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I don’t really want to vent to my friends about this, I like to keep some aspects of my relationship private, but I do need to get it off my chest.
I’ve been with my husband for over 15 years, married for 6. We’ve always had a great relationship. Since having our son 15 months ago it’s not as good. Our relationship isn’t bad or toxic, just seems to be in need of some TLC.
He works very hard and pays all of the bills, I’ve gone back to work 3 days a week and pay for our sons nursery fees and anything he might need (clothes , shoes, car seats etc).
I give him a bath and put him to bed every single night, I rarely go out with my friends anymore (we all have small children, multiple children etc) and spend every bit of time when I’m not working with him.
My husband cooks tea most of the time while I’m with our son and I have a feeling he does that to get out of playing/ looking after him. If I do need to do something I have to remind my husband to actually give him attention and get off his phone.
We have not been out together on our own since our wedding anniversary nearly 6 months ago. I mentioned this to him a couple of weeks ago and he said that it had crossed his mind and that he’d ask his parents to babysit at some point. We are due to go out with our friends just before Christmas and he was asking me this evening what the date was, I asked him is it because he’s asking his mum to look after our son for that day, he said it wasn’t and that he was trying to organise to go out with his friends before Christmas.
I have absolutely NO problem with him going out with his friends, he does this maybe every 4-6 weeks. I’m just disappointed that him organising a night with his friends came before us two going out. He must have seen my face and asked what the matter was and I told him. He said we could go out this weekend if I wanted but had to remind him that I’m out on Friday with family and we can’t do next weekend as it’s my works Christmas party.
He’s since gone in a strop with me and has barely spoken to me. I tried to speak to him after our son was asleep and he just said he wasn’t angry and had nothing to say - which was a lie as I have been with him for long enough to know when he is lying.
I guess I just want to know if I’m the one in the wrong for being grumpy about him not thinking of blocking a day out for us? The only reason I’ve left the actual date to him is because it will be his mum looking after our son and it just feels a bit better for him to ask her if she can rather than me?
I know we can’t go out the same now we have a child and I understand that, but I just feel that since I’ve gone back to work we’ve started the room mate phase all over again, we’re both shattered, working, parenting, slobbing on the sofa in the evening, sex life is non existent at the moment and I just wanted to go out the two of us to just have some time being us again. Please tell me we aren’t the only ones going through this phase with a nearly 18 month old!
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.Definitely not the only one even though I think we're out of it 11months pp i had this or felt like this proberly the first 8 months weve been together 13yrs married 6 and its been the most hardest 11months of my life!
@Hol thank you! I thought we were out of it and now since being back at work it’s like we have reentered it again and now he’s ignoring me 🫠
He may have expected more compromise back and felt like it was thrown back in his face, like if your out Friday he may have expected what if we do lunch or dinner on Saturday or Sunday etc and then he has made plans with his friends but it's not any different from your family night out or Christmas party so that's how he might be looking at it too. Sometimes it's just pick your battles really as otherwise you both end up miserable, the problem gets bigger and you drift apart. How old is the baby?
There's also quality time without going out but where you speak about it in advance such as on Thursday what about if we have everything done by so n so time and we cook a nice meal together and then watch a movie or have a takeaway etc. Plan an early night together on a certain night with hints of intimacy and let him know you want that closeness and time. Join him in the kitchen with the baby whilst his cooking and play with baby at the same time. Some men need a nudge but shouldn't be like that
Not saying your in the wrong just suggesting he could have a different view on it that's all
Hope you can sort it out the ignoring part i completely get and drives me up the wall! Or just on the phone not acknowledging anything your saying
It happens to most couples, once you have a kid no matter how much of a good chemistry you had, it’ll challenge your entire relationship. I feel my relationship with my husband has come back to normal only now that my daughter is 2 and is more independent. Before she was clingy to me, she’d wake up 1000 times per night and my husband just would get comfortable doing other things thinking I’m too busy with the child. Our sex life was shit and it’s only picking up now. I promise you that better days will come because me myself thought our relationship was lost until recently when he slowly started to crave for me and my attention again.
Thank you everyone! We’re back speaking 😂 he was annoyed that I’d expected him to sort it all and I was annoyed his friends were a priority.
It’s much harder now with children. I know it will go back in time! But until then we’ll just have to try that bit harder with the small stuff. X
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