It’s hard being pregnant and having an infertile friend 😪

You know what really fucking sucks - not feeling like you can speak openly with your friend for fear of hurting them. My best friend and I met because we were both going through IVF at the same time at the same clinic. She was diagnosed infertile, whereas my husband (at the time) held the diagnosis on this side, although I do have Endometriosis. Sadly, IVF didn’t work for either of us but we remained friends and she is now my best friend. Neither of us really have any other friends - I lost mine during my 10 year battle with infertility as I became quite the bitter bitch. Fast forward a fair few years, I have a new partner and am in my third trimester of a natural pregnancy. My best friend is newly single and living back with her parents after a set back in trying a second round of IVF with her, now, ex partner. She’s been very supportive and actually quite great throughout my pregnancy but recently she’s been talking a lot about how hard it is having her life tipped upside down and going from planning IVF in the new year to being single. Her sister is now also pregnant with baby number 5, which she isn’t happy about. I fully understand how difficult it must be, I felt the same when I left my husband and started from scratch. But it has left me feeling like I can’t go to her for the small things for fear of making her feel sad or being judged because they’re minor inconveniences in comparison to her being childless (she has used this phrase regarding her sister so not an over exaggeration by any means). I just feel a bit lonely, I guess. And yes, it is minor inconveniences that are stressing me out and upsetting me but having no sounding board other than partner (who is amazing btw) is really hard. I know she shouldn’t be judgemental and some would say she can’t be much of a friend if she doesn’t want to listen, but I’ve been where she is. And I understand how bitter and twisted it can make you feel and react. And I don’t hold it against her at all, I feel it for her sometimes. I just wish I had a friend where I didn’t have to filter out the mundane. Not really sure why I’m posting tbh, there isn’t really any advice that can be offered here. Just needed to vent a bit, I think 😓

Show your support

You need to try to find someone else you can vent to. It's just not reasonable/appropriate to expect your friend to deal with that considering her situation. I am struggling with infertility, and my best friend is pregnant. I am still happy to hang out with her and even hear about her pregnancy. But if she started complaining to me/sounding ungrateful to be pregnant, I would have a really hard time with that. On the other hand, if you need to set boundaries with your friend about what venting she can do to you, that is also fair. Neither of you should expect the other person to be able to be your only sounding board. That's not healthy.

@Taylor Deal with what, exactly? I didn’t say that I was complaining or sounding ungrateful about being pregnant 🤔 nor have I ever been/done any of those things! I am incredibly privileged to be in the position that I am. My new partner and I were having tests to begin IVF when we were lucky enough to not need them. I have fuck all to complain about with my pregnancy and know my audience very fucking well having been in those exact same shoes myself. I literally said “minor inconveniences that are stressing me out and upsetting me” - such as having issues with decorating the nursery.

OK, I probably misunderstood your meaning. In my head, you wanting to vent about minor inconveniences sounded a lot like complaining. From what I understand, pregnancy can be really hard. I think it's totally valid if you do have complaints/sound ungrateful at times. I was just saying that it's also fair if your friend doesn't want to hear about that.