During my last labor my husband fell asleep

Oh, yeah. I get him being tired, and I get you needing him awake! I would get one of those vibrating alarm pads you can trigger from your phone. Something you can set off while you're in labor that will be right next to him. That way when you're not in the thick of it, he can sleep and rest up. And when you're pushing and you need him you can wake him up and he'll be fresh and ready to support you

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin is an amazing book written for dads, doulas, and anyone else supporting someone through labor and it makes it pretty clear how important it is to be there through different stages. Your local library probably has a copy to borrow! I’d definitely recommend finding a doula too if you want to make sure you have support, as she can also wake him and get him more involved without you having to manage it. At least second labors usually aren’t as long so it’s less likely he’ll have the time to fall asleep too! And hey maybe a reminder like some instant coffee or energy drinks for him to pack in HIS go bag will help too

I think it's understandable that he would need to sleep over 2 days... YOU need to sleep too. When we went in, we went in the evening and knew nothing really would happen before morning so we both tried to sleep. Unfortunately I wasnt really able to sleep, but I wanted my husband to be awake and alert during the important part, so I knew he should rest when he could. Maybe manage your own expectations too and allow him to sleep in the earlier part of the labor with the understanding that you will wake him if things begin to progress more quickly or you need his support. I think expecting him to be awake for 48 hours straight is just cruel. The nurses can help you with most things and try to help you get comfortable as well. Unless you are having a really rough labor and really need him there every second, just wake him for the parts you actually need him and let him sleep if the progression is slow. 1/2

But also with your second its usually much faster. So instead of throwing the book at him, maybe just talk about how it made you feel last time, how you wish things went and how you hope they go this time and then you can be on the same page. ❤ 2/2

I was in labor from 8am to 10:30pm and my husband had 3 whole meals while i was in pain. Idk why it bothered me so much, bc i wasnt allowed to eat and i was starving. Yet he kept coming back to the room with subway, wingstop, etc. After labor i expected him to at least let me eat the rest of his leftover wingstop but he made me share it w him😩 idk why I still think about it. Can someone lmk what they think about it

@Z 🫶🏼 I made my husband go get me dinner after mine was born. I had an induction so I knew it would be long, was about 19 hours total. I packed a huge bag of snacks for him. We went in at night and had dinner before we got there, then he slept overnight and in the morning my mom brought McDonald's. I ate a few bites, then that was the last of what I ate for the day. Baby came at 630pm and the nurses brought me a sandwhich as soon as she was born that I devoured. I dont remember if he had lunch or not, but I dont think I would have been mad at him for it. Although I can understand the hormones and why you might get mad. I'm pregnant again and this time have more irrational anger than last time, I literally wanted to scream because he was coughing the other day... like we are both getting over a cold. Obviously he needs to cough and it's not fair to be mad about that... but I was. Haha I just had to quietly seethe in anger without telling him 😂 1/2

@Z 🫶🏼 But also, if you have another, fuck the dont eat policy. It's a really stupid thing and as long as you dont stuff yourself, have a few bites of food throughout the day. They just dont want full meals and the main reason is if you have an emergency C section they dont want you to aspirate. But that's incredibly rare. Just sneak bites when they arent in the room. 2/2

@Carina I'll keep that in mind thank you❤️❤️❤️

Invest in something fun to throw at him 😁 that’s what I would do 😂

I’d definitely get some energy drinks and stuff for him but also some hospital or at least mine let me have two people so ur husband and one other support person might help that way he could be woke up if necessary but if it’s ur second he may not even have much time to fall asleep this time 🤷‍♀️

when I had my first, we both slept as much as we could. I let him nap and stuff throughout. It’s already hard to sleep with nurses coming in and out to do vital checks. The only part that he really needs to be awake for is the pushing part. it’s important you both rest up cuz your baby won’t let you rest much once they’re there.

I was induced early for “medically necessary” reasons & never progressed, my baby did not want to come, the unnatural forced contractions I was experiencing for hours upon hours felt like what I’d image death to feel like. This was no typical natural labor pain. My induction labor failed after I gave it a good fight and ended up needing to have an emergency c section. The time in which he fell asleep was during the height of my labor pains, the worst I was in tears, thought I wasn’t going to make it, was also during the height of the pandemic so no other support persons were allowed to visit or be there with me, just him. There was a women giving birth in the room next to us screaming like I’ve never heard a human scream. Like she was being murdered! It terrified me & I thought, how can my pain possibly get worse to the point I end up screaming like that when I already was experiencing what felt like death. As I said, I think it’s understandable he fell asleep…. But… cmon

As the lady is screaming, I’m having these back to back unnatural contractions, haven’t eaten, or been able to change positions because baby’s heart rate kept dropping, during a period I’m probably most in need of support thn I’ve ever needed in my life, my husband, the father and support person is asleep… yes I needed to sleep but couldn’t of course due to the immense pain.. & I just let him sleep as I suffered alone. Just couldn’t even speak. I never progressed & ended up needing a emergency c section. My epidural did not work, I truly believe early induction labors are pushed on women and this is what CAN happen… unless you’ve experienced specifically what I’m talking about here, you likely, or perhaps, won’t get it or be able to empathize truly with how it felt to be alone during that. There are No expectations when it comes to birth, you can’t truly foresee what will happen, how fast or slow pain will come about, epidurals working or not etc..

@Carina What’s actually cruel is to share with a women that her expecting her husband and father of her child, to be awake during the hardest darkest period of her life, be it 48 hours or not, is “just cruel” not to mentioned, meanwhile she HAS to be awake & physically CAN’T sleep. That cruel to say I think. Or lacking emotional awareness. Also, regarding @Z 🫶🏼 the young lady above sharing her experience about her husband eating multiple meals during her stay and making her share the food post labor… I think it’s ludicrous to make such a correlation from your experience to hers implying things like “irrational anger” & “hormones” …. Period.

That sounds horrible I’m sorry you went through that. My labor kept stalling. So then I had Pitocin & my waters broken to speed things up. I was so close to getting a c section too. Idk what I would’ve done if the epidural didn’t work. Props to you for making it through, mama. 🙏 Maybe try talking it out and expressing how badly you felt. You can tell him what you’ve told us here about it being the worst pain of your life and wanting his support.

Without realizing it we can sometimes say things to one another that truly undermine what we as women can & do go though during labor, that is not helping but I know the intention was to help so thank you nonetheless & thank you to all the others on this thread too who gave sensitive and thoughtful responses.

Yeah I'm sorry. All that context was not in your initial post. So I'm sorry my response came off insensitive. I can understand why you were so upset with him given the context. That sounds really horrible. Have you expressed to him how you felt? I truly hope you also have a different doctor this time as it sounds like they were not managing your induction well at all. The contractions shouldnt be that forced unless you are literally pushing. They needed to back off the pitocin and allow your body time to rest.