Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

My oldest daughter

My oldest is 9 she has all 3 core symptoms of ADHD and anxiety . The way her psychiatrist. Describes it her brain goes a mile a minute with no stop or thought process. Besides from that when it come to educational learning it’s very difficult but at home everyday living skills she understands and knows very well. This my first time as a mom handling this kind of behavior so this is new to me as it’s new to her I’m struggling to have patience with her because what comes easy to my 5 and 3 year old my oldest struggles with. When my oldest decides to do things she knows is wrong I feel like she should be disciplined for it as well as if my other kids do something wrong. Report cards recently came out and I wasn’t very pleased to see that she had Fs and Ds . However, she does have an IEP in a 504 plan so the school said being as though it just was granted before spring break that this report card didn’t count but me as a parent if it was my other kids who received the same grades they should be held accountable as well as she should . Like I stated you would not have known that my oldest has a mental disability if I don’t tell you because it’s nothing you can physically see I do implement schooling in my home so we do take time during the day to go over educational things, however when it comes to my oldest, it goes in one ear and out the other, and she doesn’t remember anything, but if I put a TV or electronic in front of her, she can show me the ends and out on how to navigate through each certain things I notice irritates her when she is on her electronics something as simple as me, reminding her don’t forget to do your chore Throws her into a two-year-old tantrum. Or is your room clean? She immediately start crying as if I told her a loved one passed away so now that I have made restrictions on electronics for everyone, not just my oldest she’s not taking it very well so lotta attitude a lot of tantrums a lot of defiant behavior, and I just don’t know what to do

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I have adhd and my son does as well. I told him what the diagnosis was and we talked about it. But it was never to be an excuse. Because at the end of the day the world is not getting easier for them and it is up to us as parents to help teach them how to use their specialized brain in a way that gets them the best results. But it cannot be an excuse, however the words are different. Your adhd child is not lazy… they lack motivation, your adhd child is not scatter brained and undisciplined, they lack focus and direction, your adhd child is not bratty, they are over stimulated, your adhd child is not (always) having a tantrum, they are dysregulated and need help. Many of the behaviors are a result of poor regulation in the brain and not simply disrespect or inconsideration. Executive dysfunction is a huge problem and it can be paralyzing for a child. The defiance is a drive for autonomy. But this doesn’t mean ignore the behaviors, but we still have to train them or else they will fail.

The reason why she is crying about her room being clean or task switching …is because for adhd is extremely hard. Not only that but their brain has physical trouble organizing the steps to do the task. They actually do need you to body double and step by step help them organize how to get the task done. They need cue cards and reminders because without it, it really is overwhelming and they feel like a failure.

They need it broken into smaller pieces, a time clock also can help by showing them how much time it will take. Or by how much time they need to clean and then take an equal break such as 15 minutes clean, timer, 15 minutes break, etc…

Use their hyperfocus as a gift, when they are interested in something, turn their education around that. Get them books or little projects on that interest. Use it in their math, reading, writing. It will help keep their attention.

Remove artificial dyes for food in the house, set a consistent schedule and keep to it, absolutely limit electronics and none in the bedrooms, it has to be a place for sleep only or their little minds stay awake for hours. No electronics 2-3 hours before bed or it keeps them wired. (These are suggestions but they will help) if your child is getting really antsy, play a physical game that will get the jitters out of the body such as tag.

Book on Amazon: adhd workbook for kids. “Thriving with ADHD”

Also look up the neuroscience behind dopamine and adhd. Dopamine burnout can mimic depression even in a child.

@Janis ok I get what you saying but when she does clean her room she does everything right her psychiatrist suggested give her chores because at the end of the day she still needs to learn responsibility and routine having it broken down to where she can understand it only applies to school because at home it’s not that she doesn’t know how she just refuses to do it or simply forgets that’s a responsibility of her

@Timone Aka Tea.tea

Yeah there’s no reason to not still give her chores and responsibilities but her ability to do them my lag or have more difficulty.

I have adhd and struggle with exactly the same hurdles your daughter does. Some days I am extremely motivated and function well other days I feel frozen. School was always a struggle and my room even today is a mess. I cope better these days understanding my brain better and knowing I am different but not a bad person. Just remember she is unable to regulate her emotions, probably is very aware she is different and needs a lot more emotional support and guidance than your other children. Just remember that she is not choosing to cause trouble and that people with adhd are terrified of disappointing those around them. She needs structure and little task to focus on to get the job done.

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