Idk what I want from this.. support maybe? TW: talks of DV and abortion

I was in an abusive relationship with my ex in 2021 (I was 18) and I fell pregnant with his baby. I originally wanted to keep the baby, I was highly against abortions and I really wanted this to work out and be a family. I had really bad sickness, and no support whatsoever. My ex told me time and time again he’d change and step up to be a dad, however it was clear he wouldn’t. He then went on to tell me I’m a ‘baby killer’ and that I would be a ‘bad mum anyways’. I had a surgical abortion at 16 weeks pregnant on 15th December 2021 with NO support other than my mum. This has had an effect on my mental state MASSIVELY. I went more or less off the rails and had to have counselling. In 2022 (I was 19) I met my current boyfriend who I love dearly. I fell pregnant fast and this time I kept the baby however the guilt was unreal. My son was born, and I have never loved anything more. In 2024, I had my baby girl with my current boyfriend again and it truly feels like our family is complete. Me and my boyfriend have had some really rocky times, I feel like our relationship isn’t how it was before. There are good times and some really bad times. My brother who is 19 was also diagnosed with leukaemia so life’s not been easy on me these past few years. Today, my abusive ex has posted with his girlfriend that she’s pregnant. I had blocked my ex due to the past police case I had against him for harassment, abuse and stalking. However my friend decided to show me this post of them expecting a baby. The new girlfriend doesn’t know that I was pregnant with his child, we know this as she posted a tiktok with the caption ‘may not be his first gf but im the first person to make him a dad’. It felt like a kick in the stomach. I just feel upset because that was meant to be me, that’s all I wanted in 2021. For him to step up and stop hurting me but yet he couldn’t… and I know maybe he could be doing that to her too… I’m in NO way saying I want to be back with him! I just wonder if he’s forgotten about our little baby that gained their wings. I wonder if he thinks of our baby. It’s created a massive trauma for me but why hasn’t it for him?! I’m also worried I’m going to go off the rails again. Please don’t slate me, I’m just looking for some support I guess or someone to listen and maybe understand?