Broke husband's 💔 because I ask MIL to not contact me.

I never had a good relationship with her. Always critiquing. There was no actual substance to our interactions. Hubs has had to basically beg her to see the kids (3mo,1.5yr,and 3.5yrs). She has prioritized her other grandkids and highly favored them over mine (not a concern of mine that hers buisness, but just painting a picture). She's the type that will play victim or to act broke so others will pay for her. She spent over 130,000 on gambling in one year, and made herself homeless. We thought she was going to buy a new house in the city we lived in. We sold our house and gave her the difference to buy her own.. spent over 20,000 in pull tabs... we had our own debts we could have paid off with that and not be struggling now. She refused to apply for housing, told us she did. Was kicked out of her rental (even had 6mo notice) and spoiled things with her friends. My husband wasn't going to let her go homeless. So she moved in, with an unpotty trained puppy, that she was advised not to get because of her living situation. This dog pooped all over my house, she didn't tell us or watch the damn animal or clean it up. My babies would be found playing in the poop first thing cause it would sneak down in the middle of the night to do so. It would bark and whine constantly. Never followed rules (no dogs in the kitchen, no begging). She kept the damn thing on a leash and constantly had to play tug of war with the 3 yr old over it. She (MIL) would stand in Central narrow pathways (I'd have to squeeze past (6-9mo pregnant) and try not to trip on the dog or the leash that she couldn't have the decency to pull to the side or even move over- she would literally watch me, struggle to manage my babies and work full time from home and I had to keep my head on a swivel from her and her damn dog too, keep it safe from my babies and my babies safe from it. She would leave poop covered napkins on my desk. She would let my babies past the baby gate on purpose and leave the house with them loose in the kitchen and able to go up the steep stairs. She would act like a tattle tale when they were age appropriately playing (like wanting them to be in trouble with me) She would make my smart 3yo empty promises that would hurt his feelings when she didn't keep them. She would call my little man a bad boy and deny it when confronted. She never not lied about things. She was constantly on the phone with people- next to my desk when I was trying to work or in meetings. There is so much more! She was the worst. She finally just left a month ago. I found out this weekend she's been telling people atrocious lies about me. She hasn't said anything to me since she left. She called today and I decided to ignore and send a follow up text of "do not contact me" giving her more would provoke her to share more about my life to anyone who would listen. Not doing it would betray myself. My hubs is heart broke. We are under stress. I've been layed off last week. It's finals for me (yes I'm doing school, working and momming full time). My hubs just got a new job been there for a week and the place is a shitshow that he has to fix and it's stressful. He was going to write his mom off but later to protect our source and do it in his own time and processing. We agreed to that. I didn't not anticipate her to call me, it's been radio silence and I'm the one that had to baby sit this grown adult that would hand feed my babies moldy food. My winter and last trimester were ruined and stressed to the max due to this women. I went into preterm labor at 34wks because of her. She would literally walk in the house and cause me to contract.. I didn't say she couldn't see the kids or talk to my husband. I tried to explain that to him. I feel like I broke him. I said I'm not so prideful that I couldn't apologize and take it back. So now I'm here. After watching my husband process and tell me he has no family now and I shouldn't have made that choice for him. I can't comprehend why he would think that my no contact would transfer to him. He didn't want to talk about it yet with his mom and I'm the asshole. I feel like the asshole, I honestly didn't think it would hit that hard or that even in this he's choosing me and running with that, instead of managing their relationship on its own with the kids. I mentioned that he didn't need to explain that it was because of what she said- its the first time in a month and she left on horrible terms (my no contact can be chalked to that). I was done when she left and making it clear she wasn't welcome to live here anymore (as she stopped trying to look for housing and spent her free time doing pull tabs when she wasnt being an asshat in my house). I was tired of my children's safety being at risk. I was tired of shit covered things and someone who was incapable of having a conversation without lying or trying to use someone. I don't know what to do. I'm worried I damaged my relationship with my husband for good. Not that it was a deal breaker but that I caused him that grief. I don't even know what I can do. He doesn't even want me to say sorry to her... anyway that's that. Thanks for reading.

Show your support

I will also add on top of this all. I've been in a discovery period of developing latent health conditions that greatly impact the quality of my life that are subject to worsen due to environmental factors, emotional, physical state and what not. It's been challenging to manage my own house and home and then she came in who couldn't even handle her own business.

None of this was or is your fault, you did what you had to do for your family, their physical and mental safety and your own mental health as well. You did good distancing from her. You shouldn't allow her near your children though, she will mentally torture them further and isn't safe for them to be around anyway with her not caring about them hurting themselves on stairs or feeding them mould. She caused her own issues and made her own bed, now she can lay in her own bed and the consequences of what she did. Your husband should have cared more about his family and their safety, than his mother's happiness so that's not your problem.

Damn, she sounds like the worst type of person to live with…. So short you had to go through that. I feel bad for both of you, even though she’s a shitty person that’s still his mom. Raised him, bathed him played with him taught him a lot you know. He seems like a sweetheart and maybe he didn’t want to hurt his mom but also wanted to stand up for u in a way he thought was best. Just explain you’re sorry and u were tryna keep ur cool for him but it already happened. Also I would personally say I’ll apologize to your mom but I need u to explain why I’m upset in a way that makes u feel heard too. Also I need her never to come to ur crib w that shitty ass puppy.

He was right there scolding her, he fought my battles, he just couldn't kick her out and did his best to get her going with paperwork. I also didn't want her homeless, but it felt helpless in that time and we have harsh winters were we live. I could've just completely ignored the call instead of sending a text in response. It made me angry after hearing fresh news that she had the audacity to call me.

Just remember ur gonna be a mil one day God Willing! Try and be understanding that ur husband is tryna protect his mom’s heart same way ur son will one day do the same and feel the same.

This women has also contributed to his extensive abuse, I have to search deep for compassion for her. So it's harder for me to understand him, when he's been talking more harshly about her than I ever have.

This is also coming from someone with equally shitty and abusive parents. We honestly feel isolated together in this but, my actions I'm sure make him feel even more alone and that's where I'm gutted.

Remind your husband that the family he created is far more important than the family he was born into & if he wants to put himself in responsibility for his mom’s feelings, he can go be with his mom. It’s one thing to be respectful of your mom as a man, it’s another to put your mom’s feelings before your spouse or kids’ feelings or what’s best for them.

Btw you didn’t cause him grief. His mother did. If you feel like you’re to blame, then you are reacting to past gaslighting from whoever.

@Katie He just feels like I forced his hand and put something on his plate he wasn't ready to handle with everything else going on. He was going to cut her off after he had made more capacity for the conversation this summer and just ignore her in the meantimw. He's upset because we agreed how to go about it, and I didn't follow that agreement. You're right though, I'm having difficulty not projecting and have had a hard time with identifying gaslighting in the past (mostly because it was just how my life was and I didn't know the difference)

I can understand not having the mental capacity for certain things, but it’s not just his feelings in the mix at this point; it’s your feelings & your kids feelings & sometimes we have to adjust to situations whether we’re ready for it or not.

She should have been gone the moment she put your babies in harms way no if and buts or maybes about it your husband is kinda coward for not making her leave. She was never going to change she will never change she doesn’t want to change that’s on her not you or your husband. I totally get the that’s family but you can only give so much to someone who will take everything from you. Your husband needs to come to terms with the fact she’s not a good person at least not to you and your children. He should be on your side you are his family now you built a life together. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all of this and I truly hope he comes around and sees this isn’t your fault it’s hers for being such a terrible selfish person.

Ok update! So she reached out again to me asking what she ever did. I ignored her. She called my husband and he said "because we heard what you've been saying about us".. she then volunteers more things that she said, thinking that that's what we heard! So we got a larger idea of how shitty she truly is. And we wouldn't have known the extent of the atrocities if I hadn't told her not to contact me. We would have been in the dark. She's a total piece of 💩. He's gone completely no contact with her, after chewing her a new asshole. I'm so upset. Good riddance.

And it's ridiculous to know whole heartedly, that she's already made about 10 phone calls out to anyone who would answer to explain this and hang up to tell the next person.