Emotional cheating vs. Physical cheating
Hi !
Over 2 years ago I cheated emotionally on my husband . Nothing physical ever happened but it did not happened because my husband caught my messages and the other guy (who is also married) decided it was safer to stop the mess right there - which was defo the right thing to do ! But I keep being attracted to him. I am not in love, but I think he has something ( different temperament , different lifestyle, personality etc. ) that I like . Plus there is this “unfinished story” feeling. Anyway ! My husband wanted me to have a no contact policy with this guy but I did not. We worked together so of course we were in touch and then I left the company one year ago but did not stop the contact. Even if we kept messaging ( mainly me, I admit ) it had always been friendly and nothing more since then and not planning anything more.
Our couple was going south already for many reason ( my husband has a very minimal commitment to house chores and even though when this cheating happened he was off work for 2 years , he was still not doing much + I was still paying for childcare + he is more committed to his religion than before and I don’t like the fact he can have time for religion but not for house chores , for me religion needs to fit within your daily life and should not impact it )
So this cheating and the fact I kept messaging this guy was what he was blaming me for since then. But on my side , I can’t tolerate his attitude . And we disagree about the reason why the couple is going wrong. We argue every single day and we are both tired of this blame game and tension.
Few weeks ago I said I did not feel like we are a couple anymore ( he asked me to leave many times before as well when he was angry ) and I removed my ring and put in on my necklace .
Now I discovered that when he went abroad over the last month to see his family , he cheated on me with an ex « hook up plan » he knew before me. They have been in touch in a friendly way for 12 years ( happy birthday , congrats kind of messages ) but he did cheat physically and not once. I’ve seen the messages and the first one was « unexpected » because they just went for a drink but when he went back few weeks after it was all planed. When I discovered I did no say anything straightaway ( I was not even sad I think , more disgusted ) I made a lot of obvious comment to make him understand that I knew , nothing. I had to show the message for him to admit. And he is kind of sorry but also that’s a bit my fault because I am the one who started to cheat in 2022 and incorporated this mess and recently said we were not really together plus did not give him much attention.
What do you think ? I am exhausted and I don’t even know if I can or if I want to fight and forgive …
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i’m not sure why you’re still together. in my opinion, if you’re willing to cheat the relationship is dead already
because having a kid + our relation being amazing before . There is always this small hope that it could get better . But not sure now :/
I think mate that it’s over. Enjoy what was good, leave it there and co parent. Or go to therapy if you both really want to fix it. For your child it sounds like you need to have an open and honest conversation free of blame and finger pointing and discuss what the best move is. A good thing will rarely return after cheating but if it does you’ll have to work at it x good luck
the worst thing to do would be to stay together in a unhappy relationship and for your child to grow up thinking that type of relationship is normal! you want them to grow up around healthy loving relationships
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