The Vent room: unfiltered

We been besties for a long time, i have told him while friends that I hate when my partner would watch porn cuz it would be make me feel not enough, dirty, ugly, gross. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that he barely watches it & hated touching himself. So I never understood why he would need porn when we would have sex everyday & multiple times a day. He even saved some pics & put a password on an app to hide them. It broke my heart when I found them, felt like I couldn't trust him, still feel that way. Its been over a year or more but it still effects me. I feel like I'm trash, ugly, nasty, just worthless. Idk....

Sometimes it feels like we’re talking, but not really hearing each other. I miss when it felt easier.

My MIL is about to drive me out a window !!!! She always tells me she is there, that she is my village that she loves me and the kids. But I can count the times she has seen the kids on one hand in the last three years. She never is there if I ask for help, if we are low on food and need support nothing. Gets mad at us if we ask for help, but then I hear from people in the community how she buys my friends food/ spends 600 plus on their groceries. Takes my friends out to eat for fun. She hasnt done stuff like that for us though and barely knows the grand kids at all. And to be honest I dont even care that she doesnt help us though seeing her help others so much hurts. But just sucks cause I always wanted a big family and all I have is my mom.

So the trend is. Hi, wanna be friends. Then chat, 3 or 4 messages in and nothing... Silence. That's it. Nothing else. This is like a routine here, makes one wonder, what is the aim of many on this app? To make friends, or frustrate mums, lol, Really🤷