I am the asshole, but so was they

I cut my parents off after a turbulent childhood, and lack of effort during my adult years I have ptsd, severe depression and severe anxiety which I spent a lot of time in therapy in since dropping contact, it was definitely needed, I'd be broken down missing the relationship I used to have with my parents even when it was mixed with the shit. I decided I was worth more than a once a year visit on my brothers birthday, we'll its been 3 years now I want to rebuild Everyone was in my ear telling me how toxic they were to me as I talked about my childhood, but I've since moved in with my mother in law and realised she's worse than my mom ever was, his mom has kicked us out 3 times since July, the reasons were, not allowing her to disrespect our parenting, another was because we wanted to have breakfast before cleaning up on boxing day and lastly just the other day because their was some grease on the hob from cooking, my parents would need something more significant to consider a kick out, maybe I was too rash, but the time apart has definitely allowed me to work on my own issues and stand on my own two feet more confidently It got so bad my partner looked further away for a property within our price range to get us away from his mom, he found one in my parents town (they don't know) I want to rebuild so it might be better to be closer The shit I've had because everyone is assuming it's my idea to move that far, It was all him, but even so I moved 30 miles away from everything I knew to be with him, his only doing what I did 7 years ago The only thing I couldn't block on was email and my mom did write pretty regular just before Christmas now it's dropped off I was going to reply to the happy new year email but it never came, new year new start, but the days just keep passing and now im getting depressed again, they've given up on me haven't they? I've left it too long... I've tried writing I just write delete write delete on a loop because I can't find the words