Advice - where do we start?

Hi Theresa! My partner and I are 29 weeks along. I definitely understand what you're getting at not knowing where to start. We went with a company called Rainbow Fertility. I think the name gives it away but they specialize in LGBT families. We found their stall at Brisbane Pride and requested an information pack. You can do this from their website as well. Hopefully they have one in Tassie where you are. You can follow them on Facebook and the regularly host information nights. We went to one and they give you all the information from start to finish. They even have the treating doctors there you can ask any questions to. We went with an anonymous donor so I can't give you any advice there.

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Hi Jessica, thanks so much did the tips! I remember researching them a while ago so it might be time to check them out again. Congrats on the pregnancy ☺️

Hey Theresa! We used a known donor. It was a very natural and easy conversation - he and his wife are our very close friends and they already have children. We chose to approach someone who had a family, as we weren’t looking for a “dad” for our child - so we knew that he knew we weren’t asking with the expectation or want for him to be more involved than being our child’s favourite uncle. The convo was very easy because a) we asked his wife first! But also because I think men who are friends with lesbians kinda have an intrinsic expectation that they may well be asked!!!

Different states and territories also have different requirements around known donor sperm… NSW clinics require the donated sperm from known donors to be “quarantined” for 6months… they test it for all types of stuff.. so factor that in when you want to start trying…. Also if you go with a known donor .. (in NSW) we have to go to couples counselling and counselling with the donor to ensure that you are all on the same page in terms of the pregnancy and expectations around raising the child. You need to be prepared to have conversations around termination if the event of fetal abnormality, genetic testing, disclosure of donor and at what age, parenting style, discipline ( if in co-parent style situation) etc. also your donor has the right to withdraw his sample up until the point of fertilisation… so the moment that the egg is fertilised, he has no legal rights. So for example, if you have spare embryos in the freezer and you wish to discard them once your family is complete..

.. you are not legally obligated to seek their permissions. If you store their sperm… you will have to pay an annual storage fee ($500 pa with our clinic) until you decide to discard it. There is also typically an annual storage for froze eggs/embryos

The thing to consider is that different fertility treatments use different amounts of sperm… So if you are going with an unknown donor, you have to think about buying enough to have multiple attempts and also siblings by a with down the track. So for example… the quanity of sperm is measured in “straws”. From our research from anonymous donors you buy 10 straws for say $2k or however much it is… a donor may only have 60straws available that can be used. And those straws can be purchased by anyone at any time… the legislation in Australia is that a unknown donor can not have more than 5 families (including his own). A lesbian couple who have one baby each (same donor, two different eggs) are considered 2 families. So when purchasing your sperm you need to think about how much you are going to need.

IUI (medics term for turkey basting!) uses 3 straws per attempt. In NSW, most fertility clinics will say you have to have 3 IUI attempts BEFORE you can move to IVF. 1 cycle of IVF uses 1 straw. Depending on your age, the % success rate of IUI varies as the same with IVF. So you can easily get thru 10straws without a successful pregnancy

The other thing to say is that… it typically takes 2-3cycles of fertility treatment (age, health etc depending) to get pregnant… so be kind to yourself during the process… Prioritise your mental health and each other because it can very quickly become all consuming. Also… have a honest conversation about when enough is enough… my wife and I always agreed we would “tap out” after 8 attempts. At various parts of our journey we were both “done” at different times. But we both had an understanding of that that was in the moment and that we weren’t “done”… We had our daughter, 6 months ago, on our 9th attempt. But we walked into that clinic on that day of transfer knowing and agreeing that that attempt was our last. We had 4 pregnancies previously ..all miscarried, and we were just emotionally and physically ready to be done. Our daughter is our little miracle… but if that transfer hasn’t have worked , we were ok with the fact that we loved each other, had a wonderful life,

And that being mummas to 4 fur babies was enough.. So in summary… have those real and raw conversations… plan for the worst but keep that hope because these blessings do Happen… and whilst mother hood is fucking tough… our rainbow baby makes it so worth while x