Normal brother/sister behavior??
So my son just turned 5 a couple weeks ago, my littlest lady is 1. He has been SO mean to her lately! Yesterday he wanted this little baby book thing and tripped her in the process of trying to get to it before she did. Busted her lip open, it bled everywhere. Now I get a text from my MIL that he SHOVED his sister trying to get to a Lego. She’s ok, but I’m just curious if this is normal? I figured they’d be closer at least for a few years… granted my oldest stepdaughter is INCREDIBLY violent to him and my youngest stepdaughter, and both of my stepdaughters have raised their hand to my littlest acting like they’re going to hit her for whatever reason. So question being is this normal for his age/the age gap or is he seeing the other two being violent and thinking it’s ok. Monkey see monkey do type thing?? The sad part of this is my daughter LOVES her sisters and brother and they’re just so fucking mean to her. I don’t want her learning this behavior or thinking it’s okay. We’ve tried so so many things to stop her siblings from doing what they’re doing and nothing helps. The lying, the violence toward each other… like this is all so frustrating and they could REALLY hurt a baby in general, but especially one that is way smaller than average like our youngest is.
Help me figure out if this will pass!
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It sounds like it could be a combination of normal and watched behaviors. My older sister was so so mean to me out of jealousy growing up. And when we where little (she is only 22m older) she would hit and shove me all the time. But she had never seen anyone be violent. That was just her. But it’s possible that seeing his older sibling be violent has made his reactions bigger than they normally would.
Let’s see he is 5. So maybe take him on a mommy & me date. Have a good day together. Have happy fun. Than after sit and have a conversation about how yalls day together made him feel. Ask questions and let him tell you his feelings and such. Likely he will tell you it was a good day. It was fun. Or that it made him really happy. Than ask him how it makes him feel woth his step sister or someone else is mean to him. Probably say things like bad or hurts his feelings. Makes him sad etc. Than go on to explain how people treat others, like how you treat him (good/positive) Vs sister
(Bad/negative) has a big impact on those people. Ask him how he thinks his little sister feels about his actions. All this is to teach him empathy for others.
It might not click the first time. Or the second. Or third. But it will. Teaching these little humans to be good big humans is a 24/7 job. Exhausting but worth it.
Also I’m sorry the oldest is so mean! I wonder why. ☹️ Kids aren’t born mean. Maybe born rough and more prone to big reactions but not mean.
How old are the step siblings? It sounds like a combination of things to me, but I would strongly recommend some family therapy and maybe separation from the older siblings if it’s as violent as this comes across and that’s possible. I’d also wonder a bit what is going on in the step sisters lives that they are so violent to small children. Could this be a jealousy issue? Does each child need more one on one attention? Are any of the kids experiencing violence or neglect from any of the adults in their lives or at school?
I think this question is better for professionals to answer.
My kids are about that age difference. My eldest has done little things that are mean, but when we discuss it, she's quick to apologize and do better.
If he's learning and doing better, then it'll be okay.
However, the violence from the elder sibs is very concerning. I would worry that he won't be as likely to outgrow it if he's seeing that.
every time I try to take him to do anything one on one it turns into literal hell cause he doesn’t listen and wants to argue about literally everything or be so wild to the point it’s over the top and highly obnoxious. I still try, regardless, but it is never a fun experience.
the oldest is the worst about it. Like she pushes, kicks, punches, bites… and she’s freaking 11. We’ve tried everything to fix her behavior and nothing is working. She’s kinda on an indefinite grounding right now for flipping her younger sister off and calling me a bitch when I sent her upstairs over it. And my grounding rules aren’t followed. Even when I’m home she’s sneaking things upstairs like watching tv or whatever.
but when she’s downstairs it’s nonstop fighting and name calling from her and the lovely “I hate you” and doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing… so I’m like ok I don’t really want you down here either plus I’d like to be able to watch tv without having to worry that she will watch it when she’s not supposed to. Ahhhhhh frustrating.
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