Can’t do it anymore

I just had my second LO, my first with my DH. I have kid who I raised alone until we moved in with my now-DH. DH has two kids from previous who are with us two weeks in each month. I’ve tried so hard but I can’t do it anymore. It’s always been tough but new baby has made me realise I just can’t hack it. My stepkids aren’t easy (they are older than my bio but still in elementary) one in particular is really disrespectful, low key, so no one else gets it. I’ve always had to really hold back and go easy but I just outburst recently when there was a stubborn refusal to acknowledge or do anything I asked. Holding back has made me harder on my own kid. He is like a different child around them and feels unreachable. DH treats him like his own (though forgets how young he is) which I can’t do with his kids in the same way - he’ll cut in and defend them if I ever even remotely tell them off for something. I’ve worked hard to build a relationship with them and I know as the adult I need to be the one regulating but I feel like I’m totally failing at that now my reserves are low - I am physically shaking with upset sometimes. I feel like I let my bio kid down for blending a family like this. Now new baby has tipped my relationship over the edge. I’m dealing with cluster-feeding and the absolute insanity of the kids being around and not giving one shit what I say or do, DH is stressed with work and with how I am no longer keen on intimacy (my c section scar is not fully recovered, my mood is low, and I’m having a crisis feeling overwhelmed that I’m suddenly now not working and supposed to be a ‘SAHM’ which I have no judgement over - I just can’t do it. I have adhd and have never ever lived a conventional lifestyle to now, not even with my first kid - we got by, there was pressure, but not in the home) I never imagined having a newborn would be harder with a partner than it was alone but I am learning the hard way that isn’t always true. I want to take my kids and run away - but my bio kid thinks of them all as his family and I would mess him up. I don’t want to be hounded for taking away my new baby from her father. I don’t really want to be alone again, but our relationship has declined so bad I don’t think I can continue. (For an idea of where we are at, I got a valentines present for him with a card reiterating some of my vows to him…he didn’t acknowledge it, chucked it on the floor under the bed without opening). I’ve got myself into such a mess that I can’t undo. If it wasn’t for my babies I’d not be alive right now I don’t think. I feel so bad that I am such a terrible parent and I don’t want to mess anyone up, my kids or the step kids, but I just don’t think I can do it anymore and I don’t know how to fix this. I feel so totally totally lost. I just flipped out grabbed the baby and came to find somewhere to sit and sob. I have to go back soon because I didn’t bring the baby’s bag - and I’m dreading it. I left shaking and sobbing uncontrollably because it’s been like living in a pressure cooker that has just suddenly exploded for me. I have no family or friends I can speak to anymore (all moved away and lost touch - those I have here I don’t know we’ll enough to load this onto)

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@Sla thank you. When I’m overwhelmed my brain can’t finish thoughts let alone get them all out into writing…

Blending families is hard. You have been doing a great job. Can you and your husband hire a sitter for the kids and sit down to talk through everything?

By the sounds of your words, this doesn’t look good and when I read it, my thoughts quickly went to the worst possible scenario. We’ve all heard about mothers losing it and harming their kids. Not saying that this is what you’re up to but some of these situations start like this. Mothers getting overwhelmed emotionally and physically that they can’t get out of the funk..(I’m a psych nurse so I hear enough of these stories). Have you talked to your husband and expressed all you’ve written here? If you’ve already done that and he hasn’t changed then it’s time to put boundaries in place. Be firm and tell him what you can or cannot tolerate. Let him know what will happen if things don’t change.. It gets hard when you have no control over someone else’s kids and if dad is not ready to discipline the kids to make it easy on you then it’s time to get out. Recently I got rid of a boyfriend who wouldn’t protect me from his ex. Plus it was hard getting his daughter to behave.

No Sir, get somebody else to do it..I’m good with my two kids without somebody else bringing drama to me. I also worried coz my kids and his daughter had connected. In the end I chose my sanity.

I feel this, I’m so torn about wanting to be here or not. I love my partner and think he’s amazing, I just can’t handle his almost 3 year old son and his mother. I feel like being here is ruining my own children’s childhood. (I moved away from all my family and support to give this relationship a chance without the distance) and I just feel constantly drained and anxious all the time. My partner has 50/50 and I dread the change over day. It triggers me so much that I just want to cry and run away. I hate the dynamic of the house when we have his son. My 2 kids get overlooked all the time and made out to be the naughty kids when that’s not how they are when his son isn’t around; only thing is he works the 4 days his son isn’t here so he spends minimal time with my kids so it’s not like he sees how they are without his kid around and why it stresses me out so much.

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