My husband acting completely different

My husband treated me like an angel during my first pregnancy 3years ago, he was so aware and did everything possible to make me avoid ppd even though we didn’t live together then. I’m almost due with my second, we are in a much better situation financially, we have a home and good jobs but his behaviour towards me this time is completely different. Today he has told me I am over reacting with going to the hospital for the second time for reduced movement (first time was 7weeks ago). I cried for the first time in front of him today and he told me to stop talking to him with emotions and asked what I expected him to do about my tears after calling them fake. This conversation was triggered after I asked why he didn’t check up on me while I was in hospital for reduced movement. He regularly shouts at me when he is upset and today he left for 2-3hours and came back like nothing happened and when I asked where he went, he says I am nosey and I need to mind my business. Says if I’m not gona give him peace of mind then he will just do what he needs to do. I don’t know why I’m writing this here but sometimes I feel gaslit and I tell myself, I just need to get through the first few months of postpartum and I will ask him to leave but then he acts right again and it’s a whole cycle.

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When a guy suddenly changes, there’s usually something going on. It could be that he’s cheating, or he might be going through something like depression or stress and just not talking about it. Either way, it’s a red flag when the vibe shifts for no clear reason. Have you tried bringing it up with him? Like, just having an honest conversation about how you’re feeling and what you’ve noticed? Sometimes people shut down when they’re dealing with stuff, but you shouldn’t be left guessing.You deserve to know what’s really going on.

@Astley this is what I tried to do today. Have a conversation. I asked him to come upstairs and he did and sat in front of me, barely letting me talk, justifying all his Actions, blames me for not relaxing while pregnant yet does nothing to relieve me from the stress. Then calls my tears fake when I started crying because he said I was over reacting by going to the hospital for reduced movement.

He's a narcissist. He's showing his true colours. Him showering you with love in your first pregnancy was all an act, it wasn't genuine. He probably feels like you won't leave him now there's 2 kids and you're trapped or vulnerable enough he doesn't have to pretend nice any more.

Eww no babe we leave guys who don’t treat us well when we’re literally creating life for them, if you’re doing good financially then either get your own place and a lawyer or kick him out and tell him a lawyer will help get things sorted , you don’t deserve this no matter the reason whether it’s cheating or narcissistic behaviors Being on your own is scary at first but imagining your kids idea of love living with an emotionally manipulative father is scarier

If you plan on leaving though my biggest advice is to move in silence , don’t let him know about the divorce papers until they’re in his hands and definitely don’t let him know if you’re getting your own apartment until everything is in your new place or you have the keys and someone to help move it to a new place

This is EXACTLY what my ex did and he was cheating! And my ex is a narcissist(paid professionals opinion as well as mine). He always said "save your crocodile tears for someone who will fall for your emotional crap". Sorry reading this post took me right back to when I was with him. Don't wait... just leave...I am speaking from experience... the cycle will just keep happening. You'll think "ok things are going to be different" and "oh he was just angry he didn't mean all those hurtful things he said". Break the cycle and leave for you and your kids. Please don't waste as much time as I did(we were together for 17 years and 5 of those years were this weird limbo like we were together but weren't) nothing changed he would tell me they would and it would be good for a week sometimes even a month, then the same awful person would come back out.

@Natasha oh my God, he used the exact same words “crocodile tears” which is so crazy as I have never been able to cry in front of him before now.

@Ella sometimes I think this too, because it’s like day and night the way he treated me then and now. I got pregnant with our first 2months in so he must have felt like I could leave, we weren’t married then and didn’t leave together either. Now I cannot even get him to feel baby movements, he says I should stop disturbing the baby when I ask him to touch my stomach

@Jessica thankfully, I own my home alone (bought before we got married) we haven’t been married long enough for him to claim anything. I just feel bad as he has no family here and no where to go. I’m also due in a couple weeks. This is all so much for me mentally. I’m terrified of ppd.

Imagine how much worse your PPD could be with him belittling you and leaving everything on you to deal with , and his living arrangements after he’s been so mean to you and causing you so much distress and y’all’s child so much distress is not your problem honestly even though it won’t feel great

I know it’s a lot but please don’t just jump to conclusions or tag your husband a narcissist or red flag. He’s literally your husband and the father of your children. That doesn’t help you or anyone period. Give him space, as difficult as it might be. Do what you need to do or can do by yourself for now. Don’t get triggered and when you find an avenue. Ask him if he’s okay. Men go through A LOT of emotions and as terrible as it is, they take it out on the person closest to them which for him is you. Try everything possible before jumping straight to leaving. He’s a husband not a bf or a friend and if he was amazing with your first pregnancy evidently something has triggered this behaviour. Sorry you’re going through this and I hope it gets better 🩵

@Olivia I am truly trying to give him grace. This relationship (4years+ now) has changed me so much. I am no longer confrontational and I try my best to look inwards and try and better myself but I find that I am starting to short down. Our whole marriage and living together has pretty much been me pregnant (from miscarriage to getting pregnant again) so I’m not sure if my emotions (crying alone in the middle of the night and being so affected by his actions) is mainly due to hormones. It’s so hard because he can literally be perfect one moment and the next he is telling me he doesn’t care and acting so suspicious.

Men can sometimes say the most horrible things, I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. Maybe see if your doctors/midwives can refer you to maybe someone to speak to? Some usually have mh specialists who can work through your emotions with you xx

@Olivia thank you, it happened June last year, I have thankfully had some therapy through the nhs and it helped so much. Unfortunately, I think I need therapy again for my mental health dealing with all of this.