Baby crying with dad

I let him cry with dad until he gets too angry, then I grab him

Depends… not every time because if I’m not around he needs to know how to do it himself

I soothe because I get overstimulated listening to the crying

Let him try first

Fussing, yes. Crying, no. I try and help dad troubleshoot, but if nothing is working pretty quickly, it's usually baby wanting to nurse again, so I am default. And my mama bear instinct can't take a crying baby.

I also give Dad a chance to handle baby. But if she cries to much b and he can't, I will jump in. Usually she wants to nurse.

Nope.. he can figure it out

Unless he asks for help, I let it be.

With my first I was always swooping in to help, but my first was 100% boob all the time. My second and third were bottle fed for awhile so dad could ultimately soothe with dad.

I’m really bad about swooping in. With my son I did it immediately but with baby girl I will rush my “chores” and come after. It also depends how much I need a break. I get so overstimulated hearing her cry. I need to be better at letting him figure it out but I think I’m getting better day by day.

I give him space to learn and if it's really bad I'll say I'm here if you need me or do you want me to give a try, he does that for me too

Well in my case it’s my wife (2 mom household) but no we don’t swoop in with either of our kids, we both know how to handle them when they start to cry

I had to learn to let my husband soothe her. Most of the time he won't let me take her even if she is crying her lungs out. During those moments you can physically see me cringe and fight back every urge to snatch her away but ik she is in great hands and I have to trust and remember not to undermind his ability to calm her down. If you have a partner who is willing to go through the stress of figuring it out let them. Not everyone is as lucky as we are to be blessed with a helpful partner. My husband shared with me today it makes him feel like he isn't as strong of a parent or doesn't help enough when I step in to calm our daughter down. I had to remind him he is an amazing daddy and our daughter isn't a fussy baby so if it goes on for more than 10 minutes and we've troubleshot together I'd rather step in because I can't take hearing her cry, it hurts my soul.

Depends on how long Shes crying for. I usually just let him figure it out for a minute and if she’s still crying I’ll grab her

@Molly I can’t be sure because I’m in a hetero relationship, but I imagine raising a child with another woman is vastly different than with a man and your response makes me think that’s true. 😂😂 I BET two moms means there is more balance between partners as far as visible and invisible labor that comes with having a baby.

@Kym it’s so hard to hear it when I feel like I can fix it quicker. I think my husband would probably say the same thing if I asked though - that I don’t think he’s a capable dad. I am going to try not to swoop in as much. Part of me feels like I’m not meeting the baby’s needs if I let the him cry with his dad. And I worry about the baby’s and my husbands cortisol levels when he is hysterical. But that’s probably my anxiety talking. Babies cry, it’s what they do. And they are resilient. It’ll be ok, right?

@Mimi that seems like a great strategy. I am going to adopt that because I think sometimes we are guessing. Like I worry that he wants me to take the baby but doesn’t want to ask. Or he worries that I don’t want to take him so I can get a break. Just saying “I’m here if you need me” when I really am ok to step in, relieves that guess work.

@Kasey it’s SO overstimulating

this is my first, but i try to give dad the space to learn. It’s hard to not swoop in especially when all i wanna do is grab baby and soothe him myself but he needs to be able to learn and honestly my little one is about to be 3 months in a few days and dad has gotten so much better at soothing him. Sometimes when he wants to nap he picks whether he wants a nap on me or dad. And he falls asleep on dad almost as fast as he falls asleep on me. He always has me there if he needs help though but dads gotta learn too

@Veronica I honestly think it has nothing to do with gender and just with the type of partner you have. My ex husband was better at some things than my wife and vice versa.