Cry it out method???

I don’t like doing the cry methods because I know that these moments won’t last forever and even though it might be crying, I’d rather be there for my child so they know that I’ll always be there versus just letting them cry. This is not shaming you in anyway I don’t think it makes your child spoiled. It shows a well-connected bond whenever your babies are clingy, it shows that you’ve taken the time to be with them when they’ve needed you most.

Stay strong mama! Trust your instincts. I’ve read some articles linking behavioural issues and brain development issues in small babies crying too long. Maybe try looking the topic up and coming to conclusions for yourself. That is NOT normal for your dad and his gf to be saying a literal baby 5 month old is spoiled. Not to be rude but that’s very concerning and I would watch them around your baby. You sound like you’re trusting your instincts and doing right by your daughter. I hope you get through this tough time and find support and I’m sending you love. Add me if you ever need someone to talk to even though I am in Canada I am happy to chat ! ❤️

Ok so the replies on sleep training posts seem to be pretty polarized. I have twins and at a certain point had to figure this all out. I talked to a lot of people and read a lot of varying viewpoints. The conclusion amongst everyone is 6 months is the absolute earliest a baby will cry to “manipulate” you. It usually develops between 8-12 months. Then toddlers it’s a whole other level after that. Sleep training before 6 months is therefore pretty universally seen as a bad idea. 6-12 months people can’t seem to agree if it’s harmful or not, and then post 12 months and into toddlerhood versions of sleep training are a lot more accepted. I’m intentionally going to leave out if we decided to sleep train or not as I find it just causes arguments. At the end of the day, you’re her mom. You have to survive and live with the people in your home. That’s the reality. But this will pass eventually. So it’s really about making an informed decision about what you can tolerate. Hope this helps

Hey momma, firstly I want to say that no matter what you choose to do you are a good mom and there is no such thing as spoiling a baby. You didn’t create a brat and it’s good for her to have a strong connection to you. As for cry it out it’s hard. It’s hard on you more than baby and not all babies take to it but if you need rest and you need your Lo to sleep for your mental health it’s worth doing imo. At first I would recommend trying the Ferber method, especially at 5mo. That’s graduated extinction and it corrects behaviors while assuring the child that you are still there to love and support them through this new skill. BUT it doesn’t work for everyone. If check ins make it worse you can opt for full on CIO. We did Ferber at 6mo and it worked great until we messed it all when with teething and traveling. We tried again at 8mo and it was an epic failure so we did CIO and now she sleeps great again. It isn’t neglectful and won’t cause attachment issues. (1/3)

And you can never love your baby too much. Cherish this time. You are her whole world. You are the only thing she cares about. It’s a very special bonding time between mama and baby.

I will also add if you want to encourage baby to be more independent, doing it during awake time is the best place to start! Engaging toys, music and environments will encourage her to explore on her own and get her used to some amount of healthy separation. Might eventually help prepare her for better nighttime sleep There are also lots of options for sleep training as others have mentioned.

Babies can go through clingy periods and only want mum. but it could also be that she is not used to being held by others and she will get used to it soon. I do cry it out when I'm just too exhausted sometimes but otherwise I use the Ferber method. It's like crying out but you don't let it get too far.

Baby’s don’t really form attachment until 1 or older. You cannot spoil or create a monster at all. In fact not rocking and consoling your infant baby will create more problems if anything. Cry it out only works for certain things at certain times like teething, and when they get really fussy sometimes and won’t sleep but are over the age of 1. You really shouldn’t be trying to do that before age 1. Also even after 1 babies and toddlers lack abilities to “play you” or manipulate. They are not that intelligent yet. Anybody who claims they are, just are not educated themselves.

You can’t spoil a 5 month old. She’s not throwing tantrums, she’s just communicating the only way she knows how. Trust yourself, mama, try not to listen to them. You know what your baby needs. I did let my babies cry a little to learn how to fall sleep independently, but I was really consistent and went in to comfort and reassure them (without picking them up) every 15 minutes until they fell asleep. It only took a couple nights of crying before they fell asleep on their own and slept through the night. It was totally worth it for me. And they seem to have very healthy attachments to me. (They are now 17, 15, and 8 months). Good luck!!

Attachment issues are caused by repeated lack of meeting babies emotional and physical needs. If you approach sleep training correctly there is no evidence of long term harm to child development. I would do some research into how to approach each method you are considering properly. With Ferber and CIO you should see improvement within a week( not perfection). And baby will likely still wake up 2-3 times per night to feed and that’s okay. You don’t have to night wean to sleep train. If they fall asleep while feedining just burp and but them back while alseep, if they wake up when you put them down provide comfort and then stick to whatever method you picked. Also with CIO I recommend setting a cry cap. This is for 2 reasons. 1. I dont think babies should be left to cry until morning. 2. It will help you to have a limit and something to look towards to decide if you want to try another route. What that cap is is up to you, my baby cried for almost 2hrs the first 2 nights of CIO. (2/3)

The biggest thing is consistency. If you aren’t consistent it won’t work and it’s not fare to baby so whatever decision you make be sure to stick to it even when it’s super hard. But I want to reiterate sleep training is not neglect! It will not hurt your baby. Just keep loving on them, make sure their needs are met, and stick to the plan you choose. Best of luck! (3/3)

It never hurt mine, my mom said she use to let us cry it out.. of course I wouldn’t let go overboard to the point they hold their breath ect. My youngest son had that issue bad and it would always scare the heck out me! His feelings are easy to be hurt and even now that he’s older. If I would scold him with words he’d just cry to the point he would hold his breath I would have to talk calmly to him to help him catch his breath again so I guess it’s all about knowing your child and how it’s done

I think the cry it out method is ok depending on circumstances sometimes they are inconsolable and Colicky and maybe putting them down to have a minute is ok for them and you as long as you are still paying attention to needs . And sometimes you might have things to do and it’s good for them to learn how to self sooth it dosent mean your a bad mom or anything you just have to find what works best for you and baby

I’m not a fan of the cry it out. I’ve heard so much about babies not knowing how to self regulate and that it doesn’t teach them to self regulate. It just makes them expect abandonment. And I know not everything you read or watch is correct but it makes some sense to me considering humans brains don’t fully develop until their mid-late 20’s and kids don’t learn how to regulate their emotions fully I think around teenager age and even then struggle with some. That being said not every mom can handle being right near the baby when it’s crying non stop. I’ve sadly known a few instances where it resulted in shaken baby syndrome bc the mothers get so stressed trying to get the baby to stop crying. A few of my friends have found swaddling them and trying to soothe them laying down can help. Each baby is different and yours could maybe be a colicky baby. It’s not easy to deal with and I wish you the best of luck!!

Your daughter isn’t playing you and you can’t spoil her at 5 months old. She is adjusting to a world that can be uncomfortable and overwhelming. Crying is her main method of communicating needs - and comfort is a need. I don’t agree with cry it out, but I do believe in creating healthy independent sleep habits. We did the pick up put down method starting around 3/4 months. Basically, I always put her down drowsy but awake. I didn’t rock her or hold her to sleep and no other “crutches”. If she cried I’d pick her up and comfort her and put her back down when she was calm. Sometimes I’d have to pick up and put down five or six times. I did let her fuss, it’s normal while she learns to self soothe but didn’t intervene unless she was getting upset. This is just what we did. You know your baby best, do what feels right for you. If you need to ever talk or want any of the resources I used don’t hesitate to message me! Good luck & you’re doing great.💗

Thanks everyone for the great advice! I’m going to look into the pick up put down method I think!

I literally cried reading some of these! Thanks for all the encouragement and being kind ❤️ I’m so greatful for this app

I’m trying to get out of here they are very toxic and rude

Follow heysleepybaby, infantsleepscientist, restinginmotherhood and islagracesleep on insta. They offer a realistic picture of attachment and sleep for babies of what they instinctively do, rather than sleep training. You cannot spoil a baby with love. The first 3 years are most formative in a babies development. Hug your baby all you want. Attachment leads to them feeling safe which leads to independence. You're doing amazing ❤️

Follow heysleepybaby, infantsleepscientist, restinginmotherhood and islagracesleep on insta. They offer a realistic picture of attachment and sleep for babies of what they instinctively do, rather than sleep training. You cannot spoil a baby with love. The first 3 years are most formative in a babies development. Hug your baby all you want. Attachment leads to them feeling safe which leads to independence. You're doing amazing ❤️

1) It seems to me the real issue is your living environment. You sound like you’re being a very attentive and considerate mama. Five months old is so young, you can’t “hold a baby too much”. That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard(this isn’t the first time). 2) I’ve never been personally able to physically tolerate my baby “crying it out”. We attempted it a couple of times as a last resort and out of desperation. That shit didn’t work for myself or my baby. But, some people do it and have success. There’s research that suggest it doesn’t negatively affect attachment or the child’s well-being later in life, and most Millennials like myself were probably left to “cry it out”, but I still haven’t been convinced to do it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Forgot to mention what’s actually worked for us: Creating a solid sleep routine for naps and bedtime. We keep that very consistent. Even when she struggles to stay asleep it helps all of us feel more relaxed because at least the chaos is structured LOL. Then when she doesn’t, it glides her off to sleep smoothly and swiftly.