on repeat, like groundhog day. Please tell me it gets better. I love my son so fiercely, but oh my god this is hard.

My child got suspended from school for several days, should I not allow them to go trick or treating?

I’ve called pediatricians office for emergency behavioral health services. Already sees therapist. Already in special ed for ADHD.

First incident- grabbed a kids shirt collar and the school says was “choking” them. The school didn’t have a very strong reaction to this incident which I find weird since it seems to be the most shocking of all of them ?

Second incident- called the kid fat, loser, slow etc after several times of being told to stop.

Third- when already being told can’t go to recess, pushed past teacher and ran outside refusing to come back in.

When the first incident happened, my child refused to talk to me or any adult about what happened and still refuses.

Basically all these incidents my child admits that they did them but refuses to share their side of the story or any details, claims they “don’t remember” and that they feel bad.

Since my child’s suspended for the next several days, they won’t get to participate in any school Halloween activities going on this week. I canceled our Halloween trip to see family. They’re home doing chores right now since I had to call out of work. No tv for the entire duration of suspension.

So far, i am also thinking no trick or treating. Is that too far ?

Lack of care from parent(s).

Hello ladies… hope everyone is doing well! Where do I begin? As we all know being a mum is not easy. It is even harder when you have no village or help to fall back to. My mum is someone who has extremely heavy mood swings. She can love and care for you for months but she can than instantly switch and than ignore you for the rest of the year. Not call, not check up on you. Goes about her life as normal, as if someone who is her daughter (me) hasn’t done anything wrong. Mind you I am the eldest daughter and have always been there for her in very hard and tough times. I am very lucky to have two beautiful children and a supportive husband but even when you are 29, nearly 30, you still need your parent(s) right? Or am I wrong? Someone to check up on you, call you, give you a hand when your children fall unwell, offer to help or babysit… or am I crazy? She ignores us, never calls, doesn’t offer her emotional support knowing I go through hard times with both kids and full time working… is there something wrong with me? I have always been there for my family. It is heartbreaking to say the least 🥺

Porn

I’ve talked to my husband multiple times about his addiction to porn and for a while it didn’t bother me but he started looking at me less and his phone more and I’ve explained how it makes me feel many many many times and nothing changes he goes a few days without and then right back to it he has gotten better at hiding it but I can tell in the way he touches me and the way he looks at me and I don’t look like those women and I never will it makes me feel like I have to put on a performance just for him to want to touch me so I talked to him again yesterday about how I’m never a priority and work and hunting and porn will always come before me and of course he said blah blah blah it’s always me I can’t anything right ….. then didn’t talk to me for four hours and when he gets home he hand me his phone he wants me to find a way to block the website mind u he is almost 40 I wanted to cry like he can’t have enough self control or respect for me to stop that he wants parental controls on his browser I just don’t know what to do am I the ass hole

Need to vent

I’m 4 months PP and I feel like I’m losing the connection with my partner. I just can’t stand the way he thinks - ie he has work so he needs to sleep, it’s the weekend so he needs the lay in, it’s a friends birthday or leaving drinks and asks me if he can attend as if I’m going to tell him no…I’m not surprised but I am disappointed. Any advice?

31 weeks pregnant with twins//tiredness and chores

Is anyone struggling with chores in general pregnancy??

My partner helps mainly with the bins and laundry, but that is it not a lot when it comes down to laundry. It does help since I struggle to bend down to empty the dryer and clean the filter and drain the water etc...I would mainly put clothes away because it is easy to just sit and sort it out and we both would put our clothes away. Like our effort in maintaining a clean place is great overall.

However, recently, he openly admitted he doesn't like washing up and wants me to be the one to wash up basically. At first, I was fine as I didn't mind washing up and don't care much for bits floating about in the sink when cleaning. He does mind the food floating about, and I suggested gloves to ease the gross part out or rinse the plates after being done with it. None the less I can understand it is gross...

But I have been struggling to wash up due to standing too long in the process of washing up and begin to feel really tired and unwell and I don't really have any proper seats to sit on when cleaning so I have to take multiple breaks to sit down to ease the aches in my tummy lately. But I get on with it usually, regardless, but I hate to sound horrible here. I'm really starting to think he doesn't want to wash up because it is a lot of effort and the other chores are easier to do and you don't need to put a lot of effort in.

I might be a bit stupid, tbh but I'm probably wrong about this idea that I have of the real reason why he doesn't want to wash up. Who knows but I'm struggling to wash up as time goes on any advice would be great on the subject or any hacks to get through the chore quicker would be great.

I am really hating being a Mum of two

I have a four week old and a three year old and my partner has just gone back to work after paternity leave. This first week of solo parenting. My EBF newborn will not go 15 minutes without being fed so leaving the house is so difficult. She also vomits after every feed and I’m not talking small vomits. They are huge.
Today my three year old pushed so many buttons I cried, we had an hours stand off because he would not pull his own pants and trousers up. He went for a poo and didn’t to wipe or even tell me, but he did empty toilet roll into toilet. He’s been toilet trained for well over a year now and usually goes to the loo by himself!
Tried to go for a walk and the baby (who had literally been fed 15 minutes prior) sicked up the whole feed onto my top and then started rooting and crying for food.

I feel like I’ve ruined both mine and my three year olds lives. I don’t know how to respond to him anymore, as everything he does is naughty and I just keep losing my absolute shit.

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