I cry every time I feed my baby

I know how upsetting it is not being able to feed your baby human milk when it’s the best bonding time . I would recommend continue doing skin to skin with baby, right before feedings offer a breast if baby doesn’t latch move to bottle . One reason your baby may be fussy is you may have spent too much time on trying to get baby to latch and that causes blood sugar to drop and now baby is fussy. Feedings with a bottle can still become bonding time again more skin to skin and offer bottle to relax baby Allow the lactation to assist via zoom , they’re taking proper precautions with covid. Good luck you’re doing a great job ❣️

I was in a similar position. Baby did not latch to my natural breasts. Baby latched to breast shield but would tear it off and I wouldn’t be able to put it back on while holding him making it pointless. I just began pumping every 3 hours but it began to take a huge toll on my physical and mental well-being. Baby has to be supplemented with formula because I never produced enough milk despite all these herbal remedies I tried. Lactation consultant wanted me to have baby try breast first before bottle each time, causing feeds to be like an hour long (breast, bottle, then pump) it was waaaaay too much. I was sad I couldn’t breast feed. I was mad at myself that I couldn’t even exclusively pump because I didn’t produce enough so I had to give formula. But eventually I gave in and did was I felt was right for ME which is what’s right for baby. I only pump 15 mins every 5 hours & supplement with whatever else baby needs. I could not be attached to the pump every 3 hours

1 reply

And I could not continue to draw feeds out an hour or longer. In the end I’m happy and content. Fed is best. My baby is happy. I’m waaaay more happy. You got this mama. Whatever decision you make is best. You know what’s right for you and baby. Don’t be ashamed you can’t breastfeed. As long as baby is eating is what’s important. You’re doing an amazing job

I had EXACTLY the same thing. I had to pump for her first 10 weeks. It was exhausting but slowly she latched for a little longer over the 10 weeks that I was able to fully feed her. I never ever thought she was going to be able to. Some days she fed on and off for whole days. I HATED pumping and fussing over bottles. I totally get your frustration. I had lactation consultations but even though they were great and gave great advice they sometimes made me frustrated as I knew I had already done those things. In the end I just did what came naturally and it slowly worked. Your baby completely is still able to learn how to do it! My baby was in hospital due to being premature so didn’t even latch at all for the first 3 weeks of her life. But first and foremost, look after your own mental health, it’s a very hard journey, and nothing is worth you missing out on any happiness when you have a new baby.

Why dont you pump and give that to him? Your not a failure! I could not produce enough milk so i had to formula feed around week 5. I was upset at myself but eventually got over it. My kid is amazing and super attached to me. I didnt need my breastmilk to donthT

1 reply

Do whats right for you and your baby. Dont listen to people who say “breast milk is golden and u NEED to feed that way”. Its OKAY to formula feed. Your doing whats best for your baby♥️

I feel you. I've been where you are. I had my mum, my husband and his family telling me breast is best. I really wanted to breastfeed, but my baby lost to much weight. I was crying constantly from pressure to breastfeed. I had midwives telling me breast is best. She was born early and we couldn't leave the hospital until we either bottle fed 24 hours or breast. I had 1 person telling me it's okay. You are absolutely not a failure as a mother. Your mental is so important for you, your baby and your relationship. You bond with your baby feeding in any way, they will watch you no matter what (until the world is more interesting 😉) You're providing what they need. I don't know you, you may have regrets in the future that maybe you didn't try hard enough, but when you have a happy bouncy baby it won't matter so much. If you do pump you may find that as your baby gets older you cant pump as easily. Do what you need to do not what others think you should do.

Ohhh man I was so in this position. Could've written this myself back when I had my babe. I went through hell for about 7 weeks and then it finally got better! I tried nipple shields, pumping, different feeding positions, I got nipple thrush as well which was SO painful on top of it all. I persevered, though I was angry and frustrated and often had so many tears over it, I'm so glad I did. I really love it now (never thought I'd be able to say that) and I did eventually get that bond with my baby (who's now 4 months old). It's one of the hardest things I've done, it definitely cost me my mental health at times and I do see a therapist every now and then due to some PPD, but deciding to stick with it has been so rewarding. As others have said there's no shame in deciding to stop, you have to decide what feels right for you and your family. Xx

I had a very similar experience to you and felt all the feelings you have now, my milk didn't come in until 1 week postpartum and when it did there was hardly any there, baby was admitted to hospital for 3 days for weight loss on day 5. I desperately wanted to EBF but baby had severe tongue tie that was missed by several midwives/doctors/pediatricians until we saw a specialist at 3 months - by that time my supply was too low and baby had a bottle preference. He's 6 months now, we bf at the start of each feed for as long as he wants, and he has a bottle of formula about 5-6oz. All I can say is it will be okay, whatever you do you will look back in a few months like I did with a happy little baby and wish you didn't spend so much time worrying instead of enjoying your little one. Be kind to yourself, you aren't a failure and your baby will love you no matter how you feed them. You can bf and bottle feed together, its not all or nothing🙂

So sorry you have had such a difficult time with breast feeding but know you aren’t alone. Have you thought about pumping? I know it’s not the same but nursing was a little hard for me as well and I was anxious baby getting enough. It’s still feeding him from a bottle but because breastfeeding nutritionally was sooo important to me I opted to pump and find was to bond during feedings like staring into his eyes and talking to him or singing while he eats and I feel much closer without the frustration of getting him to latch out the anxiety of him getting enough food. I wish you the best girl and no matter what remember that your baby being fed (formula or breast milk) is all that really matters, there are other ways to bond and your worth as a mother is not determined by this.

You are not a failure. I had to stop breastfeeding because I wasnt producing enough for him. As long as baby has a full tummy then you are doing right by the baby.

I felt the same way. I only made half an ounce on a good day total. I didn’t make anything really. I just pumped until they stopped making milk. It was very difficult for me to cope with but hopefully next baby I can breast feed

I had this exact issue. My first latched and breastfed no problem. My second couldn't latch at all and pumping I made next to nothing. Dont give up, I found over the next few weeks her latch improved, it went from breast feeding for maby a couple min to a almost full feeding. Still supplementing with formula as I still cant produce enough. But its improved dramatically as long as you keep trying. Its stressful but baby is still adjusting.

Breastfeeding was so hard! Don't blame yourself! My daughter wouldn't latch, so after doing the lactation specialist thing and so many tears, I just started pumping. However, then I would have to spend double amount of time in the chair pumping and then feeding the bottle to her. I felt like I spent all my day feeding my kid! Then one day after I had given up, I tried it again because I was a a friend's house without my pump. She just latched and from then on, she breastfed just fine. This is after she'd been drinking bottles for 2 mo! So, who knows! I did have a great doctor who said both of his kids were formula-fed and they turned out to be healthy, successful adults. I know it's hard to listen to people say that it doesn't matter, because I remember feeling so emotional about this issue too. Hang in there though and know that you should not beat yourself up. Breastfeeding is hard!! Just consider for a minute why lactation consultants exist! This is not just you. Best of luck, momma!

Just because breast feeding is “natural” does not make it easy or even an option for all women. And in no way, shape or form, does it indicate your success or failure as a mother. You are doing everything for your little one to make sure he is healthy and happy and thriving. That makes you a great mother. In my opinion, it’s time to draw the line when it is affecting your mental and/or physical health. How does it benefit you or your baby or your relationship with your husband to try and force breastfeeding? Motherhood is stressful enough without adding pressure you don’t need! If baby takes formula and is happy, mama should be happy too!

I used a nipple shield and it was a lifesaver. You can get them from amazon or target.

My baby dropped about 15% of their birth weight and was in 5th percentile because of latch and my body not being triggered to make enough milk. He is still on the small side at 6 months. Formula has a lot of benefits. Your baby will night wean earlier, possibly sleep better through the night. You will not need to give a vitamin D or Iron supplement. Honestly if it wasn’t for our finances I would have switched as my son is still small and I feel like junk because I know its my bodies fault. If you can think of the positives with formula. Breastfeeding is not easy and its okay if it doesn’t happen. So many beautiful healthy babies are nourished by formula. If you have trouble with a lactation consultant you may just want to watch some youtube videos on a good latch. This was the best one I found https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-l5BpqllTLg

Oh love. I’m going through this too. I saw a latch specialist - I had them come over with PPE it was too much and she said my son has a high palate and can’t latch. I’d been so distressed up until this point cause he was recoiling in my arms. I tried expressing. It was so tough. I switched to formula but it made him really unwell. Then I decided to invest in getting bottles that I liked and a good pump. At first it was difficult but it’s getting better. I don’t have a lot of money but I really wanted to feel happy with some part of the journey so getting glass bottles and rubber teats made me feel better. It’s really impacted our bond and I think has brought on PND for me, so I get how tough it is totally. This is advice I should take myself.. but don’t beat yourself up. You’re doing the best he can and your baby is not judging you.. you’re judging you. Your baby loves you unconditionally as it knows nothing else to compare by. If they’re fed and sleeping, then you’re doing great!

2 replies

Also.. with the partner dilemma.. had the same thing. But actually I talked to him and explained how distressing the whole thing is for me and I said he might not understand.. but can he empathise and maybe relate it to something he finds distressing. It’s still tough.. but it’s getting better. I moved baby into bed with me and some times in the middle of the night he’ll latch with no problems, which has filled me with such joy I cannot tell you. I also came on here tonight cause I’m having an absolute breakdown with 4yr old behaviour regression as well - that’s another story. Totally overwhelmed right now, but women are incredible and we can do anything. We’ll get through this.. hang in there. I believe in you xxx

Also.. I had no milk supply at first either. But using the medela pump with the stimulation bottle I’ve been able to increase it to 100ml per feed. If that’s what you want to do.. do what makes you happiest at this point and make peace with it, you did your best in the circumstances and that’s all that matters x

Have you had your baby checked for tongue tie?

You're not a failure Breast-feeding is bloody hard work. My first couldn't latch on and in the end I had to give up, I felt like I'd failed him and as a Mother. It broke my heart but it turned out he had tongue tie. My second baby (my girl) had no problems and I felt so much happier but it made me realise every baby is different xx

My baby wouldn’t latch when he was first born either. Apparently my nipples weren’t “pointy” enough so he couldn’t latch properly to get any milk out so then he would get frustrated and then I became frustrated and it just wasn’t a good time. So the lactation consultant at the hospital suggested that we put formula in a syringe so I would have my baby try to latch and my significant other would put the syringe in the corner of his mouth and we started practicing that way. Now we ebf. And honestly never thought we’d get here! Hang in there, and don’t feel bad for not being able to if it comes down to it. I’m 100% sure you’re an amazing mommy and doing the best you can! As soon as you he starts latching and sucking more your body will naturally make more milk, it’s a supply and demand kind of thing. I also started taking legendairy liquid gold lactation supplements that have helped me a ton. Hope this helps in any way, motherhood isn’t the easiest but it gets better.

My baby is 3 weeks old today and I’ve been feeling the same way as you he doesn’t want my boob and I feel like such a failure everyone around me attacks me and my mom wants me to breastfeed but at this point I don’t know what to do

My LO never latched on we tried everything and eventually I exclusively pumped to feed her breastmilk via a bottle. It was such hard work I was pumping 5 to 6 times a day. By the time she got to 4 months I gave in I was so tired and she was awake more so struggled to find time. I felt like I had failed. But once I found the right formula she was so much happier, I wasn't so tired so could play with her more. What I guess I am trying to say you need to be happy it isn't the end of the world as long as they are fed that is the main thing. X

I wanted to try breastfeeding my twins and my doctor told me over and over that I should never feel guilty if it didn’t work out - to do whatever makes me the best mom for my babies. Breastfeeding didn’t work, pumping made me tired and miserable, formula feeding kept them full and happy and allowed me some sweet bonding time while I watched them eat. Formula feeding absolutely allowed me to be a better mom to my babies. Formula is so advanced now - there’s no reason not to do it if it makes everyone’s life better. Making the hard choice to change from your original plan is admirable, too.

You're not a failure mama, alot of mamas have hard time . But do whate best for you and your baby if you think you need to formula feed that's ok as long as you and baby are doing good that's all that matters

I had exactly the same issue! My baby from day one cried everytime she was near my nipples and refused to eat. The sides she did she would jerk herself off the latch every few seconds. It was such a negative experience for both of us and gave me so much resentment towards both baby and myself. In the first day of her life she was back in hospital because she hadn’t eaten. We have been using formula ever since. At first I was expressing and giving her more milk alongside formula, but I’m the only one looking after her all day so couldn’t find time to carry on doing it. I offered the breast throughout the day and sometimes she took it but 9 times out of 10 would just cry. It’s been 3 months and I finally made the decision to stop trying completely about a week ago. She wasn’t taking it anyway and all that was happening was that it was damaging my mental health.

1 reply

Sounds like you have a hidden camera in my house! Literally exact same story

Breastfeeding is so hard in the beginning! It sounds like it means a lot to you so I say keep fighting for it. Definitely have baby checked by an experienced tongue and lip tie consultant! And in the meantime try an array of different nipple shields, make sure you are using them properly if you haven’t been shown how to use them.

My baby wouldn't latch. I'm happily bottle feeding and she's happy too because she's full. There's nothing wrong with bottle feeding.

I had to supplement with formula the day my baby was born. Apparently I wasn’t giving enough milk and she was so hungry she kept crying... I felt really bad at first... I went to a lactation specialist and tried really hard for 3 months.... I finally decided that trying to breastfeed was making me into a mother that I didn’t want to be. I started resenting my daughter because of my struggle with breastfeeding.. Honestly, after I chose to change to formula full time I was so much happier around my baby. I absolutely loved feeding her and watching her grow. I realized that it doesn’t matter what you choose as long as they are healthy. I don’t regret that I tried those three months breatfeeding because my daughter was able to benefit from that milk. She is now two years old and is happy and healthy. We have an amazing bond even though she gives me headaches lol

please don’t be too hard on your self your baby is getting milk either way. Please don’t be guilty about formula feeding. I can’t BF as I have never made enough milk and I have seen how happy and thriving they all are and have been

my baby didn't latch so we had to use a nipple shield, little messy but worked for us!

I’m formula feeding my 6 week old. We tried breast while in hospital (had a 3 day stay after he was born) but we couldn’t get positioning right and I know he wasn’t feeding enough. He had a test for jaundice and I was advised to feed him up to help so that’s when I switched to formula and been on formula ever since. Being on my own in hospital also badly affected me and the struggle with trying to breast feed made me feel worse. He’s a happy healthy boy and to me that’s far more important.

You tried mama. A fed baby is a happy baby! Don't be so hard on yourself. Head up, mama

I had my baby 2 weeks ago and I had the same thing happen! I cried in the hospital one night because she was so hungry and frustrated she would not latch and ever since has refused to. Luckily I had an amazing nurse in the room who comforted me and let me know it was ok to formula feed if I needed to (I had already tried everything by then including syringe feeding and meeting with multiple lactation consultants) I continued to pump until a few days ago when I decided I wanted to stop because it was taking over my life and I’m already so exhausted. I’ve been saving my breast milk and freezing it in the few pump sessions I do (to relieve pressure) and honestly I’m so much happier. I can sleep without a bra again and I don’t cry every time I try to latch her and she doesn’t scream from the process. Another thing to consider is that they say even if you stop pumping/breastfeeding you can pick up again if you change your mind by starting the pump again, your supply will just take time