How do you juggle toddler and newborn

Mine are now 5 yrs and 6 months. The first few weeks/months are the hardest. You feel constantly full of regret and guilt! But I promise you it does get better!! It’s not always easy making time for my eldest even now but slowly things are improving and becoming more like normal day to day life. If you want to message me feel free! I’m very honest about how hard being a mum is! X

it’s so hard the first few months, my baby was like this (I don’t have other children though he’s my first) and I found it hard because he was like this most of the time! But It sounds to me like he may be in abit of pain with wind? either that or he just wants some comfort from you. Or it’s something underlying if he’s like this all the time. I remember someone saying to me ‘Remember he has been in the womb for 9 months all cosy and warm and he may just feel lost and lonely, Newborns rely on you so much, your there safe place and it’s a big scary world to them, it’ll get better in time and he won’t need you as much and you’ll miss the times you just wanted it to stop’ and they were absolutely right! (I know you have another child and it’s probably hard) but when doing things with your daughter you could wear a baby carrier, or put him in a swing/chair next to you, he may just want you close by just to know your there. X

It’s very tough. I had a 3yo, 14month old and a newborn. I’m not sure how I did It but I promise you it gets easier. I found a baby carrier useful so you can keep the baby close and still have hands free for the toddler. I found the baby was normally settled if being held so it worked well for me.

I have a 2yr old & 8month old.
My 8month old hates being left on her own for a second & will cry the house down! My 2yr old is incredibly clingy with me so I often have them both in my arms for cuddles on the floor.
It’s bloody tough and I feel guilt that I’m not spending enough time with them separately.
It does get better as your little one gets older and can interact with the older sibling.
I have been using a carrier more throughout the day which has helped.

Have you tried baby wearing? It may help whilst tending you your little girl x

There was 15m between my two and if I’m honest everyday was like a military operation it’s hard to find your feet at first but it does get easier I promise.
I would defiantly consider buying a sling this will make your day to day tasks easier.
What milk is he on? It may be an option to change his formula to rule out colic/reflux too. X

Such a beautiful bubba

I recently went through the same thing. My toddler (19mth) had a cold and ear infection and was very clingy while my newborn(1mth) cried all night because I wasn’t burping him all the way but a carrier definitely helps a lot. To burp faster now I sit him up and apply pressure to his lower back and tbh I try to listen to baby cries explained on YouTube😂. Grip water also helps soothe their stomach fast weather it’s gas or colic

Are you eating very much dairy? I know that when I was nursing if I had very much dairy it made my son very upset because it would give him a stomachache or something.

Have you tried to swaddle him so he feels safe and secure.... things will get easier I promise.

I used a carrier as soon as I could fit him in one. How big is baby? From his side he is new to the world so wanting to be held and close is perfectly natural. Using a carrier or wrap etc will give him that feeling but keep your hands free. For the first month at least it felt like I constantly had a baby strapped to me but it meant I could function and give my daughter what she needed and give my son what he needed, the closeness. Sometimes he had to cry because there’s certain things I can’t do with him in the carrier, like bath time, and it’s awful and stressful but it is getting easier now he is getting older and we have a reasonable routine going

Sending love and good vibes your way! Also, you may not want to try this, but he could need to go to the chiropractor. I know everyone has their own opinions about that, but when my baby was a newborn she also wouldn't settle. Turns out her neck was out and her hip. I took her and after a couple visits she was better. Good luck mama!

I have a 3 year old and 9 month old- the first few months were so very very hard. Sometimes you will have to just let one of them cry for a short time while you attend to the other- and it’s heartbreaking. It will get easier though. What helped my sanity was having allocated times where someone would take one of the kids (even for 10 minutes) and you just really focus on the other one, it’s good for both of you.

Definitely suggest baby wearing and being easy on BOTH yourself and him. You are all just getting accustomed to the new dynamic! It will get easier mama💜

Wish I had answers for you but I’m just here to say I’m right there with you mama. I had my second right before my first turned 2. She has been a much harder baby than he was. I feel a lot of the same things you are talking about so just know you aren’t alone. My second is now 8 months and yes things are getting a bit better, but it’s still hard!! ❤️ Sending lots of love from across the pond!

Omg I know how hard this is! My kids are only 14 months apart🤯
Have you tried swaddling or a baby carrier? I wish I could go back in time just to do this and not leave my baby cry it out just to do what I had to do😭
You’re not alone🥺♥️
My daughter is almost 4 now and my son is 2.5! It gets easier I promise♥️

Hello all. Thankyou for your lovely replies.
I'm just really struggling mentally at the moment . At least I'm getting some sleep As me and husband sleeping in shifts to get by . As he doesn't sleep at all really very well . Will constantly wake and move about crying and whinging . So it is hard . I'm so dreading and nervous for when he goes back to work next week . As I will be on my own with my children for four nights a week and two in the day on lack of sleep . My two year old isn't an easy child , very needy and clingy and needs lots of love and reassurance . Also how noisey and awful he sleeps I find j can't sleep in the same room as him . But no where else to put him at night and he is to small to go on his own anyway. ... Really wish I did not have him . Sounds horrible and nasty but I wish I didn't . :,( I feel I ruined my relationship with husband due to having him as he didn't want another but he was an accident so he resents me and dislikes him a lot x

I also hate the fact it's effecting my relationship with my daughter who I two. She is not sleeping well due to him crying all the time.

They stop crying eventually..
Give it time..
Just attend to him, you never know what's the issue..
He is so tender to cry too much..
Just carry him please..

Your newborn needs you more than your daughter. He doesn’t understand why he’s being put down and left alone after being snuggled with you in your womb all this time.

Definitely get a sling or carrier and wear him if you can’t cuddle him

I see you’ve mentioned you wish you didn’t have him, make sure you’re speaking to your midwife and keeping tabs on your mood as this is a flag for postpartum depression. Ask your partner to step up more. Ask your local support network to help - does your daughter have friends who she can have a play date with? Do you have relatives she can spend a day or night with?

Please speak to your midwife or health visitor about how you are both feeling. Your husband can also suffer with pnd. I felt exactly this way with my eldest daughter (she was also a really difficult baby to comfort and settle) and it turned out I was really struggling with post natal depression. I wish I had addressed it sooner.

Is your son better when he is upright? My daughter also had bad reflux, as soon as we sorted that out she was a different baby.

I know you have said you don't want to get into babywearing but honestly right now I believe it would be your best option. That is what I have ended up doing with my second daughter (my girls are now 3 years old and and 4 months old) it's honestly been a lifesaver and meant that I can cover both of their needs at the same time. Even if just for those first few hard weeks.

Most importantly, please don't feel ashamed. Having 2 is tough, especially those first few weeks. But I promise you it gets easier. Please reach out for help, there's no shame in it ❤️

I have a 4 year old 3 year old their 17 months apart and I have a 7 month old. It isn't a walk in the park I have to split my time up. I have to spend equal amount of time with all my kids. But it doesn't always happen

Please don't beat yourself up about it, it does get better and there is nothing wrong with letting baby cry for a bit if you are busy doing stuff whatever it may be especially if the baby is safe, had a nappy change and has been fed and burped. If baby is in the bouncer or crib/Moses basket play the baby some white noise/ lullaby music to help soothe him. It all takes time Rome wasn't build in a day, your not a bad mum if u fuss then baby will get use to it and want to be held all the time because he will suddenly realise oh I just cry n cry some more and someone will hold me what baby doesn't understand is that their is a sibbling that was there before him that also needs mummy time etc you can always contact your HV she is there to give advice and if your really struggling can point you in the right direction etc.

Look like colic to me are bottle or breast feeding. If u bottle get comfort cow and gate my daughter at it exactly like this

Your newborn needs you! He didn't ask for any of this and he surely isn't TRYING to be difficult. No baby ever tries to be. I also have a toddler and the best way to juggle both a newborn and a toddler in my opinion is through distractions. If my toddler is getting impatient, I find her something to do. Even if it is ripping paper up, as long as I can care for my newborn who needs me. Please look into getting professional help. I am so sorry that you feel that way towards a baby you grew inside you for 9 long months. And im sorry your husband resents him, especially knowing it takes two to make a baby. Please, don't let your newborn feel that you don't want to care for him. He doesn't know any better and he doesn't have anyone else but YOU! 💔

Alot of you who said my newborn needs me more . I think that's utter crap sorry my opinion . Yes newborns need there mothers as there small . But that night my little girl needed me more .
I was on my own that night with my child and my newborn son . She was being sick and had a bad tummy bug . What was I going to do leave her being sick and choking on sick when she was distressed as wasn't well and was crying . No in that circumstance she came first ... he was safe and been fed and well . So left him to cry abit ... but he settled himself so was clearly fine .

I know newborns need comfort but so does my little girl . I'm not palming her off as I have had another baby . She is important and my world ...

I have a 4 month old and a 3 year and was in the same boat. The first 3 months were so hard as he was so unsettled but he just wanted to be near me and I think that’s important for newborns so a carrier was my saviour. I wore him constantly and to be honest I still do s I can play uninterrupted with my son. It’s the only way as I don’t have time to spend hours putting him to sleep. He also has lots of his naps in the pram when we are out so my toddler gets attention. He is much less
Fussy now so it does get much easier as they grow. Good luck x

Hang in there darl. It will get easier, and we all have feral bad nights, especially on our own (all credit to the single mums out there). With my 2nd and then 3rd and 4th (twins) I would sit on the floor with my toddler/s while feeding, or sing songs etc with them. Its ok to struggle with the newborn stage (it is seriously SO lonely), and often things are less than ideal, but its ok. Sometime good enough is just what it has to be. If things are too much contact a friend, seek help, try a helpline, just so you know you will survive and be ok.

So much to unpack here.. I would say speak to your pediatrician and even read this post so that you can get your experts opinion on how to triage when both children need you. They can find you a therapist maybe at free of cost if you can't pay out of pocket. In my experience and education I have learned psychologically what it does to leave a baby as well as believing you can train a baby to get used to not being held when this is their way of getting dopamine something we need as living beings to not be depressed and even more to survive! The old wives tale of training an infant is not correct or helpful and if this is what your doing can be why he is crying dreadfully often. Not saying this is a reason but if could be! Please speak with a professional we on peanut can only do so much!

Hello Hannah, if you can I think it would be useful to get some advice and support with how your feeling. In the kindest way it appears to come across like he’s meaning to be difficult. Have you thought about a sling, he will feel your warmth and comfort while giving you two free hands 💗

I had a very similar situation and I switch my daughter to Karicare goats milk.. It is a tad more expensive but it was a heaven sent for my daughter... After repetitive doctors visits, I ended up trying that myself and the extra money being spent was worth the more rest I was able to get .. It took about 3 days for my daughter to be settled on the goats milk after the change from Apt milk formula.

I literally feel like crying. Poor little baby.. I can assure you he is not being difficult on purpose. I am so worried when you are saying you and your partner wish you guys didn’t have him 😭💔.. please ask for help.
Maybe talking to a professional might help.

He really really needs you. And I know it can be upsetting and annoying sometimes but specially when they are little they need you the most. All the know is the warmth of your womb.

In regards to the tummy problems I used infacol with my baby. He had bad colic and it helped a lot. I later on top up with probiotic drops. And changed his milk to goats milk.. life changer!!

In regards with the sleep I am going to recommend you something some mums in here will disapprove but it worked out for me perfectly. My baby is 6 months and started to refuse to sleep. I would have to literally hold him for 20 mins of him pushing me, fighting me, biting me! Omg it was a nightmare! My mum had insisted
Me to make a hammock.. continue —>

Are you managing them both alone? Where's ur partner?
I have a newborn and a toddler too. It's hard yea. I wear My daughter all the time. I kinda have to, even when I have people working with my toddler cuz my newborn often won't let me be. You aren't meant to do this alone...

Babygirl, first and foremost please let me tell you, I've felt firsthand the way you feel. I've thought the things you've thought. It gets better. Your not a bad mom for feeling anything you've felt and thinking anything you've thought. Shits overwhelming. Especially because of how uncomfortable hearing our babies cry can make us. But please, remember, babies cry. And if your newborn has a clean diaper, a full belly, and a safe space to be left alone, it is ok to let one cry to tend to the other. They will be perfectly fine. If they are crying, that means they are breathing, therefore alive. And at the end of the day that's the main goal right? You are only one person. Stop letting their crying fuel your own minds negative self talk. Once you realize them crying doesn't make you a bad mom, it gets so much easier to juggle having more then one.

I do care . But I am struggling . As it was a shock ... and my mental health wasn't to good before and it's really hit it hard x I just wish things were easier . As my daihhher isn't easy and is very high needs so add a newborn to the mix it's hard .

I definitely feel where you are coming from. I have a fresh 2yrold girl and a almost 3mold boy. She was such an easy baby but hes the complete opposite. He constantly cries and is always hungry. I can rock him, bounce him, walk around, sing, pat, anything i can think of but he wont settle as my 2yrold is hanging all over me. Its very difficult at times. Especially for my mental health.. Postpartum isnt all that fun. But ill get batter. Some things that tend to help my son is being swaddled or full onzies. Also white noise really helps as well as vacuuming. Haha. For some reason the noise calms him and he stays out for a hour or two. I also have a "bean bag" for him. I took a clean sock i dont use anymore, filled it with rice and tied it off. I lay it on his chest tummy or back and it really soothes him. Gives the impression someone has a hand on them. You just have to try different things. See what works.

Just coming here to say I hope you’re feeling better soon. Sickness bugs are the worst. This very difficult phase won’t last forever and you’ll soon settle in to a good routine. Baby and toddler groups were my saviour in those days and a pretty rigid routine to make sure everyone’s needs are met. I would definitely speak to your health visitor thought. It might be the best thing you do

This is a heartbreaking post it really is I’ve been reading through the comments from you and other people s responses and seeing what you’ve wrote about how you didn’t want this little baby in the first place it did bring tears to my eyes. ‘your daughters more important’ which at the moment isn’t the case he needs you more when he’s like this, And if you feel that way about him I really do think you need to speak to somebody about how you are feeling and your feelings towards your baby. I made a comment at the top of this most saying he may have colic. But your baby seems in pain and discomfort with that sort of cry. I was reading through you said your bottle feeding.

What formula are you feeding him? is it aptamil? if so, I’ve heard nothing but bad things about aptamil and baby’s being really bad on it since they changed what’s in it. and some people I know have said the same about it. my baby was on aptamil and he was almost near the same crying in pain, and just really unsettled all of the time. I changed him to kendamil and after that he was like a different baby because it’s got no crap in it, no fish or palm oil either and it’s UK made. This could help with getting him off aptamil. I’ve never despised a milk more for babies (if he’s on that or an other formula) I tried SMA also and my baby was the same it got worse I till I changed to kendamil. and I’ve had no problems since and he’s 4 months now and thriving. you do need to seek some help though with how your feeling. hope this can help you, I know many of people I’ve recommended kendamil to and now there baby’s are completely different to what they were. hope this help you.