Community Posts, Tips & Support on Parenting

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To go to a wedding or not?

Advice needed, my husband and I went to a wedding this weekend. The whole experience was extremely stressful I think our 3 1/2 month old baby just got very very overstimulated and so spent most of the time crying and screaming and was very hard to settle. She also hates being in the car so the journey there and back was also very difficult. It was important that we went to the wedding though because it was my husband sister‘s wedding, tomorrow we have another family wedding and I’m really undecided on whether to go or not there’s no overnight stay so it will just be for the day. It’s about two hours each way lots of family will be there. Part of me thinks I should just power through and she may be ok, also most of his family hasn’t met the baby yet. …Give it my best go because it would be nice to see everyone and maybe she’ll do well but my experience this weekend has suggested to me that it might be a really really stressful experience. I’m also concerned because I don’t know if there are any quiet spaces where I’ll be able to take her if she is getting overstimulated do you think I should go or not?

Husband spanking toddler

So as the title states my husband spanked our 3 year old 7 times yesterday because she had a fit about getting out of the bath and telling him no. I was across the house but heard the spanking so I ran to where they were and told him to stop.

She has been testing her boundaries a lot this week which for the most part I have been able to handle and explain why certain things can’t go certain ways. I stay at home all week and he usually is home Sundays to play with them otherwise it’s me from the moment they wake up until right before they go to bed.

He woke up in a crappy mood due to a headache and I took both kids to the playground and made breakfast etc while he slept in.

When I stopped him and told him to get away from her he stomped off and I put on a little show while I went to talk to him. (This is the third time I’ve caught him spanking her and we have discussed it even before I’ve witnessed it)

He just sat there looking off into space and ignored everything I said and then said that clearly what I’m doing isn’t working for her “defiance”. This instance has left a terrible taste in my mouth. I am not sure what to do now. My daughter was terrified of him for the rest of the day and didn’t want to see him. I slept in my kids room with both of them last night and haven’t talked since yesterday to him after trying to talk and him not acknowledging his wrongdoing.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also my family is all 1000 miles away and we live near his family. I’m close with my MIL but this is her son.

Arghh

15 months this week and he is already making me lose my mind. All evening its been throwing toys, banging, usually loves Capol but before bed he wants to spit it out. The Hitting, the tantrums.
Grrr!!!!!!!!!!
And i’m hearing 18 months is not for the weak, how am i going to get through this 😩

Is it a concern or nursery

Nursery told me they have some concerns about my child’s behaviour at the moment. She gets upset during transitions, has limited vocabulary, sometimes looks sideways, struggles to sit for long, and gets very attached to her keyworker which makes her frustrated when she has to share her. They’re observing her on Thursday and will call me afterwards to discuss what they think and what support she might need.
They think she has developmental delays?

Countdown list

Due the middle of October…

I have 5 or so weeks left, he is at nursery 3 days a week, what can I do to stop the ridiculous mum guilt I feel for being at home whilst he is there. I can’t just sit and plough through a series everyday, I want to save that for nap trapped baby cuddles - I’m thinking self care/ things I won’t get to do once baby is here… would really love some ideas!

So far I’ve thought:
Midday cinema trip
Pottery painting

So pathetic that I can’t think of anything else!!!😅😅 help plsssss. I’m aware it’s a first world problem, I just can’t have the guilt of being a crap and lazy mum every day 😅 what is everyone else doing?

I have no clue what to do now I need advice (long post)

So, I have 2 year old son he started daycare today and I had to pick him up after 4 hours because he hits and throws things and I don’t know what to do.

We’ve gone to mommy and me events and he does pretty good.

BUT he’s been to nursery at church and we ended up in like “probation” to where I had to sit with him in nursery for a few Sundays until he started behaving well again. Well, Today was the same thing except they just said he may be better off somewhere with less kids. Which I completely understand. I’m not mad at them I almost expected this to happen and was already looking for places that have ratios with less kids.

The teacher said he does so good on his own and is so smart, but was throwing his metal cup at kids and scratching them which I feel terrible about but unfortunately did not surprise me as this was very similar to what happened in nursery and at the last daycare we were supposed to get accepted to.

Now, I just have no idea how to go about this. He doesn’t really misbehave when I’m around. So it’s hard for me to address these behaviors real time.
When he does stuff like this around me
-I get to his eye level and basically call him out
-I give him stimulation to calm him down by gently squeezing his fingers, hands, and arms (I do this because it has helped me me personally growing up) if he seems overwhelmed or overstimulated(which includes over excitement), I believe this may be the primary culprit
-if he has thrown something I take it away and tell him he’s done because at this point we both know when it’s a behavioral thing or overstimulation - he’s smart he knows he can’t do that and only does it when others are around.
-second time I pick him up and change scenery. This normally does the trick immediately, but I like to give him a chance to self-correct (I don’t know if that’s the exact term to use)
He’ll sometimes attempt to bite me (not other kids,that I know of) but as soon as I tell him “no biting” he will grab whatever he was about to bite (i.e my hand) and kiss it and caress it like saying “I wasn’t going to mom, I was going to be sweet and loving” again, he’s smart.

Thing is he is very behind on cognitive development scale for his age because he doesn’t not talk much. I’m scared because I think that the cause of all of this may be the abuse I went through by his father and him witnessing the parts I could not shield him from. He already is set to have a psychological evaluation soon. He’s been evaluated for ST, PT and OT and is on track to be taking them as soon as they become available(ST tomorrow). And he is in child developmental therapy currently.

I’m a single mom and now I’m feeling defeated because I have no idea how to help my son understand this right and wrong thing. The thing is this behavior is usually not even malicious. It seems and I have been told that it seems more due to maybe being overstimulated.

P.S. Before anyone tries to give me sympathy, while I appreciate it, I would love more than anything to keep this about my son and how to best mother/parent him in this situation. I’m in therapy and doing my best to move past the trauma! Thank you in advance!! 🤍

AITA - Partner asked what the baby’s hair brush looks like

I co-sleep with the baby on my own. I’m breastfeeding and he’s working, so he sleeps in the spare room.

I spend all day with our 10-week-old. He comes home from work and goes to his football club three times a week, plus he runs twice a week. While he’s at football, I take the baby and dog for a walk and then cook dinner.

When he gets back, she’s fussy. I needed to go to the supermarket, and because he says she won’t settle for him without me because I breastfeed her, I took her with me.

I get back and we go on a “family walk” with the dogs. The entire time he’s texting and barely listening to me.

We get home and I bathe her while he watches football. I realise I forgot to bring a nappy into the bathroom, so I ask him to grab one. He does, then goes straight back to the TV.

I get her out of the bath and ask him if he’s seen her hairbrush.

“What does it look like?” he asks.

…What?!

She is TEN WEEKS OLD.

How does this man a) not know what his own baby’s hairbrush looks like and b) apparently not have brushed her hair ONCE in ten weeks?

And then it dawned on me… he’s never even bathed her.

By this point, I clearly look pissed off because he asks if I’m mad at him. I ask him how tf he doesn’t even know what her hairbrush looks like.

He gets all “wtf?” and goes to sit in the lounge while I take her into the bedroom to feed her.

And now I’m sitting here wondering… is it me?

Because I don’t think I’m actually angry about a hairbrush. I think the hairbrush has just made me realise how much of the day-to-day parenting I’m doing completely on my own.
.

‘Countdown’ list- second baby. Help please!

Feel useless as if I haven’t had a baby before … (I have, he’s coming up to 2 and a half) … I have 5 or so weeks left, he is at nursery 3 days a week, what can I do to stop the ridiculous mum guilt I feel for being at home whilst he is there. I can’t just sit and plough through a series everyday, I want to save that for nap trapped baby cuddles - I’m thinking self care/ things I won’t get to do once baby is here… would really love some ideas!

So far I’ve thought:
Midday cinema trip
Pottery painting

So pathetic that I can’t think of anything else!!!😅😅 help plsssss. I’m aware it’s a first world problem, I just can’t have the guilt of being a crap and lazy mum every day 😅

Help!

Ive got an 8yr old and a 9month old im struggling how to split my time between them both and constantly feeling guilty. Any help?

Am I over reacting?

My little girl started School last week. I don’t want to be THAT parent but there’s so much I’m so unhappy with already. I work in children’s services and safeguarding so I don’t know if it’s just my job head worrying.
The first thing is that at pick up, all the other year groups line up and the teacher lets the child out as each parent steps forward (practical and clever!) in reception we all just huddle in this small space and the teacher kind of just spots us and lets the child out so the child is just stood there scanning for their parents.
The second thing is PE. In Reception only they are asked to change for PE in the classroom with each other. For that year group only. They say it’s promoting independence, yet at Nursery they were always changed in a toilet cubicle (Nursery were hot on respecting child’s privacy), I just know my LG is going to feel so shy being half naked in front of others.
And the third thing, we went for a meet the parent tonight and on the wall where we were stood was a clipboard with every child’s name and their collection password. Again I don’t know if it’s just my job but a lot of this just doesn’t seem ok.

Advice..

So my son is awaiting a ADHD assessment, we are still about 2 years out from getting that and hes 4. He recently started school and honestly I am not coping...

So he has always been difficult with behaviour, hitting and screaming in the house and I've always struggled to discipline as he destroys everything around him. We are in the 4th week of school and he's out of control in the house. And I'm not sure I know what to do anymore - I have a daughter with autism and they are polar opposites so its so hard.

At the weekend there, I'm ashamed to say he pretty much battered me all weekend and every opportunity...then when he went to bed and I tried to find one positive of the day there was none.

Everything seems a battle, and its always been hard but right now parenting him seems impossible and I've definitely felt like I'm failing.

Anyone got any suggestions on anything that could help?

Parenting

So I’m terrified to discipline my 4 year old. I’m his safe person so if I discipline him like moms do and get loud or yell, ect I don’t want him to fear me. Please help I need ideas. He is on the spectrum but I don’t need to be giving him special treatment he knows things and what they mean.
And really tho my dad scared me so much as a kid I was afraid to make a mistake. Not really sure what to do because I don’t want my son to have mental health issues or be a narcissist. Ugh, what a life lol

Report to nursery or not...?

My husband works with the husband of one of the staff members at nursery. My oldest child had just left and gone to school, youngest is still there.

My husband's college asked today how our eldest is getting on at school, my husband said he's doing really well and his college replied saying that's good my wife said he was a little shit at nursery....

It's left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth when he told me about it. I'm not sure whether to speak to the room leader about it, if I do whether to actually give the staff members name or not and just ask for them to have a general word with all staff...? Or just leave it as I'm assuming she knew her husband works with my husband and that they're friendly?

Struggling to leave baby

My little boy is now 6 months old and the most I have left him for is 3 hours. I get so anxious and upset at the thought of leaving him. I know rationally he will be okay with his dad or his grandparents but it’s like my brain tells me he’s going to know I’m gone and hate me for it. I am desperate for some alone time but the thought of it also makes me feel so uneasy, I feel like my head is broken! I see so many mums going out and doing things for themselves and I just want to be in that place to do that too and be okay with it. Any help or suggestions to help me get to this point would be much appreciate.

I can't bare the clinginess😭

Please don't judge my choice of words but my baby is unbearable and is making me miserableand struggle to enjoy his company now. His neediness is driving both me and my husband into absolute misery. He will not stop whining and crying unless held. No exaggeration, he is just a whinge bag and I struggle so much now. Im dosed up on Ibuprofen every day because my shoulder is so sore, now my back is hurting too from compensating my posture. I cannot get anything done. And YES I BABY WEAR. But he is 8+kg now, and I can barely get anything done like that and I think at 7 months he shouldn't be carried all the time. He doesn't roll because he doesn't spend enough time on the floor. As soon as he's down he'll scream rather than play/ try. He's trying to sit up, but peobably because he is in a sitting position being held all day. If he's not held its the same in the bouncer, seat, high chair. Nothing helps. I worry his muscles won't develop properly because of this. The overwhelm in my head is unbearable. I feel trapped and miserable, and no I can't walk around in the pram all day either, I live in a tiny village. Has anyone's older child done this? Did they turn out clingy when older? Will this get better? Or am I stuck with a needy clingy child now? 😭😭😭 ps I have a 4 Yr old too so that makes it even harder.

Husband just said no to baby number 2

Not sure what to do now.. we are married and have LO 22 months this month. What if I can’t get past it.. he said he loves LO but doesn’t like being a dad.. do I give ultimatum or what?!

Should I tell her something?

I suspect a friend of mine that I know for 5 years definitely has adhd and possibly autism. The thing is she doesn't realise how her reactions cause trouble and blames the other people all the time. I usually try to make her see things from the other side and offer suggestions, but she doesn't listen and it has to be how she says it should be.

Now that her child is growing up I see he has poor empathy, no social skills, is aggressive, hurts others, no risk aversion, no impulse control, no facial expressions and I can't avoid to think he may have autism and adhd. A year ago I brought it up once and she said no, no, he has plenty of friends and his milestones are fine.

I think she doesn't want to see or thinks autism and adhd look different.

Toddler and newborn worries

I’d like some advice please as I’m an anxious person and don’t know whether this would be overkill. My toddler usually goes to three different playgroups a week for example those library play groups which last a couple of hours. He does get sick often as lots of the other kids have runny noses. I’m due another baby anytime now and I’m anxious about him getting colds from his brother (we unfortunately caught one right now). My husband would be taking the toddler while I watch the baby at home but obviously it’s still a risk. Would it be overkill to stop the groups completely for a few weeks until the babies immune system improves or should we just carry on taking our toddler as it’s good for his development and isn’t good for him to stay at home too much?

I CREATED A VELCRO GORILLA GLUE BABY 😭😂

Listen… I really thought I was doing a great job making sure my daughter knows Mommy is always going to be there for her. 🥹🩷

I wanted her to feel safe. I wanted her to know that when she cries, Mommy comes. When she needs comfort, Mommy is there. When she wants cuddles, Mommy is basically on-call. 😂

WELL… SHE TOOK THAT INFORMATION VERY SERIOUSLY. 😭

I think I accidentally created a Velcro Gorilla Glue baby.

She can sleep peacefully on me like I’m a luxury mattress at the Ritz-Carlton… but the SECOND I try to put her in the bassinet:

👁️👄👁️
“EXCUSE ME… WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING?” 😂

Ma’am. I am literally two feet away. 😭

I can’t eat without her.
I can’t shower without her.
I can’t use the bathroom without her knowing my exact location. 😂
And apparently, putting her down for five minutes is considered abandonment in this household.

And the crazy part is… I LOVE IT. 🥹❤️

As a single mom, I want my daughter to grow up knowing that she has a safe place in me and that Mommy will always show up for her.

But respectfully…

MOMMY ALSO NEEDS TO EAT. 😂😭

So Velcro baby moms, PLEASE HELP ME. 😂

How do you keep giving your baby that security and attachment while also teaching them that it’s okay to be put down, sleep in their own space, and let Mommy walk away for a few minutes without acting like she has been abandoned on a deserted island? 😭😂

Because I want her to know “Mommy is always here.”

But I also need her to understand:

“Mommy is always here… just not physically attached to you every second.” 😂🩷

Signed,
A mom who apparently gave birth to her own emotional-support backpack. 😭😂

Solo parenting in a relationship

I feel as though I do everything with my child where as my partner will do everything for his kid (my step kid) but doesn’t show responsibility for ours , I get up in the night , I get up early mornings, I make sure he’s fed , bathed , changed etc. and if I do ask for him to get up with him the odd time he gets annoyed and I feel stuck. My son woke up at 3am and is still awake now at 5:15 I have to get my partners kid up for school at 7am. My sons awake because he’s got a blocked nose and can’t breathe while he’s sleeping because a few days ago my step kid kept sneezing all over his toys and in his face so he has now caught a cold but I’m too scared to ever say anything to my partner cause he acts like I’m attacking her. I’m so stuck and I feel like a single mum while In a relationship😞