What are your age differences between you and your spouse? My husband and I have a 20 year gap.

For those who married an older man, how you are keeping up?.

We are going through a rough path in our marriage, my husband is telling me I changed a lot and he is not liking this new version of me.
He met me when I was 24 and now I am 34 I of course changed, many situations in our relationship made me change as well and life in general.

I can’t stop feeling that we are just growing apart and it is very hard to find a connection with him. He tried to stay young and be cool with my friends etc. however it is just not the same anymore.

Many situations that we both experienced and some time the way he treated me caused to have a broken heart towards him, I forgave him however it is just not the same.

How you make it work especially those that are married to older men.

I feel like a shitty person for wanting to end this but I want to also find my happiness even if it means staying alone.

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I’m not in an age gap relationship so don’t have experience of that but it sounds like you have probably outgrown him. You were very young when you met but are a fully fledged adult now, a woman, with life experience and a mother.

For many people your 30s can be a time where you really know yourself and come into your own. Wondering if this growth may have shifted the balance of your relationship and he’s not pleased about it?

No shade at all to you but I’d question the maturity/ motives of a 44 year old man who wants to date a 24 year old. The power dynamic is just off to me. Maybe he liked you young and impressionable. But you’ve levelled up now and possibly seeing things through wiser eyes.

Whatever you decide to do, you’re not a shitty person if you did choose to end the relationship. Age gap aside, people outgrow relationships all the time, it’s just the way it can go. Also if he’s treated you badly in the past &you don’t feel you can truly forgive it you may be happier solo

@Sorrel he said he thought I was 34 when he first met me, I have never behave like a 24 year old at that time, so perhaps he thought I was older.
On the other hand, all what you said it’s how I feel, I am way more mature and I know myself more.
And there is something definitely inside me telling me that we are not meant for each other anymore, there is something inside me telling me that this is over.

However the hard part is that we have broken up and “we are trying again”, hoping that I could feel different about all this, and I still feel the same way, I hate hurting his feelings and I don’t know what to say anymore to end things this time for good.🥹🥹🥹🥹

I’m not sure I’d buy him thinking you were 34 when you met. 24 just doesn’t look 34 and surely that would come up in conversation pretty quick anyway? Maybe mature for your age but to me that says more about the maturity of a 44 yo not dating women closer to his own age.

Anyway it’s good that you’re growing and know yourself more, that’s part of the beauty of getting older. You’re in a relationship but you’re still an individual on your own path. So is your husband.

Sometimes those paths align and allow you to walk together, other times they split off in different directions - everybody grows and changes in relationships but you can grow together or grow apart.

I’ve been with my partner over 15y and if I think about it we’ve almost had lots of little relationships and versions of ourselves within that time. How we communicate and behave now is different to 10y ago and to me that’s normal.

Trust yourself and how you feel. Maybe it’s not feeling right anymore because it isn’t. Whether that’s because you’ve changed, he’s changed, what’s gone on between you - all of that is almost irrelevant, it just feels different now.

I do see your point about ‘trying again’ and of course you don’t want to hurt someone you love but you can’t stay in a relationship solely for the other person. Maybe you’ll both be happier alone or with other people that are a better fit for who you are now.

No one can tell you to leave your husband but be open to the possibility that this relationship may no longer be working and that from what you’re saying perhaps it’s run its course. Sounds like some open and honest conversations with yourself and with each other are needed.

Couples therapy can help you make this decision. Couples therapy doesn’t mean you will stay together but can make a break up or divorce go smoother if that’s what is decided upon

@Sorrel thank you, you have no idea how much you had helped me.

In the past we broke up only for almost 1.5 month and then we tried again, during that time I was pretty honest the reason why I wanted to separate and one of the reasons too is that my love for him, like I am not feeling in love with him anymore.
However we sat down again and we pretty much gave a timeline for me and also him to see how this is going and see if I can change my feelings or how I feel about all this.

But I can’t stop feeling this will be all my fault to break a family a 10 year marriage, and he is really good at pointing at that and I think he does it so I could stay.

But yes, it does not feel right anymore.
Thank you for helping me 🫶🏻

@Ashley that is a good idea, thank you so much…

Best of luck with everything 🫶🏽

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