Partner wanting to provide less now I'm back at work...😬
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@Krystle ye I understand... I've tried to talk about it but he gets all pissy. I just think if your earning double, surely you'd continue to support at least until baby is 1 years old ? I can't go back to work full time until next year now.
I would agree. He sounds to be a little immature and being quite selfish. It’s no longer all about him. That’s a tricky position you’re in, I would be super pissed too
@Krystle thanks for your advice...xxx
Wasn’t really advice, but your feelings are very valid. Are you guys married?
I agree with Krystle, that’s kinda how we split our finances. I also agree that he sounds very immature and very selfish
NO YOURE NOT WRONG. WHAT AN ASSHOLE
Wow... what an absolute dick he is. No your not wrong. So you earn £300 extra, but you'll have childcare to pay for now. Will he be picking up half of the household chores then seen as your going back to work???
@Krystle thankfully not lol
@Helen just don't now x
@Jacqueline my thoughts too x
@Amy this!!! charge him for laundry, and for meals, and for his share of childcare, I’m pretty sure then he will pipe back down
@Amy LOOOL love this comment. Unfortunately no darling he isn't going to do laundry or household chores etc... its all on me. Men expect us to be the man aswell as the woman. Makes me mad !
You need to be the man then and tell him NO.
Boot his arse to the curb. I'd stop doing everything you do for him and when he says anything mention the fact that you don't have time/money to mother a grown man!
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For comparison, my husband pays for 95% of things and also pays for all childcare so I get free time here and there. Anything I make I keep for myself and my son
Maybe talk to your partner rationally about why he wants you to cover more? Is he stressing about savings or retirement? There could be multiple reasons. We all internalize our relationship with money differently. He might be stressing about his finances for a reason, but if it’s approached that he’s being selfish, I don’t think that will keep communication safe and open.
@Karin I agree. It definitely warrants a proper conversation without any finger pointing. I certainly wouldn’t leave him over this, especially since raising a baby solo is a lot more stressful than a bump in the road relationship moment.
It is all about team work especially when children are involved. He is being very selfish, you should consider if he is even worthwhile as money issues can be a sign of financial abuse. Considering the fact that you are taking on household responsibilities, he sounds like a loafer!
@Amy trust me this is my new mindset now !!!
@Jacqueline this is how it should be in my opinion... don't understand why he expects me to cover more now x
@Karin he has a credit card with £6,000 debt on it. He wants to pay it off which I understand but doesn't make it right to then make me cover more when my wage is literally close to none. I'm always in overdrafts as it is because I do all the food shopping.. I pay childcare out of my maternity pay aswell. He gives me just over half his wage to cover the mortgage and bills... but now he wants to give me less. X
@Krystle wouldn't leave him over it.... but I just don't agree with it. I'm raising two of his kids both under two x
@Penelope this is exactly it. He is a loafer !
It makes no sense for him to contribute less. The point of you going back to work is because you need to add money to the pot, not keep it level. All his “solution” will do is be sure that you don’t have any extra income, but see your child less. Tell him you may as well stay home with the baby if he plans on contributing less because it’s not worth it to to be away from your child without an increase in income to benefit the family.
@Jacie thanks hun... I'll tell him this when we have the talk again. He thinks I'm being dramatic and unfair... he doesn't understand that I'm still raising the kids whilst working- he just works. He gets frustrated when he is with the kids for 5 mins coming home... saying 'all I want is some rest.' LOOOOL seriously?! .... what about me ? I'm not allowed to say that though because if I do.. then I'm basically making it 'about me' and making his feelings 'invalid' Pathetic really...
I totally get it. I have my own issues with my husband having comments like that and it drives me f-ing crazy!!
@Jacie why are they like this though 😅
Even today... I sold my daughters old carseat to someone for £20.00 because I brought her a new one as she's getting older - and the man who came to collect bank transfered over to him. He didn't once offer to give me that money to go towards her new carseat which once again, I paid for. The guy is incredibly selfish and I question what the fuck I'm doing with someone like that who complains to provide and barely contributes towards the kids stuff. Just so mad !
Finances are such a touchy and delicate subject to navigate. Typically it is recommended to split things based on wage. So if he makes double, he would pay 75% and you could cover 25. Roughly anyways. That way, you can still save and invest for retirement while also having a little spending money. I would be upset too but this is something you need to have a very open conversation about.