Need a break
Show your support
He’s just agreed that the first weekend we have them after baby we will have them for only one night instead of 2. We’re amicable/civil however that is usually hit and miss, depending on moods. Just feel like it’s always BM needs that get put first and mine are always thought about last which is super frustrating
I had this problem, I gave birth 3 weeks early. Before that we had decided that we would not have his kids for two weekends, after our son was born so we could bond etc. Well my partner called bm to tell her I’d given birth and show our son and she said their son was crying cause he won’t get to see his dad. So the day after I was discharged he collected his son, who was ill and ended up staying a week and a half until he was better. I spent the whole time looking after them all while recovering, I hated it and still resent my partner and SS for it. He refused to leave the room so when the midwives came to talk about my stitches, mental health etc I had to talk about it all in front of him and was so uncomfortable.
@Rhiannon im so sorry that happened to you 🩷 It’s awful being in this situation. With our first born BM dropped the kids off at our house when baby was 4 days old and I was so unprepared. She’s just messaging my partner now pushing for us to have them this weekend.
Same thing happened to me with my first child, I asked to have a quiet mum and dad couple of days after the birth but was greeted by both my step son and mother in law when I came back from the hospital. It was really traumatic having to juggle those first few days of breastfeed with other people around, plus I got zero help from my partner who spent all the paternity with his other son to make sure he was adapting well to the birth of a new brother (he was 11 at the time). Almost two years down the line and I am still triggered by this and I’ve realised I had been a bigger trauma than I thought it would be. Im currently 30 weeks pregnant and this time around my mum will be home waiting for me and advocating for whats in my best interest in those few days after birth. Be strong and try to do what’s best for you and your mental health. 💪🏼
I think your opinion is justified. You need chance to rest and heal and adapt to being a mum of 2. The BM has been through it twice herself so knows what it is like. She should cut you some slack. Having 4 kids in the house to deal with will be a lot to tackle. The new baby also deserves a calmer environment in the first few weeks. Your partner should understand this and also understand you will need help from him as well when you need it. Your a team at the end of the day. Do you get on with the BM?