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So I'm a month away from having my baby. I was standing in the kitchen, dishing up dinner. My husband & and teenage boy got into an argument. It escalated into them yelling in each other's face. Then my son started hitting & throwing my dishes that were hanging from my ceiling rack literally right behind me. Besides, there being breakable stuff on the top part, the hanging pans almost hit me. I have taken all his electronics for this. I just asked his dad to unground him from his phone a couple of days ago because he had helped me out well & I wanted to give him a chance. (That time his dad had grounded him for failing classes/lying about doing homework/bad behavior in class) I feel really guilty because he pouted himself to bed 2 hours ago and tomorrow is his birthday. But at the same time, the behavior was completely unacceptable, and I will not tolerate it in my house. So honest opinions, please?
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.I’d be so upset, honestly I’d use this time to teach him that his actions have consequences. I would make him earn everything back with good actions for as long as it takes
It sucks but you have to stick to your word. Birthdays or not. I have two teen boys, also expecting albeit only 8 weeks but they know, and if they did this it would be a non negotiable. He knew his birthday was coming, you can’t fold for that. I always try to remember what the core lesson I’m trying to teach is and if it wouldn’t get a pass in society, (ie if he did this at his job one day, with a partner, as a parent, what could be the permanence of the adult consequences) and base it on that. He has to learn to regulate his emotions and weigh the consequences.
I’d be pissed! But at the same time he needs to apologize to you about breaking your stuff and know that it’s your house he just lives in it so he needs to follow your rules. Make he go pull weeds in the yard until dark I promise you he will straighten up real quick!
I would be livid he absolutely deserves punishment and his birthday isn’t an excuse to let him off the hook. What if this was his future girlfriend/wife? The consequences would be much much worse.
He knows you’re pregnant and even if you weren’t that’s absolutely no way to treat your parents and you definitely don’t want the baby learning from this behavior
Def needs punishment but clearly something is going on. Have him write you and your husband a letter about why HE thinks he’s failing, why he’s acting out, why he doesn’t want to do homework and so on. Letters alleviate all the emotions and yelling and arguing and not listening that can come with interacting face to face. I’m not saying his actions are right in anyway but allow him to explain/express himself with essentially no one to comment back. Read it and give it a day for you to fully take it in with your husband and then maybe you can both write him back. Then you guys can talk it out in person when everyone feels heard and uninterrupted. This helped me alot as a teen. No one really wants to argue and no one wants to get to the point of where he ultimately got to. I’m telling you. Have him write it out.
Agreed that you need to stick to your word and keep him grounded. Hopefully you can find a way to help him enjoy his birthday within the terms of his grounding if he is willing. Otherwise it is what it is birthday or not.
So your husband was yelling in a teenagers face and you think it's the teenager with the issue?
Not shitty parenting?
Shocker
It sounds like daddy has passed on his crap habbits to his son and the son gets all the blame for following the foot steps laid out for him.
@Allison it is NOT her house he lives in it is HIS home too. Why do kids disrespect things in the house? Because entitled twits like you make it "yours" and not the families.
She chose to have a child part of that obligation is providing a home that is also theirs.
@Samantha I’m guessing you don’t have a teenager 😩🤣 whew! Bless you. I hope you can keep that same energy when you’re faced with the entitlement, the angst, moodiness, and inexplicable reactions of a teen. We are all winging it and OP is looking for support. You could have scrolled by Judge Judy.
@Samantha, one the teenager, started yelling & cussing in his dad's face first. His dad's "yelling" was telling him to stop doing it. Two, this child is NOT biologically mine, but I've done every damn thing I could to make sure he has what he needs. I AM the reason he has a roof over his head. I bought a house so he could have his own room. ME. I DID that. I have done everything a mother is supposed to do for their child because his own mother couldn't be bothered. Also me & my husband had a few talks about it privately and I let HIM know I was just as mad at him. NO ONE said the kid was getting all the blame. So maybe don't be a judgemental bitch for no reason? I was just asking on advice for how to deal with my son who btw is also bullying people in school, we just found out yesterday, and his dad is no bully. NOT what your opinion on my husband is.
@Samantha Our son has been freaking out on us because we are trying to make him act right & not run wild like he's allowed to at his mother's house because she doesn't care about anything pertaining to him unless it's inconveniencing her party plans.
Thank you to everyone else who gave me advice. His dad was actually the one to cave the next day and give him his stuff back. He said we couldn't do that to him on his birthday. But I think that does diminish the value of the lesson he needs to learn. Especially finding out that he had been bullying a kid an hour straight the day before.