What would you do?

Long story short (hopefully), my husband and I have been together for 6 years. In the very early days of our relationship, he deleted a girl off instagram because she “sent him inappropriate messages/reactions”. In 2022, I started feeling suss on him, I noticed he turned his Snapchat notifications off and that he never left his phone alone. One night, I managed to get two minutes with his phone, and I checked his Snapchat to see that one of his best friends was the same name as the girl he deleted off instagram years prior. I confronted him, he told me it was someone he works with and we got into an argument over me not trusting him. I took his word, let it go and moved on. Fast forward to Feb this year, this girls profile pops up in my own Snapchat suggestions. I click it and see she has a public story, showing her face, obvious that it is in fact the girl I thought it was all along. I also check instagram and they’re following each other again. Again, I confronted him, he told me “how do I expect him to remember something from 3 years ago” and “I had heaps of people on there back then” and another argument ensued. Recently, while I’m at almost breaking point due to other conflict management issues we have. I brought this up again and said I wanted answers. He told me he had refollowed her years ago, that there was never anything sexual sent, that I stopped giving him compliments and such years ago, and she would say things that made him feel good or comment how cute our daughter is (who’s only 18 months old mind you, so becomes more recent). He then says that it was only reactions to stories she sent. I’m more upset because I was lied to and made out to be crazy, and he hid and deleted things, more so than the issue at hand. He thinks it’s such a minor issue and he’s done so much good since then that I’m willing to “throw it all away for”. How would you react in these circumstances? Sorry for the long post, if you’re still reading, thank you. X

Show your support

He’s got a pattern and the thing is this isn’t going to be able to leave your mind easy. Don’t let him deflect and use the “this was years ago”. My partner lied to me at the beginning of our relationship I chose to try to move forward but because it was about a similar incident to yours(he was snapping “a work friend” even though he claimed originally he didn’t have any work friends and he wouldn’t open her snaps in front of me or snap her back etc. We did get through it and he knows not to lie to me now because he knows I will leave. This one lie caused so much stress and hassle and truly I believe if it’s something you need to lie about it’s bad. I chose to forgive and move on but the moment he does anything like that again I’m gone. All for second chances in most cases but push it past that and it’s disrespectful. I’m sorry he lied to you, it’s disgusting the fact he decided to go back in contact with that person. Especially because he knows you’re not comfortable with it and he

Said she was sexual towards him. Perhaps you ask he doesn’t stay in contact with her if you’re looking to stay with him. I’m not going to tell you to leave because it’s easier said than done and also because it’s not my choice it’s yours. All I can say is he has to be willing to make changes, maybe go to therapy. But his behaviour isn’t normal and I’d be so angry right now with what he has done. Hopefully you can find some peace

I think you both need to work on communication. Talk more. Talk about what you're both thinking and feeling. Open honest vulnerable conversations and start working on your relationship. Start dating again, make things interesting again and give those compliments, make that effort (both of you) to dress up and do stuff together again without your daughter. The romance seems to go out the window after kids for most couples so effort needs to be made to ensure that the romance is kept alive. He needs to be more honest and delete this girl and focus on your relationshipinstead of tryi g to get what he's missing elsewhere. the grass will always be greener where you water it.

I’m sorry you don’t feel safe in your relationship. It’s certainly a yucky feeling