Birth mom pregnant again/venting

I’m not posting this from my profile just in case but I have no problem with you all knowing who I am … just on the off chance she downloaded this app! My son’s birth mom is currently 5 months pregnant. She has gone back and forth on what she wants to do but now plans to keep the baby … but I just can’t help but feel she is simply not ready. Here are my fears/etc … 1. She’s using drugs and alcohol and justifying to herself by saying our son is “fine” … we know that yet and he got lucky that he doesn’t have any effects yet and also he’s being raised in a very stable home … I know she can’t simply stop whenever she wants but I wish she understood the seriousness of what she’s doing and would get treatment. 2. I’m so afraid she will be drug tested at the birth and the baby will be taken away and left in the foster system indefinitely. I know she’d rather the baby be with us than any other family but what if it’s too late for her to choose? We had a failed match where exactly that happened. 3. Worse, what if we witness something that makes it so we have no choice but to call CPS ourselves once the baby is born? That will destroy our relationship with her and deprive our son of the open adoption. 4. Even if it goes well, how am I supposed to explain to my precious boy that mere months after his birth, his mom felt ready to become a parent? How can I help him understand it’s not about him? 5. She found out recently the baby’s a girl and that’s making it harder for me because I know it doesn’t matter but I want to be a girl mom so badly it hurts. I love my son more than anything but I just really want that and I don’t even fully understand why! 6. I feel strongly its wrong to pressure her and I should pretend to be only happy for her and it’s HARD. She wants us to bring our son to the baby shower! I cannot even begin to explain how badly I do not want to go! 7. I know at least once in the next four months she’s going to get mad at her boyfriend or something and say she wants us to take the baby. How can I handle the back and forth?! I’m really hurting inside, folks. Anyone have words of encouragement? No chance any of you have been through the same thing, right? Let me know.

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Hi. Can you message me? I am not super active on here but I will keep an eye out for a message. I would love to chat because we also just found out our birth mother is pregnant again.

Are you able to get foster certified? If mom or baby tests positive for drugs at birth they most likely will remove the baby from care. However you should be the first call since you have the brother and are considered family.

@Brittany The complicating factor there is that we’re planning on moving to a different state prior to the baby’s due date. I guess ICPC would come into play anyway though … that might be the move! We were thinking of connecting with an agency in the new state that also operates in our current state and trying to get home study approved prior to the due date!

Not the same circumstances but while my hubby and I were going through the adoption process I had a friend who found out they were pregnant and every time she would go back and forth on whether she wanted to keep it or give it to us. She decided to keep but then got it taken away shortly after and because our foster license was through an agency and not the county they went to another family who happened to have a sibling through foster care as well. I learned with that friend not to get my hopes up because she did it with every pregnancy while we were on a waiting list(4 in all). She currently has the 2 youngest out of the 6 she has.

I've been through this and it is SUCH a rollercoaster of emotions. 2 of 4 siblings were adopted by us. The newest baby was born addicted & in the hospital for awhile. There have been multiple investigations without the baby being removed. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. After much discussion, my husband and I have decided that we cannot be an option for future children from the birthmom. Feel free to pm me. Happy to be a supportive ear ❤️

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