I am not in love with my husband anymore, I decided to break it off however we are back again at trying this relationship, but I am not feeling it, and I feel like an awful person.

You can’t force yourself to fall back in love with him but sometimes there could be things affecting why you lost it. Couples therapy is great if you haven’t tried it and usually a last resort at saving a relationship.

@Shannon we have tried therapy, this is not the first time we have gone through this and I feel I should have just stayed the way it was before, however I felt that I missed him and my kids telling me that they love our family etc, got to my head so I wanted to give it another try to see if things will be different. I guess it is too early to say but I feel terrible… 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

I feel like if he's not fighting to keep you & if its hard for you to fight to keep him, then maybe it might be time to end it. Honestly my husband & I have struggled together probably more than we have thrived together. The difference with us is that we know we still love each other & we both are willing to work really hard to thrive & find each other again. We were so disconnected & we both made so many mistakes. We never went to therapy. My husband doesn't believe in it. What clicked for us was both of us reaching total rock bottom & both of us choosing to change & be there for each other. The biggest things that helped were total honesty & being open to each other, not holding anything back & communication. We also made alone time a priority. Since having kids, we never spent time together, literally no dates or planned alone time. Now we try to get someone to watch the kids over night or over a weekend a few times a month. 100% you cant fall in love again with kids around all the time and no alone time.

I’m sorry :( sometimes people just fall apart and it’s hard when you’ve got a family. Make the decision that’s best for you, yes your kids are important but they aren’t in the relationship with him and you deserve to be happy. They will struggle but they will cope eventually if you both co parent positively x

And you are not an awful person. You tried, and that's all that matters. I wouldn't have felt right ending my marriage if I didn't try absolutely everything first.

Have you and your kids seen the Netflix movie Spellbound from last year? We watched it as a family on Thanksgiving day without knowing what it was about. I was crying so much cause its about parents splitting up and everyone still living happily ever after. I cried so much cause I didn't want that to be our families reality, but sometimes its whats best for families. Of course my kids 1 yr and 7 yrs at the time didn't understand the movie how I did.

@Dana he is trying and I thought I was, but I feel I made a bad choice to get back together… Not sure how to put those feelings aside and try my hardest but ughhh 🥺🥺🥺🥺 it is so painful, I guess you are right, however it is kind of hard, Since I have been married to my husband, he has had complicated work hours, I would only see him 2 hours a day and the weekends from Saturday afternoon till Monday afternoon, however Monday I never count it as I work so yeah. It was always me and the kids.. We got separated for many other reasons but we got back at trying things again,but I know he wants to put me first but I know he likes the hours he works and the money he gets from it. I feel selfish asking him to find something else so he can spend more time with us. And when he is with us, like I feel I need to drop everything to be with him, if I want to meet my friends I feel guilt because I barely see him, Idk, I think I need to be honest again and let’s see what happens…

Some of your situation feels familiar and some doesn't. My husband doesn't have work hours that are that different and I don't work. He works the usual Monday to Friday and on a good day is home by 6:30/7 pm. But the problem is that he used to by choice stay at work late hanging out or working late, sometimes untill 10 pm or later. Actually some of the late nights were untill 12 or 1 and he told me he was cheating instead of working late like I thought. But he has made the choice for our relationship and our family to come home on time every night now and take days off just because to be with us. I know making money is important, but I feel like he's not really trying if he's not willing to prioritize time with family and you and change his work schedule.

But then also is sounds like maybe you don't feel like prioritizing time with him either? I happily would drop anything to spend time with my husband, and I do put things aside often when he asks me to. I literally have zero friends haha like since I met him, my life has been 100% him and our kids. So I don't feel a need or desire to hang out with other people. I mean maybe a little cause I am on peanut to meet new people and try to socialize lol. But it does sound like you both have trouble seeing each other as a priority. And that's OK, that just might mean its over. If its going to work you both have to be happy to make sacrifices that will make it work. Always be honest. You cant just pretend that trying is working when its not.

@Dana thank you 🙏, I actually asked him if he could talk to his both about changing working hours, he said, his check will have less money in it and he does not want that to happen. I told him the only way is maybe apply to another company that can meet all his work criteria, his response was, to buy a new house we need my salary to show we can pay the new house. Sooo it does make sense what he says however I have been waiting for all these changes to happen for a QUIET some time now (years), and I am not patient anymore. We have money saved but he is always skeptical about buying the new house or changing jobs or changing a slide of his life. I need someone that can prioritize me, after hearing all these denials again, my brain automatically starting feeling that perhaps he wants what I want but at his time and not mine, I have waited for so long that I don’t feel like waiting again.

@Dana and yes, I got to a point that I did not want to spend time with him, as I got used to do everything by myself, I wanted to be single and free again, not the pressure of having someone to get upset at me. And I just shared again with him that, we both need to do changes in our lives in order to be a couple again, so not sure when all these changes will happen, but waiting for another couple of years, not sure if I will want to do it all over again.

Give it some time and focus on the good.

The way you are feeling is like how my husband felt with me. He was asking me for over 10+ years to make reasonable changes & show up for him in ways that I just didn't. He was done waiting & felt so negleted in so many ways. It actually took him cheating for everything to click for me & make all the changes & consider him & his feelings more. Im most definitely not saying that cheating is a solution, but its kind of something that woke both of us up & got us both to get our shit together for eachother. Like I said we only got better cause we both hit absolute rock bottom, but still had the love there. Money is tough, cause I understand wanting to have enough & feeling financially secure & making sure your kids have what they need. It is important, but its not everything. We bought the bigger house and now we are drowning in money issues, we miss our old house, and the bigger house didnt make our life better. I would trade more time with my family & having savings & a smaller house over this any day.

Many elders who end up having long term successful marriages admit to having moments/ seasons where the love was lost. It’s a marriage. You’re doing life with someone. Things change. Time is something you both committed to having together forever. Do what you end up choosing but being married because someone chose to do forever with you is something amazing to continue to hold onto. The season very well may change just given time and growth on both ends