Muslim sisters plz help. Obviously it’s Eid & I got in a huge disagreement with my husband last night and I’m not comfortable with me or our daughter being around a certain family friend that is literally around his family almost everyday.

So what should I do? My husbands sister is already planning to dinner so idk if I should go anyway and try to suck it up and be positive regardless of how angry I feel. Or should I fake sick even tho he will probably know I’m faking it and be mean to me either way. I also kind of feel bad because he took a couple days off for work for Eid and this disagreement is not something I can accept if get past over not wanting to be around this super close family friend.

Also, he was being mean and blaming me for potentially missing the morning prayer at the mosque because he didn’t get to give himself a haircut and trim his beard and look all nice and get to bed early when he never told me he wanted to do all this stuff to begin with. We went to the store to get a couple things and some groceries and then we made dinner at his families house and stayed there late and now he’s blaming me for missing the morning prayer. Help. What am I dealing with? How do I navigate this negativity?

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Why are you not comfortable with either you or your daughter being around a certain family friend?

@Neena because he pays way too much attention to my daughter. He kissed her on her head before and I didn’t like that. He’s kissed my husbands 4/5 year old niece on the lips multiple times. He’s tried to kiss my husbands other neice close to her mouth when she came to visit. He has really gross habits, like he’ll pick his nose in front of you and then touch the food. He itched his butthole over his pants while he was in a squatting position and was bouncing on his thumb WHILE WE WERE EATING. My husband thinks that ok for him to be disgusting like that because “that’s just how he is” and he always helps their family since forever and always helps with money yet he always gets too close to the girls. I honestly am wondering if he’s a pedo because he creeps me the fuck out. But my husband doesn’t believe it and trusts him. He keeps trying to tell our daughter to call him uncle too, I’m so sick of getting in arguments with my husband about this so I’m wondering if I should just not go.

I just want to avoid problems, but even if I avoid it today it’s gonna be a problem even if I avoid it because his sister is making dinner and it’s Eid. Uhg

And I can’t communicate how I’m feeling to this family friend very well because he barely speaks English and gets offended easily.

If he tries to come near your daughter to kiss her you need to quickly say, sorry please no kisses on lips’ in whatever language he will understand. Honestly, you will feel better once you state this boundary. I had a similar issue with a family member who is also gross and then one day I had enough and said it. Felt so much better after expressing that I didn’t want any lip kissing it’s stopped others doing it now too since they heard me saying it at the time.

Also try and keep your distance from him at the house.

@Sara Yeah, I get so scared of confrontation and it just gives me so much anxiety because I have a hard time saying things calmly when it comes to things that bother me with my daughter. I have told her aunt numerous times to plz stop kissing my daughter on the lips also to the point I had to almost yell at her a couple of times and she still doesn’t stop. Also, as for keeping my distance it is difficult because he will actively try to get my daughter’s attention and ties to constantly play with her, it drives me nuts. So what do I do when he won’t leave her alone even when I try to keep my distance? 🤕

Not Muslim but protecting your daughter is her right and your duty, period, regardless of who or where you are.

Be uncomfortable so that she won’t be traumatized- you have a bad feeling about this guy and he’s crossing boundaries.

Either your husband can set those boundaries or you can but either way she deserves them set and set clearly, even if it puts you as odds with the world, protect your child- he should also be taking this stance and be more brave, honestly, because it sounds like he doesn’t want to rock the boat when he should be prepared to sink the ship for his own kid.

I assume there are boy children around as well and he’s just weird with the girls, rather than it being a simple matter of culture around how children are treated. Regardless of what the standard is, your gut is talking to you for a reason. That’s very strange and I don’t think you should have to stand for it.

Me or my daughter would not be around that family member

I totally understand where you’re coming from. Honestly, I’ll just say it’s an emergency or an urgent care visit with her… Even if your husband suspects it’s not real, tell him to go ahead and that you’ll meet him there.

@🍄‍🟫🍄 Thank you 🙏 My husband clearly won’t set boundaries no matter how much I complain that I’m uncomfortable. I feel like he’s putting this family friend above me because he said that he’s been helping his family for a long time and he is family more than anyone which implied that he’s more worthy than me because he helps him with money sometimes and helps his mom, family as if I’m not here helping him raise his child 24/7 and he helps maybe 2% of the time. It’s crazy how someone can put other ppl above their own partner who raises their child. And on top of that he yelled at me saying I’m trying to control his life because I was mad that he was sending his family money while they’re on vacation in other countries having fun and we’re just sitting here poor as hell and I haven’t even been able to see my mom in a year or we haven’t gone anywhere until recently and he’s always complaining about me spending money on BASIC ESSENTIALS when I’m barely buying anything for me or our daughter😤

But he wants to tell me I can’t bring my daughter to my sisters house because of her boyfriend which I listened to him but he won’t listen to me about not being ok around his family friend. And he always tries to control what I wear. I literally threw away 80% of my clothes for him but I’m the controlling one. He doesn’t even let me get outside of the car if there’s other Arab men around for some reason.

It’s your holiday and you deserve to feel comfortable and happy as well. It’s not just about him. Are you able to just go briefly to say hello and steer clear of this person? I agree that he shouldn’t be blaming you for his behavior but I’m sure it didn’t help the situation. He probably sees nothing wrong with this family friends behavior and that’s why he’s having issue with why you’re feeling this way. I would attend but only stay briefly and steer clear of this individual then fall ill and leave to enjoy the rest of your holiday in peace!

@Aaammgg♥️♥️♥️ What do I do if I can’t steer clear of this man? He will literally go out of his way to give all the attention to my daughter and try to touch her and physically play with her as much as possible and for as long as possible.

I’m sorry… I can’t speak on anything in regard to being Muslim, but it’s you and your husband’s responsibility to protect your children. Do what you think is right!

But hey, maybe you can make it uncomfortable for him and everyone around. Say something like “we do not touch little girls! Keep your hands to yourself it’s your duty as a man.” Something similar to that hit calll it out. You can also teach your daughter how to say no and be firm. If he continues on just say something like “she said stop. Did you not hear her? What a weird thing to do.”

@Gwynalynn Uhgggg, thank you for commenting 😭 I’m stressing because I have to go to this dinner in an hour you guys and deal with him again. If I don’t go things could be worse for me so idk what to do. Maybe I’ll try to get him to talk a lot so he is distracted from playing with her idk but at the same time he barely speaks English 😭 fuck

I think I have seen you post about this before. Some of the things I read that he does have stuck in my mind.

Personally I wouldn’t leave him alone around your daughter and I would step in if he attempts to kiss her.
I would keep the peace with hubby for the sake of celebrations for your daughter, not for him. But I would approach the subject again afterwards, really he should be supporting you.

If you feel strongly about it then don’t let anyone change your mind, we have gut instincts for a reason and they’re rarely wrong.

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Husband doesn’t enjoy family time

Does anyone else feel like their husband doesn’t actually want to spend time together as a family?
My husband would rather be on his own doing his hobby (obsession). Me, our son, our dogs, we are just burdens. He gets stressed by mess, by noise and always has work to do on the evening and weekends.
I’m getting sick of feeling like this. He didn’t want to do a honeymoon, doesn’t want to do anything for Father’s Day, nothing for his birthday. Yet he has energy to organise events for his hobby.
I really don’t know why he married and had a child because it’s clearly not the life he wanted.

Am I in the wrong?

Am I in the wrong? I work part time and my husband works full time. We don’t share bills at all and he doesn’t support me in any way financially and split child costs 50/50 regardless of the pay difference.

We had a hypothetical conversation about a new job he might be applying for. The new job would be 12hr shifts working Monday-Thursday one week and then the next week would be Monday-Wednesday and this would repeat continuously.

So week 1 he would have 3 days off and week 2 he would have 4 days off.

At the moment we split the time looking after our son 50/50 outside of our working hours so we can both catch up on our personal errands or just relax. Or if you’re me, cook new foods for our son and organise everything.

My husband said if he got this new job he would expect to have all of the days off each week and I would have none as I don’t “work as hard as him 🙄”.

Ive said I’m upset about this and disagree as I would like to think he’d want me to have at least one of the days off a week or split it some other way but he doesn’t seem to understand or get my POV.

Be honest either way - if I’m in the wrong I’m honestly fine with hearing that!

First born not interested since I had my second child

I came back from the hospital after not seeing my 17 month old for 2 days, and he barely acknowledged me. Since then me and my husband have been handling 2 under 2 through divide and conquer and he's looking after my 17 month old and I've been handling the newborn. My 17 month old always loved his daddy but was a mummy's boy too - now, he's just not interested in playing with me, coming to me or anything.

I can't pick him up due to having a c section, and it's just breaking my heart. I feel really upset and kind of like I'm not his mum anymore as dad is taking over my role for now. Is this normal? Did anyone else go through this?

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Am I overreacting

Hi ladies I need to know if im over reacting or not.

So I have a 3½ year old and twins 10½month old and ever since our twins have come ive done every night feed got up in the night with them, nappy changes down to me basically everything I'm exhausted to the point that last night when I went to bed I was out for count come like 3am he came storming into our bedroom screaming at me because our LG was crying it's the first time I've ever slept through them crying at night and basically telling me I'm a shit mum because I didn't hear her. But my argument is that he was up and she is his aswell and to be a dad. Was I an arsehole to say that as now he's not speaking to me at all.