Doula Support, Is it worth it?

I’m 36 weeks and expecting my third. My insurance recently started providing doula coverage, and the search isn’t really going well. Majority of the Doula’s that are within their network live about two hours away, and all of my labor and deliveries have been precipitous. After discussing this with my OBGYN, it’s very likely that I will have another precipitous labor with fetal ejection reflex. It seems very unlikely that any of these doula’s would be able to be present or offer assistance during my birth, and many of them desire virtual visits due to the distance. Personally, I see no value in having a virtual doula, and I have no desire to pay for a doula that’s not willing to meet in person. The one doula that was assigned to me didn’t have information or resources that would be helpful to anyone except a first time parent. My first time meeting her virtually, felt like nothing more than a general meet and greet consultation. Turns out the doula’s in this network will charge you for meeting them, and that counts towards your limited sessions even if they haven’t rendered any services or provided any kind of prenatal or postpartum care. Upon realizing this, I just don’t see the value in utilizing a doula through my insurance. I feel like I wouldn’t actually be able to feel the benefits of utilizing a doula when they’re not able to provide information beyond the basics or willing to offer support in person. One of the doulas asked me if I knew how to thaw and prepare frozen breast milk. When I told her I did, she demanded I explain the process. After I explained how to thaw breast milk in a container of cool water and then transfer it to heat in a heat safe container of warm water or bottle warmer. She told me I couldn’t do that otherwise I would destroy the nutrients. When I asked her how exactly would I be doing that? She told me I couldn’t put breast milk in the microwave. I never ever mentioned heating or thawing any breast milk in the microwave. She said that’s what she assumed I meant because that’s how she was taught growing up. It was in that moment that I realized we weren’t a good fit and there wasn’t much advice I would be able to receive. She also had absolutely no knowledge of the topics I wanted to explore and utilize during postpartum like bengkung belly binding or cloth diapering. So I think it’s best that I just move forward without using a doula.

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felt this.. my doctors office partnered with this company that came with free doulas and i personally couldn’t get on board with mine. i was in two pregnancy classes one was led by my OB and both classes gave the same information so when meeting with her i didn’t have too many questions and when i did especially since being so close to my due date i asked her “how do i know i’m having a contractions? what do they feel like” since i’m a first time mom and people kept telling me “you’ll know when you’re having contractions” or that they feel like period cramps but i don’t really have periods cramps like that plus my cramps are in my back. when i asked my doula she literally told me i don’t need to worry about that right now🙃 i was 36 or 37 weeks at the time and baby boy could come anytime she said the same thing with i asked her about what to pack in my hospital and how to avoid possible tearing.. meanwhile my OB and the pregnancy class told me otherwise and gave me advice

i eventually stopped attending our virtual meetings cause it was pointless

@jasmine That’s exactly how I felt about this search for a Doula. Completely redundant and pointless. I went into this experience with a completely open mind. I was hoping to meet a plethora of women who were seeking to provide knowledge based on their skills acquired from their doula/midwife training. But it’s been made apparent that most of the doulas that are provided by the insurance companies are only seeking this line of work due to the financial gain. Although I do believe that there are many who truly do have a calling for this line of work. I don’t believe the ones that are providing free services through the insurance companies are. I also believe that the insurance companies don’t actually care about proving quality care of suitable matches. They’ll just assign you to a doula, and your insurance will be charged for a consultation even if no services are rendered.

@jasmine Honestly I felt extremely patronized by the Doula that I initially found and felt incredibly pressured by her once we met for consultation. During that consultation I made it very clear what I was looking for and explained that I’m about to have my third. But they offered nothing more than basic information. It was also extremely apparent that she was mostly interested in providing virtual support and assistance. I just didn’t see the value in paying for a virtual doula with limited understanding or knowledge about postpartum care. I was also extremely turned off by the Doula telling me that she use to be a party girl, and wasn’t interested in being a doula until her friend had started to do it. So it became apparent that she was doing this to further fund her lifestyle. Which is totally fine for some, but it just further solidified that we were incompatible.

i think that’s what irritated me the most only being given basic information when i knew the basics since i’ve cared for kids since birth for pretty much majority of my life and i wanted something new to know or support but didn’t feel support even after letting her know how much my anxiety affects my questioning on everything and how much i want to be prepared for every scenerio

@jasmine I share your sentiments a thousand and ten percent. It would have been helpful for us to get alternative methods for postpartum care and support. A lot of what I see in the media or online just doesn’t compare to actual tools that are given by some of these advocates.

So I hired a doula for my birth and for post-partum support, specifically overnight care for the baby. Put simply, having a doula at the birth was not helpful whatsoever. I regret this and will not be doing this in the future. However, having a doula take care of the baby overnight for the first six weeks so my husband and I could get a solid six hours of sleep…absolutely recommend. Anytime the baby needed to be fed she would bring the baby to my room to nurse and then she would take him back to burp, change, and rock him. We’ll be doing overnight support again for our next baby.

@Jenn Thank you for confirming what I had been suspecting. There really isn’t much value in having a doula during labor and delivery, especially if the intention is to give birth at the hospital. However, I think it’s a great idea to have a postpartum Doula overnight. Unfortunately I know the doula’s that I’m being paired with through my insurance mostly desire to offer “virtual” support, rather than come in person. But I think I would consider looking into having a confinement nanny. It’s very similar to an overnight postpartum doula and mostly used in Asian cultures, I think specifically family’s who are Chinese. I’m currently expecting my third, and I managed to convince my uncle to come for the first few days before and after I get out the hospital. He’s a fun uncle, so I figure he can keep the toddlers fairly entertained and distracted while I’m gone. Realistically I know I’m going to be on my own, especially during the night because my husband has to work.

@Jenn If I’m completely honest, I really enjoy the night shift when my children are newborns. Although I’m exhausted and completely out of my mind. I feel a strange sense of peace. I feel like we’re in the bubble where no one can touch us and we’re the only two people in the whole world. For a few hours in the night, it’s just me and them. I can’t really describe it, but it feels so magical, and I cherish that quiet time especially now that I have older children.

It’s up to you Sounds like you don’t want one so don’t have one I “had one” but she actually made everything worse and contributed to my depression and birth trauma I wish I never had her

@Nini I honestly don’t think I want one anymore. I was really excited and looking forward to the possibility of having the experience of having a doula. But the doula’s being provided by my insurance are completely out of touch. It really solidified my decision to just focus on what’s always worked for my previous deliveries.

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