in January 2024 Babies 🇺🇸

Mother in law problems.

My MIL lives in a different state and looks like she will be moving back here and she will be living with us. I really don’t want her too I told my husband I don’t want her living with us. She use to live here before she moved out of state. (Before I met my husband) My husband took the house over and we remodeled it and lived her now for 10 years. He grew up in this house. I don’t mind her staying her until she finds a place but I don’t know if that’s her plan. My husband won’t ask her any questions. She just feels entitled to this house. She wants my husband to sell it and she wants some of the money but we don’t have any plan on doing that. She’s been pressuring him for a while. We spent a lot of money remodeling the home and making it our own. It’s a completely different lay out so it looks nothing like the old house. I’m a stay at home mom so I’m just afraid it will change our vibe and routine. When my husband comes home from work I have dinner ready. And I just feel weird having someone else around. Cooking for them too?? And my mom is the only person that allow to babysit. So idk how that’s going to work because she will be here. I still want my mom to babysit. Needed somewhere to vent

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. My MIL opened her home to us in the beginning of having our son and I didn’t love it. I had to start each day with a positive attitude. Sometimes I’d try to get out of the house just to have some alone time with me and my son. You’ve got this. Try your best to be open and honest with your husband in the most respectful way you can. I just wanted to chime in to tell you it’s all gonna be okay

I understand what you feel, my MIL lives in a different state but she comes and stays for weeks then leaves for a couple days and comes back for another couple weeks and it’s like that every single month (she is in my house 90% of the time) . She is helpful but the situation is suffocating me, I don’t have privacy at all and she has to comment about everything. Had so many fights with my husband about it but sees the situation normal and just tells me to be thankful that she helps us (I have no family in this country) I feel watched by her so I just choose to stay in my room with my kid but she comes anyway

It seems your husband isn’t great at setting boundaries, mine wasn’t either in the beginning of our marriage but has become a lot better. You have a right to know what your MIL’s plans are whether that’s to stay momentarily or indefinitely, it’s not fair on you to not know what your living arrangements will be. I would go absolutely crazy if my MIL just started living here with no end in sight. When you and your husband moved in and she left did she sell the house to your husband? Even if you did do a lot of remodeling if she is still technically the owner she would definitely be entitled to some of the money if you did sell and then i could see why she feels a little entitled to the home in general. Not sure if I’m understanding that situation correctly. Overall I’m really sorry, MILs are stressful and they’re typically hard to set boundaries with. I hope this is just temporary for you guys and things get back to normal soon.

@Samantha this house was set up as a 2 family house. My husband lived upstairs with his parents downstairs was his grandparents. The house was his grandparents house. His father and grandma died and his mom moved to another state and he ended up buying the house from his grandfather. He also passed away a few years ago. His mom moved before we met. My husband purchased the house after we met and we moved in together. We completely renovated it to a one family house now. It’s not a big home so we didn’t want to share it with anyone. It’s also a really old home. I did speak to him about getting more details. I’m hoping he does. I don’t mind her staying here until she finds a place. I think he feels bad that she’s “alone.” But I also don’t think it’s fair to mess up our lives and our routine. It’s going to be a big adjustment. She doesn’t speak to his brother and she doesn’t speak to her sister who she was living with and that’s why she’s moving back.

He just says please don’t leave me when I spoke to him about how I really felt. Our house isn’t big so her room will be right next to ours. Sharing a bathroom. It’s just not ideal at all and it’s stressing me out.

Oh that makes a lot more sense now. I would just reiterate to your husband that he just has to maintain control of the situation, he has to develop a plan with his mom on a reasonable timeline to find a place of her own and he has to be the one to set clear boundaries with her (it should not be put on you). This is ALL on him not you. You both need to communicate on what is the longest you think you can handle her living there that way your husband can assist his mom to stick to a reasonable timeline. My MIL lived with my husband and i too in our CONDO (not even a house) so i understand needing space when you already don’t have much. And she had a hard time following our boundaries. She lived with us for about 10 months, i couldn’t handle another minute of it.