Has anyone else mourn their dream birth? And how did you over come the guilt and shaming on oneself.?

I’m sorry you’re going through this, momma! I also wanted a natural birth and ended up getting an epidural. It’s okay! I’m so glad I got mine because it gave me the chance to rest before my baby came, and there’s a point where pain becomes suffering, and suffering doesn’t make for good birth memories either! I wish you hadn’t put so much pressure on yourself. You got your baby here and that’s all that matters, not how! I was prepared for things not to go as planned, probably because I watched a lot of this girl’s videos during my pregnancy - she’s an ex labor and delivery nurse now she’s a doula. This one might help you during this time 💗 https://youtu.be/tF1SCZK5B-I

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Yeah ur right. I think I did put a lot of pressure on myself. It wasn't about the pain anymore for me iwas exhausted. I had 2 nights of not resting.aswell. plus the day in the hospital. They kept asking me what I needed. And I literally said I dont know anymore 😅 thank you so much for ur response 😊

You are not alone mama! I was induced at 41 weeks. They have me the pill to open up cervix and that did nothing.. they did the balloon method as well and that did nothing as well.. i wasn’t progressing at all.. i had to get a c section after two and half days in the hospital 😢.. i always wonder what it would be with a progressed naturally 😢😢.. trust me you are not alone i think about continually as well.

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Wow! I didn't know they had more methodss.mama! U are strong. C section is a major surgery. My mom had all of us c section. And man. It amazed me how she went through all of it.

Your body delivered a human being. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

I’m really sorry it didn’t go as planned. Giving birth is hard on your body. You done an awesome job. I think you should go easier on yourself. Making it to 9 1/2 and being like that for hours would be so difficult. I would have done the same as you, but I don’t think I could have handled being that far for hours. Your a rockstar!!

First of all... HATS OFF to you because you brought a child, a new life into this world. I mean that in itself is pretty badass!! Secondly, it’s called a birth “plan” and plans change. Not everything is always gonna go as per script. You were in the moment and you listened to you body... and at that moment your body was telling you for an epidural. Right now birth is over with and you feel like you could’ve gone without an epidural, but that’s how you feel NOW.. not at the moment of giving birth. I’m not sure if your a first time mom but atleast now you know what to expect next time. As women, let’s give ourselves and our bodies a break. Let’s stop expecting so much of our selves and instead applaud ourselves for what we have achieved. And for me, you successfully delivered your little baby...and that is amazing!!💕💕👍🏼👍🏼

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Thank you! And yes at the moment. I just wanted my baby to be safe. With my first my cervix swelled up at 3 cm dilated. So I was afraid that would happen again. And for next i.m not too sure. That's why I was really upset. It was in my bucket list.😅 I know its crazy.and yes we have to start giving ourselves more credit🥰

The circumstances are different but I feel you ❤️ I planned everything around a natural birth, told my doctor that's how it is, and that I would only have a C-section if it was an emergency... It was an emergency. 34 weeks, the surgery saved his life. The weeks after that were hell in recovery, me from surgery, him in the NICU. Walking from the car to the hospital everyday to deliver pumped milk ended up being good therapy for my scar. Seven months of therapy later, I'm starting to deal. It's a lot to go through for anyone!

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Wow! That is tough. I hear you. A c section is a major surgery. U are awesome.! U were determined to get ur baby's meals. Makes u a great mama! 🤗

You done an amazing thing, be proud of yourself, you birthed a wee human, Everything happens for a reason, and don't feel guilty. We all need a little help now and again. 🤗

Talk to a postpartum doula, they can process and help you grieve the birth experience you didn’t get to have. This is totally normal to grieve this ❤️

I felt similarly, had a normal pregnancy, did hypnobirth classes, and labored at home. I was really struggling and my midwives on the phone were convinced I was still in early labor but the I felt the urge to push and we had to rush to the birth center. I was already exhausted and so done with all of it, hoping a water tub would help. But then my blood pressure was high and there was meconium when my water broke so I had to transfer to the hospital. By the time I delivered I was just glad it was over and I had no desire to go through that ever again. Which was a surprise because I felt really prepared and open minded about natural birth from the start. But I have been able to let go of it slowly with time.

Wow! Not only did you bring a child into this world but you really made it very far unmedicated! Birth is uncontrollable. You’ll never know what kind of twists and turns labor may take. You went out there with a plan, and you succeeded in that plan until it no longer was an option, then you switched plans. You were flexible when it mattered. You adapted. You didn’t fail. Your labor stalled and you adjusted your plans. You did exactly what you needed to! Now, I’m not saying it’s not okay to feel sad because it wasn’t what you hoped for. That is perfectly understandable. Just know that you did what you had to bring your baby earthside. That’s what a mother would do. That is NATURAL.

I see a therapist and would highly recommend you work with one on this, if you can. Mine is really helping me overcome the trauma from birth. It’s complex. A lot goes into it, like letting go of expectations, understanding you have nothing to prove to anyone, including yourself and of course, post partum hormones doing a major number on your emotions and perspective. You made and delivered a human!! You are a mother f*cking warrior momma!

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Thank you! These hormones tho😅

I’m 5 months post partum and I wanted to vbac for my second but was unsuccessful. I still struggle with knowing I won’t experience a vaginal birth and that instantaneous connection to your child after you give birth versus waiting and being strapped down to a table. My birth the second time around was pretty traumatic due to covid. I go through waves of emotions of feeling like I am missing that instant opportunity to bond after birth. But remind myself that I tried my best, birthing is hard and I can reflect on other moments of bonding with my child. It’s a healing process with many ups and downs. Hang in there mama it’s okay to mourn what you thought could be. Let yourself have those emotions and heal. You’re still a warrior and love your child fiercely, remember that.

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As are you! Bringing life into this world is hard. Be gentle on yourself and allow yourself to have all your feelings.

Wow! That literally brought me to tears. U are amazing. C section is such a big deal. A major surgery. Thank you for sharing 💓

There is NOTHING to be ashamed of! You delivered a human being. There should never ever EVER be any shame for getting an epidural. Going completely natural does not make one a better mom than one who gets an epidural. Nor does delivery vaginally vs cesarian. Be proud of all you and your body accomplished!! 🤗🤗🤗

Focus on the other end result, that is all that matters in the end, not how you got there

Don’t be mad at yourself for what you hoped would happen. Be proud of yourself for what DID happen! I had an unplanned emergency c-section at 27 weeks and 1 day. My son has been in the NICU for 13 weeks this coming Monday. I’ve spent long long nights blaming myself for what I couldn’t control. But at the end of the day you still brought a new life into the world, epidural or not. Pat yourself on the back mama. You did amazing. 💕

I’m hoping to have a natural birth as well, but there’s absolutely no guilt in not. I’m only leaning that way because although it’s preferable anyway, I also know my mom had very easy labors so I feel I may be similar. But honestly, God also gave us doctors lol I’m not one for medicating over every little thing and all that, but at the same time there is also purpose in it. And I really believe a lot of them (like epidurals) were created by inspired thought, because He CARES for us. Plus, getting an epidural a lot of times speeds up the process because your body is able to relax, so had you not gotten it you may have had hours left and zero energy in the end to enjoy your first moments with your little one 🤷🏻‍♀️ You did great! This little life is here because of YOU. Don’t discount that over a small detail ♥️

My daughter’s birth didn’t go as I planned at all. I wanted a natural birth as well, medication wasn’t much of an option. I tried hard and made it to 5 cm and got stuck in there, I felt really tired and dehydrated, I was throwing up over and over again, couldn’t even drink water at that point, then I asked for medication (pethidine). I was holding on but my baby was in distress, her heart rate was dropping and there was meconium in the waters so we decided to go for a cesarean. And you know what? I feel freaking amazing, and we all are! You literally grew a little human inside you, you went through pregnancy which is not an easy thing and gave birth to your baby, this is the most incredible thing ever! I go above and beyond for my baby and you probably do for yours too. Try to focus on the positives and remember most things in life don’t go as we plan, what matters is what we get as result. And as other mamas said, you are allowed to feel sad about it, it will get better with time xx

I’m still mourning my birthing expectations at 3 weeks pp. My baby is still in the NICU for meconium aspiration which makes it worse for me. My husband is angry and I hate seeing him like that. I ended up having a c section and not one but two epidurals! I keep trying to tell myself that I have a beautiful baby boy and he’s been so strong too... but it is hard. I still feel cut open... in every sense.

I felt the same. I dreamed of an unmedicated active water birth using hypnobirthing. I ended up being induced because of polyhydrominos and was in unsuccessful labour for 48hours strapped to drips and monitors constantly and ended up with an emergency c section. Im 5 weeks pp and still think about it a lot xx

Oh Wendy, I’m so sorry you’re having such a difficult time right now. My experience wasn’t the same as yours, but I feel in some ways I can really relate; my labor and delivery went very quickly and relatively smoothly, but I had a fairly serious complication just after my daughter was born. The first night in the hospital was terrifying. Everything turned out fine, but I found myself thinking about it almost constantly for the first few weeks postpartum. A friend of mine told me essentially just to get over it when I tried to talk to her about it, which probably contributed to me just silently thinking about it for more weeks. I also felt like I had done something wrong, and that regret and the lingering fear were so hard on me. But now my daughter is 16 months old, and I can promise you that you will feel better in time. I also am so impressed that you’re willing to talk about how you’re feeling!! I think that will help, too.

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And as others have said, you are so strong, and you have so much to feel proud of!! You are amazing, and you brought life into this world!! I know how hard it is to let go of the regrets, but you didn’t fail. Doctors and medicine exist for a reason, and it doesn’t at all make you weak to need help from them. I wish you all the best, and pray for peace for you! You deserve it.

I wasnt going to take them epidural and then i did Although i dont regret it bc the pain was so intense i wasnt enjoying the experience. I wasnt talking to the nurses to my husband and i kept my eyes closed and tried to breathe through the pain THROUGH A MASK BC OF COVID (I gave birth in nyc early july). I couldnt sit still and the monitors for the babys heart rate kept coming off and they said i couldnt control my movements they would need to put a sensor attached to his head to track heart rate. They also couldnt track the contractions and they were coming fast, so fast i couldnt recover from the last one before the next one came...I didnt want that and i didnt want to be mute during labor so i took the epidural around 7 or 8 cms. I felt nothing and was able to enjoy and remember as much as i could. Like one of my obgyns said when i was still focused on not taking an epidural, no one gets an award after childbirth for not taking pain meds. At the time that comment pissed me off, but its true.

I was hoping for a natural birth too. I ended up with an emergency csection after 23 hrs in labour I got to 8.5cm. I also had an epi as I was so tired and needed to rest (which didn’t even happen anyway as my blood pressure dropped and they turned it off) At first I was so upset I didn’t get the birth I thought I would have. But in the end I got a healthy happy little girl and that’s all I can really ask for. I had a lot of complications in my labour so next pregnancy I will just opt for a scheduled csection. I now don’t feel like I missed out at all. I grew and birthed (via csection) a baby and that’s pretty amazing. I now realise it doesn’t matter how you have a baby natural ivf or natural delivery or csection. Women are amazing and so bloody strong. You should be very proud of yourself.

Stop bullying yourself, you did amazing!!! Celebrate what you did do girl, that’s amazing!

It’s been 3 months since the little boy was born and sometimes I wonder the what-ifs as well. I had such a healthy pregnancy and was looking forward to a water birth. But little boy decided to break his waters 5 days early, and cos the midwives were concerned about infection setting in, had to be induced with Sytocin (as it’s called in the U.K.) Hormone-induced labour is intense, and the contractions were causing his heart rate to drop, and I wasn’t dilating. In the end the entire plan went out the window cos we had an unplanned C-section to get him out. Still wonder what a vaginal birth would have been like. Sometimes it feels like I missed out on that whole experience. But in the end, what matters is we got him out safely, and he’s healthy and thriving. So be kind to yourself. It’s ok to grieve the what might have been but don’t let it cloud the fact that you and your baby are alive and well - and that is the main thing.

Yup. My birth was crazy. I was induced at 38 weeks due to IUGR (small baby). Then 2 rounds of cervadill, epidural and 32 hours of labor. I was exhausted. Then I find out my baby needs to go to the NICU for low blood sugar and that he has Down Syndrome. Then they put him on oxygen and do stuff to him that I never got a say in and pushed us to keep him there for 12 days. I didn’t get to spend much time with him because of him being away from me. Then had to bring him home on oxygen and developmental milestones are challenging.

I absolutely get what you are saying and I feel quite sad at some of the battering comments above. I didn’t have the pregnancy or birth I wanted. I had a serious complication due to poor management by the medical staff. I so wish that I could turn back the clock and take a different path that would have almost certainly led to a far more positive experience. I will be requesting a birth reflection and am considering putting in a complaint so that other ladies do not have go through my experience which was entirely preventable. Despite the odds my baby was fine and I will eventually recover. I love my little boy to pieces and feel so sad that due to his birth I missed the first 5 weeks of his life. I try to move on but do feel that it’s hanging in the background. In conclusion (& I’m sorry it sounds like an essay), allow yourself to mourn as well as being thankful for your little one. 💜

Gosh I can relate to this so much and my baby girl is 8 months! I did the hypnobirthing and in my head it was going to a positive experience.. I had my whole pregnancy dreaming of the birth I imagined. Furthermore my girl was born poorly and needed immediate transfer to NICU so I didn’t have the skin to skin & “Golden hour” I also dreamed of. But reality I ended up with an emergency C section and waiting 3 days to hold my baby. I have a beautiful healthy baby girl who’s just perfect! But I’m still cut up about how things didn’t go to my plan!

I suggest you to find hypnotherapist or even better if you can find hypnobirthing therapist. Somebody who will listen and understand and help you to heal your experience ❤️ hypnosis may help a lot with that 😊

It’s hard....I struggled a lot with my first because his birth went the opposite way then I wanted in almost every way. After 5 days of labor I opted for an epidural, ended up with a traumatic c-section it was rough. But you have to remind yourself it’s NOT your fault. Birth is unpredictable, our bodies unpredictable, and being exhausted and pushing isn’t easy. I know after having the epidural that was the most sleep I got in days and I felt ready to take on whatever came. It takes time, it took me months to deal with it and I honestly didn’t want to get pregnant again. I joined a Facebook support group and that helped. I know where you’re coming from and I know you’re grateful for a healthy baby but I also know that doesn’t take away from the guilt and sadness.

Wendy you did amazing! I really understand you! I am going to share my experience of my traumatic first labor! When I had my first daughter I also planned to not had an epidural and so I did! For a first labor I had a pretty fast one. Was 6 hours of labor what is not unusual for a first time mom. So I delivered my daughter without an epidural but after her labor was a complicated crazy and traumatic history. And because my labor was really fast I end up having a really bad laceration. So I didn't had an epidural so I felt she stich me down there with all the pain without anesthesia. But I couldn't stop bleeding then she had to do all over again because she couldn't stopping the bleeding. The she found out that my cervix was ripped too. My body got in shock and at the time I told her that the pain I was feeling was 10x bad that the labor. They had to call the anesthesiologist to give an epidural to repair my cervix, but the epidural didn't catch until the end of the procedure.

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Then During the procedure crazy thought came to my mind I really thought I could die there, I thought after all the messy I couldn't having more child. Was literally one year to recover all the trauma. You choose what was best. So end right now I am pregnant of baby number 3. My second labor I didn't had time to get to the hospital my baby was delivered at mass pike inside the car. And the second labor was liberating to cure all the trauma I had before. God knows what's best for us, sometimes we want to controle the situation on our lives, but just god have the controle above all. Sometimes things we see is not good above our eyes, but in the future you will see that was meant to be. All the love and support on your PP. I will be praying for you! ❣️

It will be okay. I planned on an unmedicated natural birth as well. However my baby and my body had other plans. On September 18 I was induced with pitocin (my baby was big and the Dr was worried that if I waited longer she would have been way to big). After about 24 hours with no progress the nurses tried to break my water and I told them no and ended up being sent home. At around 11 pm September 20th my husband and I went to Walmart to find a yoga ball for me to do labor exercises with. Well my water broke and at 12:10 we headed to the hospital (I felt gross and wanted to shower first). I got to the hospital, labored for 18 hours without an epidural (it was brutal because they again gave me pitocin) then labored another hour with the epidural just to get told that I would have my vaginal birth because my pelvis was to small for my baby's head to pass through. To this day I wish I could have had my birth plan work. Some things happen that we can't explain and sometimes it's okay to not be okay. ❤️

I do not mourn not being able to naturally give birth to my baby. I had to have an emergency Caesarean. It was a matter of life or death that had to be done. Even though I was 9 centimeters dilated and everything else was good with my uterus being thinned out as should be her it was just the umbelical cord was wrapped around her neck. I just know I want to be able to push out my next babies.

I understand your feelings. I wanted to have a natural vaginal delivery but I ended up having to have a c section because her heart rate dropped while I was stuck at 6cm. Try not to be so hard on yourself. No matter how we do it it's a lot on our bodies and the most important thing is that we have healthy and happy babies ❤️

I relate 100%. Your feelings are so valid. I honestly still have sadness about it three years later. I think it's an area where I need to practice acceptance and forgiveness, so I can finally let it go. I don't know if that helps at all, but just want to add one more voice to let you know you're not alone.

My birth went the exact opposite of how I wanted it to go. I also got to 9.5 cm and stopped.. I ended up having a c-section. Definitely did not want a c-section, but I’m just glad my son is healthy and safe. It doesn’t matter how our kids got here.. we still gave them life!

Honestly struggled really badly with this. I really wanted to try to have my twins through a natural birth whenever it was ment to, but after a certain point my doctor said there was too much risk involved in all 3 of our health so I ended up having an early c section. I beat my self up over it for almost 5 months, then I eventually accepted it. I realized that it's in the past and me and my boys are healthy now and that's all that matters, I will try a natural birth with my next baby in the future (:

I certainly went through something similar. Nobody really understands the depth of emotion involved in a failed birth story. With the recurring comment, “But your child is healthy, what more could you want?”. It was my first birth and I never fully recovered until I had my second child (which was a very similar birth, distressed baby resulting in emergency c-section but I went in with a different outlook). I suppose it’s the setting of expectation and thinking we are totally in control when reality is we are only in control to a certain extent. You never really know what you’re facing until you’re there. The second guessing yourself, regret, the what if’s, everything. I’m trying for number 3 now which I’ve been capped by the surgeon. My first 2 are c-sections and it’s really taboo to have a VBAC2 unless you find a really supportive gyno which probably isn’t common within the public health system. If my childbirths were ‘natural’ I’d be having more than 3 children.

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I’ve had a similar experience with 2 c sections. If you don’t mind sharing I’m curious as to why the surgeon capped you at 3? No one will give me the time of day or answer my questions related to safety with more children following 2 c sections. I had my second first week covid hit in the US so I’ve had a large neglect in care and been brushed off during and after having my son. I’m probably done after 3 but considering 4 based on where life takes us. Do you mind sharing what your surgeon told you?

I don’t think there’s any control at all. We have to not have any expectations as it leads to disappointment. I had a natural birth and would not wish that level of pain on anyone. I also had several tears with my first born and felt like crying everytime I went to the loo. This lasted for weeks and was excruciating. There’s no medals for doing it 100% natural. I don’t understand why people put so much pressure on themselves.

Personally I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I had a 100% unmedicated birth with both my sons. Both labour was super speedy particularly for my 2nd born. Out in 7 mins so pain meds wasn’t an option. There are so many women out there who are in labour for days/hours and the pain is excruciating so I really don’t think there’s any medals in trying to deal with that level of pain. I think it’s luck and being a mum is tough enough without putting pressure on ourselves even further. I never dreamt of a giving birth in a certain way and just thought I’d do what I need to do at the time. I didn’t put pressure on myself and was really keen on pain meds if required but I didn’t need it in the end but I don’t think there’s any shame either way. I also don’t understand the fascination with having a 100% unmedicated birth. If you don’t need to suffer that level of pain then why do it. It was by far the most painful experience of my life as I didn’t have any pain meds at all 🤔🤪

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From my experience.. my body failed me to get pregnant.. i wanted my body to work and I wanted to trust it to do the right thing in regards to birth.. so this is why i wanted so badly an unmedicated birth

I just read this post I just wanna say sorry for what happen and I’m praying for you ever need someone to talk to I’m here I don’t mind

10cm dilated.. in the middle of pushing my midwife got up left the room and came back with the surgical team.. his heart rate plummeted during pushing.. i didn't get a choice and I cried for my son's first week of life. My body failed me trying to get pregnant and medicine failed my body during pregnancy. I still mourn it two years later.. even with my second. I honestly feel robbed and I don't know how to snap out of it.

Baby is almost 9 months and I still think about her birthday a lot. I never got contractions. My water broke. After 24 hours our temperatures and heart rates were rising. I couldn't keep down water and was vomiting. Finally my midwife told it was time to go to the hospital. With in 4 hours of being admitted I was holding my baby girl. But I DID NOT want to be at hospital. It just didn't go as planned... Every time I go back to that headspace I gently whisper to myself that everyone involved did the absolute best they could and my baby is healt and wonderful. And I let the moment go. But dose surface again and I have to go thought the play by play and thought process all over again. All that to say. I empathize with you. It will get better ❤️❤️❤️

I didnt get anywhere near my dream birth. I had him at 29+1. Took me almost 2 whole years of the whole “its my fault” when it wasnt.

Seriously struggling with this. I was in labor 32 hours, for 10 hours I was stuck at 3cm. The birthing center I was registered at has a 24 hour window after your water breaks for you to progress to active labor. I had to be transferred to a hospital. I reached exhaustion and couldn’t stop myself from giving in the urge to push so they gave me morphine & the epidural. My mother & doula couldn’t be there. On top of that somehow I tested + for covid. They had to bathe my baby even though I did not want them to. I couldn’t encapsulate my placenta anymore. And we barely got to do skin to skin contact before they took her. It was such a traumatic experience. I felt powerless throughout the whole ordeal.

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What do you mean they took your baby?

I’m still upset about having an emergency c section and that I missed my son entering the world . Idk if I will heal .

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I am too! Whenever I think of my son's birth, I push away the thoughts and become anxious. I feel a lot of guilt that I wasn't there for his birth because I was under anesthetic and his dad wasn't there either in the OR because I was under. I didn't get to meet him for 3 hours post op while I was in recovery. I dont know how to overcome the shame and disappointment I feel.

My body stopped at 4cm and we had to do an unplanned cesarean. Was not how I pictured it nor was it ideal, but my baby and I are alive and healthy. Over all, I still brought life into this world and she is amazing. That’s all that matters to me. Be proud mama, let the guilt go 💖

I am in the same boat. Aug 25th, 8:30 p.m. water breaks (I don't know though because I think I just peed myself and I'm sitting on the couch with no pain and no contractions). Skip to next morning after a ok nights sleep. Husband comes home, takes me to pre-scheduled OB appointment at 10 a.m. I come in explain possibility. Doc says strip. I find my mucous plug on my pad. Tell doc, doc checks me out, what do ya know, waters are broken. Its been 12 hours already doc wants to see where my contractions are. Too far apart... Gives me option to either get balloon or go home and do it myself. I choose home. Skip to 7:00 p.m. same day. Contractions are slightly closer, but it's officially almost been 24 hours since waters broke, and baby needs to come out.

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😮 wow! Thank you for sharing. Yea with my first the epidural didn't work for me as well. I still felt every thing. So iwasnt crazy about it. This time. And it didn't do anything this time either. They kept poking around. To try to get it to work. They said that I was one of the wierd ones 😅 It hurt so bad. Finally we got the epidural to work it took about an hour. My water broke while I was in the toilet with my first🤣 i only knew because I got up and thought why iwas still peeing 🤣 I told the nurse but they didn't believe me. They kept treating me crazy

Get to hospital, get checked in, go straight up stairs. They insert balloon. They give me nitrous oxide for the pain (I asked for it). I want a water birth, doc says no. Skip to next morning, pain I'm only 3 cm dilated, now being pumped with Pitocin. Baby won't let me sleep (stomach looks like an aliens going to come out of me due to baby trying to stretch and get out. I'm in too much pain, pushed to do epidural (didn't want it originally) they missed. Up until hour 46, I could feel my legs still and the pain felt like she was pushing out. Doc checks, in only 6 cm dilated and 99% effaced (oh and she can feel the babies head crowning). I obviously can't push yet till 10cm, and she's already trying to cone out. I give up and scream for C section. I finally get rolled out into the surgery. Doc has to put me out, as I'm passing out, doc states to the nurse, "So glad she got here when she did, she was close to hemorrhaging." Worst labor every!

My birth didn't go as I planned either. 😢 He came 3 weeks early and I didn't progress passed 2cm and both mine and baby's heart rate were up and down so I got sent for emergency c section 😭 so in my head it don't feel like I have had a baby as it didn't happen naturally 😭

My daughter turned one at the beginning of August and thinking back on how I felt during her birth still breaks my heart. I wish I advocated for myself. I learnt a lot of lessons, but wish I hadn't have had to 💔

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That's how I felt too, Ashley. Lots of lessons learned. ❤

I see you Wendy. I also wanted an unmedicated birth. I went into early labor with period cramps every 10 minutes starting on a Monday night, went to to the hospital on Wednesday morning when contractions were around 5 minutes apart (I should have waited longer!). Midwife said I wasn't quite ready, only 2 cm dilated, so she had me walk around the hospital for an hour (I should have gone home!). I was the 3 cm dilated! Got admitted to the hospital, nurse got me ready. I asked for the wireless monitoring, nurse said I can only walk so far...so she hooked me up to the wires and let me walk every 30 minutes (I should have accepted the wireless monitoring with limited walking distance) Since I was laying down for 30 minutes every 30 minutes, contractions slowed down, they gave me pitocin (I should have denied it at least the first couple times!) A few hours in ...and lots of visitors who I did not want there (I should have asked them for privacy, I felt like an animal on display!) I caved and asked for

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They were mostly family on his side (and my mom who of course I wanted there). We had a code phrase in case I wanted him to kick everyone out...I used it and he asked me to confirm it...I didnt have the guts to tell him again that I wanted everyone out, so I said never mind (why?!). I hope I have 1 or 2 more babies...I know that I will advocate for myself this time. I secretly wish I could go into labor during covid times so that there's a guarantee that no one but my husband will be there! I've learned to heal. I've learned to take it as a lesson. I've learned to see the positive. ❤❤❤

the epidural. I didnt feel like I had the freedom to labor freely. I felt embarrassed by my moans. I didn't like all those visitors (though I know they were there for support, it's not what I needed at the moment) seeing me in such a vulnerable state. I'm a strong, independent woman, and it was such a different side of me to share. It was a moment for my husband and I to share, not all those visitors (why didn't I ask them to wait in the waiting room?!). Well everyone had to leave so that I could get the epidural...and then no one came back. I rested a few hours (it was now Wednesday night and I hadn't slept since Sunday night) then was up enjoying the rainy last night with my baby inside me. My baby girl was born at 6:32am on Thursday morning- Valentine's day- after just a few pushes. I mourned my unmedicated birth for a few weeks after my daughter's birth. Although I opened up to my husband about how I felt, I left out the visitor part.

I can’t image how that must feel. But you should have faith that God planned the best way for you to deliver your baby, and sometimes HIS plan is not our plan! But you should feel victorious anyway that even with a health issue you have 2 children! I hope you can overcome the guilt and focus on the 2 miracles you have. 🙏🏻😘🥰