Mom's who's husband's work out of town regularly

My husband works oilfield and is gone 2 weeks then home 2 weeks. Every time he comes home no matter how tight we stick to our entire routine, my daughter just loses her shit all day long till he leaves. I'm not sure how to help her adjust to her dad's schedule. Mind you it's been like this since she wad newborn. But she is giving us literal hell with tantrums and screaming, not listening. We do natural age appropriate consequences for her but NOTHING seems to be helping. Do you ladies have any idea what we can try?

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It sounds like she's not used to him being home anymore

It'll take time I was the one gone for work and it's always like adjusting brand-new when you get back for home time you might try telling her when daddy is coming and asking if she can help you make it a really fun time by behaving and if she does you and your daughter can have some special time together doing something she likes and let her know she's just as special to you when Daddy is home and when he's away she's probably just jealous that she's not the center of attention when he's home

If the routine isn't working, try a different routine while dad is home. Go to different parks, do different activities, even rotate out some toys. Change up bath time, breakfast routine, all of it. She already knows something's different, so make things different!

@Bonny Gurl this sounds like you're on to somrthing.ill try that next hitch

@Jo I can try doing this too. She's understanding a lot more. Just ordered a fridge calendar that I'm going to make into a countdown Calendar for her with her dad's face on it

She’s 2 so this is very normal, especially with the added emotions that come with her dad coming and going. Toddlers are too young to grasp the concept of what emotion they’re actually feeling, they just react and that’s not always fun for us. I know it’s hard but she’s probably feeling confused and that’s not your fault, it will just take some time for her to adjust. A parent leaving and then coming home after a long period of time will for sure cause big emotions but I think things will calm down as she gets older. She will definitely benefit from extra hugs and mama time to help ease some sadness she may feel. My husband is gone only four days out of the week and that’s hard, you are so strong, you got this!! 💕

I saw an influencer post when her partner went away for 6 weeks a book she read her young child to help him understand the situation. It's been praised by parents who have similar situations (ie partners in the military etc) it's called 'my daddy's going away' by Christopher MacGregor and is on Amazon. Not saying it will completely fix but maybe she's struggling to understand and regulate her emotions and it might help? Sending love, it must be hard. I'm pregnant with my first and my partner works in SFX for films and sometimes works abroad for months at a time, so very much considering this for when she's here xx

@Victoria thank you!! She definitely gets more mommy time when he's away

My bf travels for work when he’s not able to wfh and I usually try to video chat at least once a day or show her photos of her dad when he’s not able to. It seems like it helps her still know him and she does recognize when he’s not there for a few days and get so excited when he’s comes home now too! I’ve seen people even just do a dry erase board with small photos around it and do a countdown themselves! My bfs mom used to do a chain link garland and take one off each day- a fun craft to do together and then getting to take one off each day allows them to see the change in time as dad gets closer to coming home!

@Destiny I love this idea

in our community

Major life decision…please help!

Im 24 and a FTM to a now 10m old baby boy. I’ve been a SAHM (though I have been working 2 nights/week as a server at a restaurant since baby was 8 month old) and throughout this time I’ve felt EVERY emotion known to man. I’m happy to be there and watch my child grow but I get frustrated at how fast the day passes and the laundry’s not done and the sinks full of dishes and the house is a mess and I end up feeling really worn down and overwhelmed.

Well this past Thursday, I decided to quit the job and dedicate more time to the house and to my marriage. On Friday morning, I get a call… I’ve been accepted into medical school!

I am so torn! Going to medical school would require me to put baby in daycare or find a nanny (I will no longer be the primary presence/influence in his life). It would likely also mean delaying having more children (my husband and I want 4 with little gap in between them). It’s an extremely demanding profession that’s a minimum of 7 years so the goal of homeschooling would also be less likely.

Many moms have been able to do both, but have told me about the sacrifices they’ve had to make in terms of time spent with their children. A lot of which I really wouldn’t want to do.

I don’t know what to do! A part of me feels like saying no because my baby’s only little once, but a part of me is saying I’d be crazy to decline such a rare opportunity that I’ve wanted since I was 15.

Every time I convince myself to do one thing, I’m pulled into the others direction.

Any thoughts, advice, or food-for-thought prompts?

Also if it’s easier, here’s a poll.

Husband's just said he doesn't want our second child

I'm 37 weeks, and due an elective C-section in less than 3 weeks.
My husband has bipolar and really struggled with the trauma of my first birth 5 years ago. He agreed to us having a second, but is now saying he did it for me and not because it's what he really wanted.
Our son is his life, and he says he doesn't want this new baby. I haven't been able to really get excited this pregnancy, it's been harder than my first and my husband has never been very interested.
I just don't know what to do. Family are over an hour away, we've just moved our first to a new school closer to the house we moved into in February. I never imagined doing this alone, and don't want to rip my son's life apart, but can I really live like this knowing my husband will never want the new baby.
I just feel lost and alone now

Kissing babies

I keep seeing posts about people not wanting family to kiss their babies.

Is there anyone who doesn't mind their families kissing their babies!? I just can't see myself asking them not to, and it's a nice part of bonding for grandparents, aunts, uncles etc, no?!?
Is it really that bad? I'm sure it wasn't a thing when I was a baby..

In-laws

I just need to rant. We went to see my husband’s family last week. It was lovely but so many little comments have just pissed me off.
Some examples
- every time my husband would say, the baby has her mothers eyes/nose (whatever it was). They would disagree and say no, it’s like this person. But that person was always their side of the family.
- not giving me the baby when she’s upset
- telling me that she’s fine when I can see she’s not
- telling me not to give things like teething gel/powder/calpol
- trying to feed baby cake
- telling me I shouldn’t be doing baby led weaning

None of these things are ever said in a nasty way. But it’s just so annoying. I know I’m a first time mum and I’m happy for advice and help. But I know my baby and her cues. It honestly makes me not want to visit.

Does anyone else have similar issues? Or any advice on how to block it out?

Are the parents in my area selfish?

I sent my 3 year old yo income daycare at a moms house the last year. I pay her 45 dollars a day.
She sent out multiple texts through the year kind of getting mad for parents not paying on time (never me) she was saying how her time and money are valuable and she deserves to be paid (I agree). But the last few months she been texting me now "sorry I have a last minute appt/job I need to do can you get my kids from school?" I said sure the first few times. Now she is expecting i get her kids for free and watch them at my house for several house like every week. Shes never offered to pay or take any money off my childcare.

Another mom who ignored all my invites and texts seeing if she wanted to do playdates will randomly reach out and be like omg I can't get my kid today can you get her and watch her for a few hours. So I do and I never get a thanks, offer to pay me, or say thanks for feeding her. Usually we do snacks but today is a half day so I fed her lunch and a snack, and watched her for 4.5 hours.

I just feel like this is so rude overall to not even offer to pay at minimum for their food when its a regular thing.

Do you parent better now you’re working?

So this isn’t about loving or hating your job. This is about Parenting and how you handle day to day family life.
Do you feel more stressed trying to juggle everything and torn.
Or has having some space to be who you are outside of the home made you a better parent?

Some days I think my tolerance level would be better if I had space to just be myself outside of my role as a mother. My husband definitely can handle screaming fits and tantrums better than I can because he isn’t surrounded by it all day.

But also the idea of me not being with my little one makes me feel guilty and selfish.

Maybe I’ll always feel like this but how’s everyone else’s experience gone since returning to work. I go back in 2 weeks time.