✨️Mindful Mama's Mental Health Support 🙌🏼✨🤗💖

Does anyone else get heart palpitations at different stages of their cycle?

So to preface, I have a history of panic/ anxiety attacks. I get them under high stress situations. Almost physical altercation with my estranged father, father yelling at me while teaching me to drive on the highway, etc. So far only two people have been able to get me to a point where I’m crying, breathing heavily and sorta flailing my arms trying to calm down. My estranged father and my MIL. My MIL has never seen me get to this point as I run out of the room as soon as I start panicking and breathing heavy while upset. Anyway yesterday she and I are talking about our move and visiting arrangements for her grandkids. This conversation quickly escalates as she starts getting irritated and yelling about how we’re taking too long to move and she doesn’t know to continue the trash service etc as their moving out of the house as well. We’re moving about the same time but my family of almost four leaves first in two weeks. I kept answer calmly telling her we can’t move until we get an answer from my husbands district manager about a transfer to the different location we’re moving to. She just keeps saying the same things. “I don’t know whether to pay to keep the electricity on, trash service, etc” and she’s getting more and more stressed out. I kept saying I didn’t want to argue and apologizing for the stress we were putting her through but she keeps going. I should’ve ended the conversation and left but I wasn’t sure if we were talking in circles or making progress and I wanted more of an understanding of things before I left. (We were also discussing our relationship with each other and recent problems). She eventually starts to cry and yelling at me at the same time and tells me to leave. I apologized and left but she kept yelling at me while I was walking away so I told her that her own actions made her get to this point and left. Was this a panic attack? Am I completely at fault here or was it some sort of manipulative tactic? Our arguments have never caused her to start crying before.

I just gotta say, my mental health is a tricky thing to navigate during any month of the year..but, being a single mother during the holidays is the hardest. I can't stand scrolling on fb and seeing all of these people with their happy families, knowing that I did everything I could to keep ours together, only for it to just not work out. This is the first holiday season without my father as well. He passed at the end of Feb..so, idk..just been in my feelings way more than I'd like to be.. If anyone else feels this way, my heart truly goes out to you 🫶🏽✨️

I'm scared to go to sleep at night because idk if my stress is gnna take me out of here. I dreamed of what it would be like for my son to come to me in the morning and I didn't wake up. And it's just us. Nobody would look for me for a few days. He'd be alone 😔 🥺

Long story...

I recently became financially responsible for everything around me (roomie moved out), I'm already a single mom, and my work-life balance never really existed. With that being said, I had to pick up extra OT at work just to make ends meet. But in turn that translates to my family that I'm money hungry, high maintenance, and don't care about being around my son. They usually would pick him up after daycare and keep him on my work days being that I work overnight. After a falling out with my sister, I found my mom (sole caretaker) starting to shift her availability or willingness to watch my son. Now I'm left isolated from my whole family and left with trying to manage it all by myself! I never thought being a single mom would be easy, but I definitely didn't think my whole family would turn on me. Mentally I'm shutting down! I'm tired of crying, tired of talking, tired of stressing about where my next meal will come from. Missing 1 day - 1 week of OT cuts my funds tremendously! And getting a different job is easier said than done when you have to start at the bottom somewhere new and things are already hard. I want to be with my baby all the time but to keep this roof over our head and things afloat....I have to work too. I'm drained! I'm losing my identity! Maybe my son would be better off with someone else...maybe I'm just not fit to do this alone. Idk!