Oh wow hun it sounds like you are dealing with a lot. That must be exhausting for you to deal with on a daily basis while trying to raise healthy-minded kids. Have you sought out therapy? It sounds like he's over anxious and could really benefit from pharmacological help. I realize asking him about therapy could escalate things (which we don't want) so is there a place you could go stay and be safe with your kids until you confront him about it? Because honestly, it doesn't sound like a safe environment for your children and I'm sure you're aware of that which is the reason you're reaching out. If he loves his children he'll understand why you've left (temporarily)and perhaps it will urge him to get help. My other suggestion, though it may sound strange I'm serious, is to contact Dr. Phil. He has actually helped 2 of my friends ( 1 was televised and 1 was not) and it has changed their lives dramatically for the better. Unbeknownst to the public, he actually reads the emails that come in.
I can totally understand. My husband obsessive cleans cars and the garage. We make special trips just to wash vehicles. We have to vaccum our garage ...even the window seals weekly and sometimes daily. He cleans his shoes daily and clips his toenails daily. We can not leave the house without laundry all up and dishwasher emptied. This is driving me crazy!!! We do everything over and over and never get anything done.