Advice please —long story

My husband and I live in a different state than his mom. We don’t see her often and we had a baby 10 months ago that she’s never met. The plan has always been that she’ll come for her first birthday. Today he came home telling me that his mom called him saying that she wants to book a flight to come THIS SUNDAY! Mother’s Day of all days. He’s going in circles so I know there’s more to the story, so I tell him to spit it out!! He says she asked me if it was okay and I told her yeah but I needed to talk to you first but before we hung up she said she already booked it for a WEEK!. Now Mother’s Day is a tough day for me already since I lost my mom 3 years ago and we planned on probably just going to the beach and he was going to make me a nice dinner at home. I don’t need much. I just want to be with my kids and have some time to take a nice long bath or something I don’t usually get a chance to do. There was barely any notice as she’s coming Sunday morning. He tells me he can tell her to cancel, but how horrible of a person does that make me look?!? It’s Mother’s Day and I want him to see his mom, and she can meet her granddaughter. The biggest issue is we’re a family of 5 living in a one bedroom— we have no space. Our kids already put out their mattresses in the living room and my husband and I and the baby sleep in the room. Plus 2 dogs. It’s like living in a tiny home. When he tells me all this, I asked him where will she sleep? And he said I didn’t think about that. Idk we can figure it out. I’m not mentally prepared to deal with my MIL for a week. I recently lost my job so we’ve been struggling financially so I feel like we’re in no position to host anyone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be a bitch and say no. But, I really don’t want her to come now. The plan was always for our daughters first birthday party and she would stay in a hotel. But, springing this on me a day before she comes just threw me all the way off tonight and I can’t help but feel upset.
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He calls his mom and says, “Sunday is too short notice, so sorry you booked before we could give you an answer. I will help you rebook your flight with the airline, there shouldn’t be any extra charge if we do it soon. Does X work for you? “ You could tell her about the job loss, or not. And ask if she plans on staying at your house, it’s ok but she’d have to be comfortable sleeping X

If she planned on staying in a hotel then, she might still have that in mind. On the phone call your husband can ask her about that, and if she hasn’t booked a hotel yet there’s another reason to post-pone the visit. Even if it’s only by a few weeks, it’ll give you time to prep mentally

Thank you ladies. I told my husband but I know he’s upset. I feel so bad because it’s his mom and he hasn’t seen her in 3 years. That’s the bigger problem, she wasn’t planning on staying in a hotel. He told me one of the kids could sleep with us and my mom can take their bed. Everyone is going to be so uncomfortable. He’s giving me options to the reasons I’m giving him. It’s frustrating. I don’t understand why she can’t just come for our youngest daughters birthday that way she has time to find a hotel and more money saved on our end to help her if needed. So I know I’m going to be looked at like the bad guy for saying no after he already told her okay. She’s crying to him telling him she wants to leave for a little while and see us… which I understand. It’s just horrible timing.

I will allow the mom to come and visit. I’m sorry about your mom, I cannot imagine how difficult it’s for you. But now you are a wonderful mama who deserves to be celebrated. Maybe think about that day as the day it means for you and just a the calendar day when unfortunately your mom went to God. If it has been 3 years of your husband and your kids not seeing their grandma I will totally allow her to come. The space is very small, but if she feels uncomfortable guess what? She will find a hotel. However just make a sleeping plan. One of the living room kids sleeping with grandma it’s just one week and they usually love it. Try to enjoy the time with the family. You will survive a week and you do not need to hide the living situation, it’s what it’s for now. But things will always get better just make a plan, she maybe can babysit the kids while you go to dinner with your husband and you all as a family can go to the beach during the day.

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