Husband comes home at 2AM

Im sorry but i really just wouldn't stand for this type of behaviour. From what you've said he sounds like a narcissistic. Hes the one that sounds controlling. 😞

Nope..not normal at all. He is even a dad to your kid? Or a partner to you?
I don't think being out every weekend makes you a present parent or partner... Don't let him gaslight you. He sucks

He needs to grow up, tantruming over a night out with friends while he’s in his 30’s and all the 18 year old in the club are laughing at him and his mates as the embarrassing dads in the corner.
He’s embarrassing and pathetic.
He’s the controlling one and you and your baby deserve better.
Get you and your baby packed up and go enjoy yourselves and do something nice and make memories. Leave him to stagnate with his shitty friends the cretin.

This is exactly what I've been through and am currently going through. I'm sorry for you too..

No this is not normal for a mature and present father. What does he think just because the baby is sleeping it's fine? Hes probably hung over the next day. What if you needed him for an emergency and he's out drunk and unavailable? What is he doing during these late hours other than hanging out with a bunch of other drunk people, putting himself in compromising situations I'm sure. The way he responds to your feeling about it shows he is gaslighting you too

I would never tolerate this behavior. My husband wouldn’t dare doing that. The only time he comes home late is if he was working all night. The dude is in his 30s he needs to grow up and be a parent.

No, this is not ok. He’s acting very immature. It’s one thing to go for dinner with friends once in a while and come back at say 11 PM with obviously appropriate help/cover in place if needed and it’s another thing to go out every week on nights out at ridiculous times.
He can see his friends but needs to learn how to see them at decent hours. I also surely hope you get a break as well!

It’s only acceptable if you go it! I would arrange to go out all day Saturday with your friends and leave him with the baby :) or an evening fit dinner and drinks. Maintaining friendships and doing this separately is healthy but weekly is him being a tad childish

Twice a week is a bit much. I don’t mind the once. Because I do it too it’s the only time I can see my friends really, they all work FT now and Friday or Sat nights is the only time we can see each other and my single gfs have the kids at their BD’s every second fortnight weekend so we do one week play date w the kids and one week late night out, because they don’t have the kids w them that night and want a break at the end of their working week. I think it’s healthy for both Mum and Dad to have friends and hobbies outside of married life. But it needs to be fair, and not overdone. I don’t see once a week as a big deal but that’s me, that’s because I see friends and come home at 12-1am also (my boy sleeps through since 18m he doesn’t wake up). He sees friends, I see friends, he has hobbies, I have hobbies, it’s fair here. Neither of us overdo it, and it works, he’s never complained (unless I’ve had 2 events 2 days in a row but usually I’ve been invited weeks in advance or bought ticket

I don't see the problem with it personally. It's better he goes out at night with them because then you can do something as a family during the day. Your little one would be in bed by the time he goes out anyway so like I said, what's the problem?

I agree that he needs to grow up. I wouldn’t stand for this personally and I don’t think my husband would even dare either.
I think you have to express your feelings a final time.
Do you get a chance to go out with your friends / make time for yourself?
I wonder if you started having a few hours of me time each week, maybe the day after he’s been out so late, he’d see it’s not so easy and reduce his outings.

I wouldn’t stand for being a single parent in a relationship. If he can’t prioritize family then he doesn’t need to have one. His responses are super narcissistic as well. I would switch it up and do the same thing one night and see how he responds. I bet it would be negatively.

I agree with Rachel, LO is already in bed, what’s the issue? You can have your down time and he can have his. I’d rather he went out late than during the day/ early evening leaving me to sort everything

My oh used to go out every month with friends and would often come home at 2 as would take an hour to get home by taxi. My main issue is how is he the morning after and can he afford to go out every weekend and have a family. I’d also be just as annoyed with him going out every weekend during the day as that’s family time although every now and again is fine.

Absolutely not. My husband and I always ask eachother if it’s okay for one of us to go out. We’re not asking for permission per se but we ask out of courtesy to the other as they will be left with the baby. If one of us says no, which is rare because neither of us take advantage by going out a lot, then we will have a discussion about it.

Surely if he’s out until 3am then he’s not going to want to be doing something the next day? 😕

Selfish behaviour

He screams and shouts over seeing his friends. How old is he, 5?

My partner granted doesn't go out much but absolutely doesn't go out much now we have a 4year old and a baby in the house.

If he wanted to still go out drinking until 2am two nights a week he shouldn't have kids. Sorry mate. Time to grow up.

What is it with men these days thinking 30s is the new 18.

Not normal & so so upsetting for you to experience your own partner throwing around hurtful comments about having no friends yourself - when he himself should be one of your very best friends.

she said 2am & that he goes out on a Saturday, so I said that they can do something on a Saturday as a family before they go out.

2am or 3am doesn’t make a difference really as either way he will be out of action the next day or at least for a large proportion of it. It’s not necessarily about doing things as a family but the fact that he is leaving her with the workload every week.

My husband is 32 and we have a 9 week old baby. If he was going out every week until 2am before we had kids I would be thinking that he needs to grow up let alone if he was doing it after we had kids.

No way, my hubby and i used to party a lot. Now our priorities have changed, we only hang with others with kids really now 😆 And bed time is 8:30pm haha

@Bethan he's not leaving her with the workload during the day, is he. Who's to say he will be out of action the next day anyway? Hangover or not, he still has to parent whether he likes it or not.

If he’s drinking until around 2am then I wouldn’t want him looking after my baby until at least midday even if he was willing to get up early and do it.

midday is fine. That's only the morning she has to do on her own then.

Oh that’s okay then every week! 🙄 She also has the nighttime alone.

If you’re okay with that then that’s great but by the looks of these comments a lot of people understandably wouldn’t be.

What I will say though is that they definitely should have had a conversation about it before having kids.

No way.

No not normal x

Depends on what your issue with it is. Is it the frequency or the lateness? Is he giving you enough support before he leaves? Do you feel that you also get equal amounts of social time and rest?

Not normal at all.. it’s selfish. The same way he prioritises his friends he should prioritise you, one weekend for you the next for his friends. Nobody should excuse this behaviour. Unless you want time alone every single weekend then so be it. Should speak to him about it one more time it’s selfish

It's ok for him to do that, .... If you get to do something (with friends or alone) once a week....in the evening...where he has to stay home 🏡.... If you do get to do that, then no problem...if you choose to not do that, but could, then id say it's more of a you problem (respectfully)...
It would irritate me if I felt that I couldn't go out anymore because of the child ... Then there's resentment creeping in, but you have to figure out what it is exactly you are resenting.
Your feelings are valid, and ultimately you feel how you feel....it's our mother's sense of responsibility maybe ?
I think id be more upset of his actual behaviour surrounding going out, than the going out itself