How to resolve intimacy issues?

My husband I have been married for almost 5 years with 2 little ones. We got pregnant within a few months after we got married due to my age and family history of early menopause. Our sex life before marriage was amazing. The intimacy was so strong and we were so connected. After marriage we started the process of trying to conceive, so sex sometimes felt like a chore. I had also started a new job and we had moved to a new house. I turned him down for sex sometimes bc I was exhausted with so many changes and adjustments in our life. We also had another problem- my husband decided he needed anal sex, even though I had told him shortly after we met that anal was a hard limit for me. He told me that he thought he could live without it at the time, but "changed his mind" and realized he needs it. I had anal sex with him multiple times bc "you don't know that you won't like it until you try it". It took a lot of effort for me to get to the point of doing it (out of fear of our marriage falling apart). I decided after the 5th time I definitively don't like it and I refuse to do it again. Basically I am at the point where I have no confidence in myself sexually. Any sex we've had in the past yr I've initiated. I told him it bothers me that he never initiates and he basically told me that he's disinterested in sex with me bc "it's not fun", "there's too many no's", and it's not worth the effort to him. He said he won't turn me down if I initiate but he "doesn't have the stomach" to initiate himself. I feel like a failure and completely unwanted by my husband. I'm not sure how to move forward from here. I'm open to any thoughts or guidance.