Carrying/not carrying second child

Looking for advice/experiences of anyone who has carried a pregnancy and then had their partner carry a second child or vice versa? I carried our son and had all intentions of carrying again but I'm struggling to get pregnant. My wife brought up the possibility of her carrying instead (she doesn't want to but is willing to if that makes sense). It's just upset me so much for so many reasons, I can't even explain it. I just can't imagine being on the other side of the pregnancy/birth/post partum experience!
Like
Share Mobile
Share
  • Share

Show your support

I carried first and we had full intentions of my partner carrying second baby but she’s struggling with infertility so waiting on nhs treatment to see if there’s anyways around it I don’t want to carry again had the absolute work pregnancy/labour but If my partner can’t carry then I’ll do it again. Have you spoke to gp about struggling to get pregnant? We had to try for 6 months before they stepped in to help x

@Jenna We've recently had an appointment with our consultant and there are investigations they've recommended but we're really running out of funds and these investigations are really expensive! From my understanding, where we live we don't qualify for any NHS funding due to the fact we already have a child.

Nhs in April is doing something for same sex couples not sure if it’s for people with no kids though

My wife carried our first and I carried our second. It's been really nice that we've both experienced it, but we both wanted to and it was never on our minds that just one of us would carry. We were also lucky and we got our first with IVF treatment funded by the NHS. Our second was a private funded IUI.

@Sandra how did you find the experience when your wife was pregnant? Did you feel you were missing out/less connected in any way? Before we had our son our plan was always to carry one each, after he arrived my wife was pretty certain she didn't want to go through it, I on the other hand am desperate to do it again! All worked out until we've run into fertility issues

I really enjoyed it, it was lovely to bond with the bump and I went to all the appointments and stuff so I didn't feel like I missed out at all. And I enjoyed seeing my wife pregnant and seeing her experience it. Once he was born I didn't feel any less connected either, in truth I was probably less tired than my wife as I didn't have to give birth! I probably enjoyed her being pregnant more than I enjoyed being pregnant. But that's partly due to the fact that I suffered severe anxiety when I was pregnant and it made it really hard. I did enjoy feeling the baby move around and I'm really glad that I did get to experience it though.

@Sandra thank you! That's really reassuring to hear!

my wife carried our son and im carrying our second. same donor. it was hard not carrying because you feel so out of control and also distant from the experience at first. but when baby started moving and i could share that with her, i felt more part of it. now im on the other side of things my wife is struggling with not feeling part of it but i am trying to help her through that as ive experienced it

I carried our daughter and now my wife will start trying so will carry our second child. I guess at the end of the day- everyone has a right to go through childbirth if they wish to (and can) To add more- I originally knew I’d only ever carry once but since giving birth- I have a nagging feeling in me that I’d want to do it again- but we don’t want 3 children. So only right for my wife to carry

Read more on Peanut