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ICSI journey

NIAW made me write it ♥️

Unsure whether to post. Wasn’t sure where to share so thought I’d pop it on here first ♥️



With it being ‘National Infertility Awareness Week’, I wanted to share our story. I don’t want sympathy, I just want people to be more aware of those around them, who could be going through similar.


We are 1 in 8.
1 in 8 couples who suffer with ‘unexplained infertility’.
Being a part of this statistic, isn’t just the inability to conceive naturally - it’s constant blood tests and scans, hospital visits and counselling, several different drugs and injections, as well as getting to know all of the hospital staff on a first name basis. It’s from secrets and lying, to tears and fake smiles.
It’s just shit.

When there’s no specific reason you can’t conceive - you are overcome with conflicting emotions.
You’re happy there’s nothing wrong with either of you.. But you’re devastated there is nothing you (or anyone else) can do to help.

“Give it a few months, it’ll happen”. Something which so many people say to you.. a phrase which hurts as much as the first time, every single time.
They don’t mean to upset you, of course they don’t. But when months turn into years - the fake smile and laugh you give when hearing that phrase, becomes more broken each time.


The other issue you get —
You start to almost detest those who get to make the cute pregnancy announcements.
We don’t mean to, but clearly the lack of ‘baby making hormones’ turns us bitter inside. Each announcement hits you in the gut, harder each time, as time goes on.


There’s no fix, and yet you try everything. Changing your vitamins, diet, exercise regime, workload..
You start believing in anything.. “Maybe this is all part of ‘HIS’ plan” you tell yourself.
Maybe it is happening for a reason.
But what reason could that be?!


Infertility is also the biggest relationship test of all time. It’s constant sex scheduling and an emotional rollercoaster for you both.
Why us? Is what you start to think.
Why NOT us? Is what you move onto.


Once the years pass, you get used to this feeling, and you become numb to the world. You ignore the pregnancy announcements as much as you can. You hold back the tears whenever you see a new family out together. And the worst one? When people (who don’t know what you’re going through) make comments - “it’ll be you guys soon” or, “so when are you having kids”.

You smile, or laugh it off. Infertility turns you into a poker face rock,
and an exceptional liar — “We’re not ready”, or “maybe one day” is your response, as it’s the only thing you can bare to say without crumbling.


So, why don’t people talk about this? 1 in 8 go through it, so surely I know someone who’s in the same boat?
It’s almost like we’re ashamed.
Are we defected human beings because we can’t conceive? — The one thing we were bought on earth to do? Surely not.
And yet, we still don’t speak.
Instead, we close ourselves off - maybe even to our partners - and we don’t discuss it. Counselling is a prime choice.. it’s there for free, and it could help you.. but only mentally.
Is that why you don’t go? Because it can’t actually make a baby for you? And when that’s all you want in the world.. anything that doesn’t offer that is pointless. Surely?

I don’t know why infertility isn’t discussed. From such a young age you’re scare mongered into avoiding sex. Do it once unprotected = you get pregnant.
So when you hit the stage in your life to want a family… it’s nothing but a shock. Because you don’t know about it.


After going through the system for nearly 3 years, I’ve learnt so much about my body — I used to detest it. Late periods for no reason, blood levels needing retested due to random spikes.. “ffs body, just work with me for a change”.
It was then forced to… Drugs, hormones & injections were fuelling my body for over 3 weeks until eggs were collected. 5 days later, the strongest one was implanted. Under a bright white light, stark naked, surrounded by 5 people staring straight at me. From then on in, I was technically pregnant.
Then comes the longesttttttttttt 10 days of your life until you can take a pregnancy test. If it’s positive, it’s carrying on with drugs and tablets, then waiting another 3 whole weeks until you can get a viability scan. The scan which tells you whether your body has accepted the embryo,
or not.


Although we are 1 in 8, we’re the lucky side of it. We had our flaming hoops to jump through, got accepted onto a type of IVF (ICSI), had delays and issues, but then we reached the end of our dark tunnel.
We got pregnant.

We’re the lucky ones - first time procedure to work. And yet I feel bad for others who weren’t as lucky.

Every week is a shock - after years of waiting, it’s finally happened & it’s truly surreal.

We made it.
We made a baby.
With a little help from science ♥️