Has anyone grown up feeling like their parent chose and put first a man/woman over you?

My mom chose my step dad who was a drug addict and abusive. I never told my dad and he still regrets never fighting for full custody before but when I was 14 I finally chose to move in full time with him.
I told my dad for years I wanted to be with my mom because I thought she needed me. In the end I begged her to leave with me. I said we’d be okay and I’d help her all I could but she refused to leave so I did.
She cried when my dad came to pick me up. The only thing she said was “are you going to file for child support now?”
She wasn’t worried I was leaving, just about the money.

I struggled with that for years. She eventually left him and is doing better now. But I still rarely speak with her. I promised myself I’d never love a man in a way that ruled my life. Do I have attachment issues? Maybe lmao I’m also scared that my daughter and I won’t have a good relationship and when I see other mother daughter relationships it’s always sad to know I don’t get to have that connection.

I also wish I had a closer relationship like others have w their mom. I’m going to try my best to have a very loving relationship w my daughter. I hope I don’t become too overwhelming as well . & also agree I don’t want to make a man my whole world .

My dad passed away due to stew a slide and my mom started having a man he worked with years ago come over within 3 weeks, they were together for 20 something years. He started telling me what to do, calling me a bitch and she just stood beside him agreeing. He took my father’s blood sweat and tears company that was 20 years in the making. She moved in w him, I moved into my friends basement at 17 she didn’t really care to contact me for couple years til she did and now we’re close, but me knowing how she did and would act and is still with him bugs TF out of me.

Hard because before my dad passed me and my mom were best friends since forever almost. Now I’ll never look at her the same, I NEVER want my kids to feel like that. They’re our babies how could we choose someone over them

Yes, my dad chose my stepmom over his family. I was very resentful as a kid but have mostly gotten over it as an adult. I do have a decent relationship with my dad and a good relationship with my stepmom.

My mom chose my step dad over me time and time again..he came around when I was 6 and before they got married (I was 7) I BEGGED her not to marry him…idk why I didn’t like him at such a young age but I didn’t..of course she married him (still is) I went through a lot with him starting with him calling me a worthless piece of shit for not agreeing with him to getting kicked out of my house at 18 due to them not liking who I was dating (he was a black guy and they were VERY against it) told me to choose and I left…it’s been 11years almost and I barely speak to them. I have two kids of my own now (2 boys) and I couldn’t imagine ever doing something like that to them regardless of ANYTHING…they met my oldest when he was born and was around for 2.5yrs then dipped out of my life saying I was “lying to them” about what? Who knows…and they haven’t met my youngest but regularly send him diapers

Oh I hate both my mom and step dad. I remember having a talk with my mom in the car once and she just feed me some bs. Granted I was also even jealous of my mom’s dog cuz it got more love than me. But that’s life with a narc mom.

Nah. My grandma did that with her kids, so my mom made sure not to do that with us.

Yup, I didn’t resent her. Still loved her and put her on a pedestal. However, looking back it did create a distance between us. I was her protector but it taught me that you can’t force people to do anything they don’t want to do. Sometimes they have to make their own mistakes to learn, even though you can clearly see from the outside looking in how terrible of a choice they’re making. Honestly, I didn’t think too much into her picking men over me until after she died when I was 22 from stage 4 lung cancer. Then once I had my own kids it made me realize how shitty of a parent she was and I was in disbelief how I could ever put her on a pedestal. Then later I realized as a kid I felt she was doing better than my father , which is why. Since coming to terms with everything & having a better relationship with my father after him quitting his addiction, I’m appreciative of my experiences obviously bc it made me who I am today. I forgive both of them, & am determined to give my kids bette