Feeling like a single parent!

I’m with you! My daughter is 6 months and my partner has never changed a nappy, could count on one hand the times he has given her a bottle and has never done a night shift. He works full time and his job is very physical… but being a mum is 24/7 and we never ever get a “break”. So not really a fair excuse! My partner has 16 nieces and nephews and is amazing with them. I know other ladies in my position have had their partners say they find it difficult managing such a little baby and I think males particularly thrive as the little ones get older and there is more “play” etc

This is really sad. My partner works and does all the cooking, I never go in the kitchen 😂 I breastfeed but he still gets up in the night with me if I need him to help settle the baby and he doesn’t moan just gets on with it. He also does chores without me having to ask, as it should be. He knows being with baby 24/7 is harder and always thanks me for doing a good job. I think what made him realise was being left alone with the baby and seeing how challenging it really is. Can you leave baby with him for his weekend? Get him to do all the cooking, night feeds, childcare on his own? I see men all the time say being a SAHM mum must be the easiest thing in the world then you ask them to do it and all of a sudden it’s “too much to ask?” 🙄 😂

@Chantelle im glad im not alone! It’s not that i want a ‘break’ as such but just time to even clean my teeth without having to watch my LO would be nice. And not having to ask him to do things. He wasn’t like this before the baby came. @Chloe I did some babysitting a few months ago and mention it to him, said I will be gone from 5pm till 12am. All he needed to do was bath him and put him to bed. Then give him milk if he wakes up. Just before going to leave his mum turns up and says she’s having my LO over night as my partner had asked her as I won’t be there. There is no winning sadly

What exactly does he contribute? Ask yourself, would you really be any worse off separating and getting child support? He sounds worse than useless. I’d say share this comic with him but he sounds like a lost cause, it doesn’t sound like he even wants to help: https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/ I’m sorry you’re in this position. It’s appalling how many men think this is acceptable behaviour as fathers. Shockingly disappointing.

@Anke that’s a hard thing to answer. Hard part is I do love him. But I also wouldn’t want to leave my LO with him when I know he would just ignore him and sit on his phone. Thank you for sharing the comic, it’s really good and worth a try I guess.

The sad thing is that resentment eventually will kill the love. There’s no way you can continue like this long term. I think your partner needs a very serious ultimatum. You deserve so much better, Mama.

@Chantelle he’s never changed a nappy in 6 months!!??

Have you sat down with him and had a conversation (not to blame him) but to tell him how you’re feeling and ask him how he is? It might be that he’s just useless and not the partner you deserve or parent your LO deserves, but I’m just thinking could it also be that he’s suffering with PPD? It’s a very real thing dads can struggle with? Also he might just not feel confident. I’m not trying to make excuses for his behaviour and neither should you, just become you love him. Love isn’t enough on its own and quite frankly it’s not good for your baby to be around that. Even if you split and he had two days where his dad ignored him and gave him to his mum. At least your LB would get so much love from you and once’s he’s bigger he’ll see that and probably not want to go to his dads. Kids model all their future relationships on what they see from ours. If they sees dad not help you they might grow up thinking that’s what love looks like - it doesn’t

Even if men aren’t all that good with the baby stuff, how does that excuse them not doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishwashing? My husband doesn’t know what he’s doing with the educational/stimulating stuff. He would take shifts and literally just cuddle baby the whole time, which was fine when she was a sleepy newborn but is less good now she needs more stimulation (5 months now). He recognises his limitations and picks up the other stuff to allow me more time to do the “fun” stuff with baby. He’ll do the laundry, the grocery shopping, tidying up, all the milk admin (cleaning and sterilising and freezing and organising bottles). He’ll step in and rock baba to sleep when she’s grizzly and over tired. He does night shifts on his days off and he doesn’t have an easy going job, he’s a doctor working long stressful hours. Even if he did NOTHING with baby, I’d have zero resentment because he’d be picking up all the other chores. That’s partnership. It’s not the 1950s anymore.

@Zoe we have had many a conversation but it just ends in an argument because he says I just don’t understand that he works hard so needs rest. We have been together for 8 years and it’s always been good, I mean we’ve had arguments and stuff who doesn’t but it’s like now I’m a mum he think I should take care of them both. For instance I asked him to change our LO’s nappy earlier as I was doing the washing and emptying the dishwasher. He did it, but when I go back in the room our LO hasn’t got their trousers or anything back on and the nappy and wipes are left on the floor for me to pick up and put in the bin. He doesn’t see this as a problem and just says I’ll do it later.

My partner doesn't work and still I'm in the same position. The first week he was amazing but since then he's not really done much. It seems like I'm asking him to jump of a cliff when I ask if I can have a bath or just five mins to myself for him to look after little one. She is 7 months and can sit unaided and plays with her toys but he could join in more and do more around the flat and with her but chooses not to. I think he thinks his baby is his phone 🤦🏼‍♀️

I would have a very blunt conversation with him, tell him you love him but it took two to make a baby and it takes you both to look after the baby, you get he is tired, as are you, but it’s not all on you and you don’t want to grow to resent him for being unhelpful.

Reading this makes me sad and frustrated. Those acting like this in their family are not worth to be called men. My partner genuinely loves me and our daughter. And it has never been a ‘job’ to him to look after a baby or help me with something around the house. We work together well as a team running the company called ‘Family’. I would have a serious conversation and if we’re not having the same values, then whats the point? Better solo then…