AITA?

BIL has had a new girlfriend for a few months now and the family seems to love and trust her as she’s watched SILs kids. I don’t go round often since the baby because it’s a hassle and they’re all pretty far so I hadn’t met her yet besides, there has been tension with my husband’s family since I gave birth. Last weekend I finally met her and everything was great until she asked to hold my baby to which I said no. Everyone was shocked at my response but I literally just met that woman and I’m not handing my baby to a stranger!? Am I wrong? My husband knew her already (he goes there often) and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t let her hold my baby.

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you were there so why wouldn't you?

@Sonia like I said I had just met her. There haven’t been many people that have held my baby and I want to keep it that way

You are correct if you feel like not letting someone hold your baby then don’t. A lot of people don’t speek about it maybe after a few times of meeting I would say yes but the first time no.

I’ve said no to my own in-laws (like the grandparents). You’re the mama. It’s your choice.

I'll never understand the expectation of babies being treated like pass the parcel. My little man is 3 weeks old, & not many people have had cuddles yet, he literally doesn't have much of an immune system, & tbh I just don't want everyone smothering over him 😭 there really isn't any need

Sorry you are going to look like the a-hole in these social situations but you can just say I’m trying to limit baby’s exposure the germs or even the truth sorry but I just met you. It’s a crazy social norm that people think they are just entitled to hold someone else’s kids. My in laws wonder why my son doesn’t want to see them when they tickle him and try to pick him up right away without letting him warm up. My fam will just sit near by him and talk to him and show him cars so of course he feels more comfortable. Children have feelings too but I’d rather hurt an adults feelings then have my son uncomfortable

I personally wouldn't make a fuss about it as long as I would be there. Like standing or sitting next to the person. But I would instruct them to wash their hands ask if they held a baby before made sure they do not shake or make fast shaky moves... Or just simply communiate on why not. Just a rude no can be quite shocking IMO.

@Amanda I feel this! My MIL always wants to hold him right away and he cries immediately because he doesn’t know her. My mom takes the time to talk to him and let him warm up to her.

Not the Ahole. I wish I had your guts when my baby was younger…good job mama!

Doesn’t matter. Their reaction is dumb cuz your baby is your baby. End of discussion

I think sometimes, especially if you've just met someone, them asking to hold your baby can be a bit much....not rude exactly but I feel the polite thing to do would be to wait for you to offer. And if you didn't, then they don't get a hold. Babies are not toys to be passed around

@Rosie agreed. I was surprised she’d even ask after we’d just met

To me, you were in the right in certain aspects and wrong the other aspects. You were completely with telling her no, but if she was there and you were watching her, let alone she wanted to see her grandchild from his side of the family. Again, if you're there, you can direct her. Again, as for the no, you are being protective, and you care for your child so much they don't understand that. The majority of us were like that at one point or another. So they should help make you feel comfortable.