in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Is this controlling ?

My whole relationship with my husband I’ve always been very antisocial, when I first met him I was very insecure about my body/looks . He helped me to love myself . Up until about two months ago we would go to pool halls , karaoke bars ect . Towards the end he would try to tell me what to wear without telling me if that makes sense . Also during his lunch break he would go across the street to this bar grill and eat lunch & drink a beer. I have no issues with it. My friend invited me to a pool hall which he said he was okay with it but later on said I have to business as a married woman in a place like that. We fought the whole time I was there . Later that night he told me he doesn’t want me in any facility that involves a bar . I brought up how he goes to the bar with his coworker & said he won’t go anymore . My friend invited me for a girls night for her birthday but I told her about him not wanting me in a setting like that . She asked if her changing the location would help ease his mind . I asked him and he said he would think about it. Days go by I asked him again and he said him not responding should have been obvious to me the answer was no. He later called me and said he doesn’t want me to feel like I’m trapped so I can go . The day of he started a fight with me again saying my friend doesn’t respect my marriage and neither do I because I’m still going. I called it off and told her I wasn’t going. I went to lunch with a best friend and he told me the lunch should last more than two hours mind you my mom was watching the kids and he was at work . If you’ve read this far thank you and please tell me I’m not crazy.

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You’re not crazy girl. That’s insecure & controlling behavior. He clearly doesn’t trust you for whatever reason.. whether it’s because he’s emotionally or physically stepping out or he’s scared you’ll find better. I’m not in your relationship but to me it just seems like suspicious behavior. You are your own person that has come into a union with another person (him). He should not tell you what to do or wear and vice versa. He should trust you enough to let you still have a life outside of him. There’s a deeper issue at hand but this is all I can say from the info I have. Hope this helps!

The more u allow that shit the worse it will get. Stand ur ground wth. You're a grown woman. He doesn't own you because you're married and if he's insecure then u doing whatever he wants will never help him get over the insecurities. This is absolutely controlling. Don't spend the rest of your life like this.

I say it depends.. men know men and men know how men think. If you’re wearing something that’s so shows an excessive amount of skin or something that looks like it should be worn in the bedroom, he has a right to make a comment because it could bring the wrong kind of attention (you’re a mom and a wife). Me personally, I don’t do bars/clubs anymore; 1. because I’m a mom and wife. 2. I feel like I’m too old for that now. There are more age appropriate things we could do. But… Him not responding is childish, we’re adults, just tell me no if you don’t want me to go. Starting a fight just because (if that’s how it happened, we only have the info from your side) is childish. I don’t necessarily think either of you is wrong, but it definitely sounds like yall need to have a very detailed conversation…

Omg girl. Embrace your body. Show off what you want. Don't be ashamed and don't let being a mom or a wife keep you from being a proud woman.

For instance I don’t wear shorts up my butt or dresses I wear leggings with a cute top that shows some cleavage. Im 29 he’s 38 turning 39 . I have caught him emotionally cheating a few times. That’s why it irritates me that he doesn’t trust me when he’s the one that shouldn’t be trusted. I’ve never stepped out he’s begged me not to leave him up until last year he finally stopped his bs with other women but I just think he’s hiding it better but I’m not too sure. He claims he’s 100 percent faithful.

He needs therapy pronto! The controlling, manipulative, gas lighting gives me the ick! Please do not allow him to belittle you any longer! You are your own person, you have free will, you will not be controlled by him any longer!

The age difference makes sense honestly and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Like I said before, he just may not want you to be receiving a certain type of attention. But the additional information about him not being completely faithful also makes a difference as well. Trust me though, I was the same way wanting to still wear extremely short dresses, cleavage showing, crop tops UNTIL me and my man had a conversation about it and he told me his perspective as a man AND I became a mom. No it’s not controlling. You are in a relationship/marriage/partnership. It’s not about one person getting their way; it’s about it compromise and working it out. You need to have a proper conversation about the differences you both have. For example my man likes seeing me in long, looser, or flowing type dresses/skirts. I’m super skinny and loose stuff doesn’t look good on me so I’ll wear something that has a fitted torso (no cleavage) but flowy bottom.

But as a mom I just don’t see things as appropriate and that’s my personal opinion. When I see certain things, yes I think it’s cute, but then I step back and think, “what if my daughter wanted to wear this?” And I also look back at how my mom dressed while i was growing up. It’s ultimately up to you atp. If you want the relationship to work out yall need to work together and work on yourselves. If not, then keep doing what yall are doing