My Boyfriend & Smoking

Hi, ladies, I need some guidance. Before me and my boyfriend met, we were heavy smokers. It’s how we bonded at night and we didn’t drink alcohol, so it was our vice of choice. I surprisingly got pregnant (13 weeks) and it was hard for me knowing I had to suddenly quit. Although, I already love my baby so I am happy to make that sacrifice. Unfortunately, no matter how many times I talk about how hard or lonely it feels it give up, my boyfriend still smokes regularly (green/cigs more than 2x a day). We never smoked inside, it was always on the balcony but our apartment is so small (700sqft.) and it’s so easy to smell and see. We compromised once a day but he got right back to smoking more often and uses the excuses “I have an addictive personality” or “It’s the weekend” or “I had a stressful day”. I also asked if he could please stop smoking cigs with the green considering how harsh and close the smell is. He proudly said he stop but I accidentally found a secret stash. At this point, I confronted him softly. He said “Sorry” but I didn’t say anything back because I do not feel as if he is sorry and not taking my feelings seriously. In the meantime, I had to sacrifice everything and when he asked me to go to therapy, I went immediately and have been working really hard. It’s isolating to feel like I’m the only one making sacrifices and putting in the hard work and producing proven results. I don’t want to feel such resentment. What do I do at this point?

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My baby is now almost 10m old and I feel this all to my soul! Me and my partner used to smoke at least an 8th a day, and lots of cigarettes.. I fell pregnant and didn't touch either again. He refused to give up as he "didn't need to because he's not the one growing the baby"! Then I had the baby and he smokes just as much as previously. He's "quit" twice since I've given birth and both times he started smoking within a week. It's made me resent him a lot and when I was PP the rage I would feel whenever I'd be looking after the baby, on 0 sleep, not showered for days and he'd be smoking weed, gaming until 5am and not helping out was on another level. It's infuriating and I hope it gets better for you because it hasn't for me 😥

@Katie oh no!! This is sincerely what I fear when we do have it :( he’s so bad using stress as a crutch. Like mf I could smoke a whole g rn 😭 really does feel and seem unfair and I am so sorry about your situation. I told my bf that after he smokes he is not aloud to touch the baby unless he showers and he must smoke out of our apartment. Who knows what will happen tho cause my trust in his capabilities are low.

You need to put your foot down. Have a serious conversation with him. I strongly recommend couples therapy. If he doesn’t want to improve then you’re going to have to make a decision if you want to put up with this for the rest of your life (as he’s your baby’s dad) or not. It’s extremely disrespectful (and infuriating for me at least) that he lies, and “apologizes” without meaning it. My ex was like this and no matter how many times I had a serious conversation with him, he always would lie and say he’d do better but he never meant it (in fact things got way worse over time). I made my decision and honestly it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. -single mama living her best life!