Balance and boundaries with spouses as stay at home moms

What kind of hours/ work does your spouse do? Does he get days off etc? I feel that will help guide you. Mine works 14 hour days one week and then has a week off for paperwork, research etc. During his 14 hour days I do everything, he comes back absolutely shattered. But on the quiet weeks we cook together sometimes, he will wash dishes if I make lunch/ dinner, helps fold laundry, takes out the trash etc. Esp now that I’m pregnant he knows I’m tired so will already help if he sees me doing something. We don’t have kids yet so I can’t comment on how to split child-related stuff.. I think a good place to start would be to have a conversation about how you feel and see what he can bring to the discussion. Unless you speak up he won’t know that you’re not happy with the current situation. Being a stay at home mom is a 24hr job. If he doesn’t see that then maybe make a list of all that you do or switch roles for a day so that he gets the full experience 😊

I saw an Instagram reel that laid it out really well. She said to look at staying at home like a 40-45 hr per week job. Anything outside of those hours needs to be split 50/50 with the spouse working those hours outside of the home. The main priority during those hours is childcare and that’s the expectation. Any man who feels the house should be spotless and shouldn’t life a finger when home needs a reality check. Not saying that’s your situation but I see that wayyy too much and I want to smack those men upside the head 😂

That’s hard, but my suggestion is to Think about what is do-able for him and helpful to you…for example I cook all of our meals, but on Sunday I have my husband do food prep, so he sliced fruits and veggies, pounds chicken, etc. it sounds kind of silly but saves me a ton of time in the evening and makes cooking dinner a breeze. It takes him a little over an hour Sunday evening to do it all and I am grateful for the rest of the week

Just have a discussion about expectations and divvy up the chores fairly without sounding like it’s an order haha my husband takes care of the lawn care, garbage, and cooks dinner most nights while I do laundry, dishes, floors, everything else and it works for us. Men like to feel needed and helpful so just emphasize how much you need it and how helpful it would be lol

I feel like when you partner is home from work then his work day is over but yours should be aswell, and from that point everything that needs doing is split down the middle, kids need bathing and putting to bed, dinner needs to be cooked, dishes need to be done etc so put the kids to bed together, cook dinner together someone wash the dishes as someone puts them away etc or take a job each, someone get kids bathed and in to bed while other is doing dinner

So far I’ve learned that my gen X lazy bastard will only act right when I threaten to stick my toe up his hole. I’ve learned I have to threaten this at least 3 times a year to get the bare minimum from him 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

It’s super hard because I want to have fun once my husband comes home but find myself worn out if I do everything before he gets home 😅 when we got married we said whoever doesn’t cook does the dishes and clean up, I try to clean as I go so it’s not crazy but am there’s always wiping up to do after. Anyways, I think setting up reasonable and clear expectations for husbands is nice because then you both know what to expect from one another and it’s just easier. And then something I have a harder time with is when I did need more help to be direct and to ask for it and not resent him for not offering. It’s kinda stereotypical to say this but my husband is not good at reading my mind and I really want him to be 😅 but he doesn’t take hints and I just have to say “I need more help this week/day, please do xyz by x time, thank you”. Idk why but guys need things spelled out sometimes/most of the time 🥲

My husband is a police officer , so when he gets home , I don’t feel great having expectations on his behalf. He provides for us financially & it’s important he’s well rested for next day. However , when I need help. I ask for it. I just don’t have specific expectations that he needs to be done. It works very well for us :)

Household chores are jobs you both should be doing even if you’re the one home all day. You’re not his mom lmao. What gives him the right to live in his own house chore free? My boyfriend works all day too but we take turns cooking/cleaning dishes and laundry. There are days when we do everything ourselves when the other is sick or something. Even before we had our son, we split the chores. But yeah, you should definitely set your boundaries with him. Good luck girl!

My husband works a 9-5 and I stay home. He grew up with a sahm and he had to learn how to take care of house work when we got married. After we had our first we came to the decision that while the kids are little the kids are my job from 9-5 and we split everything else. Some jobs are always his like taking the big trash cans to the curb on Tuesday and some jobs are always mine like laundry. Things that are not designated jobs we just communicate about based on our energy level and capability. I’m currently 20 weeks pregnant so he’s had to help me with some stuff I usually do like scrubbing tubs because it’s just more difficult for me to bend over right now. We talk a lot about what the expectations of the house are. And we usually trade off watching the baby and cleaning on the weekend. I think communicating about it is really important and eventually it became more natural for him to look around and just help out but it was defiantly a struggle getting there.

My husband works 9-10h a day and tries to go to the gym in the evenings before coming home. During the day I’m trying to take care of chores like laundry or dishes (no harsh cleaning supplies tho) Here’s how he’s supporting me: In the mornings we wake up together with baby and he’s changing her diaper, get her dressed, opens Bilds and makes the bed while I’m in the bathroom getting ready When I’m done I take over with baby and finish anything that’s not done yet. While he’s getting ready I make coffee for everyone and feed baby & change again When he’s ready we’re sharing my car to drive to his office where I drop him of. After that it’s me and Baby until 8/8.30pm (on gym days) or 6/6.30pm (on non gym days) When he gets home I’ll start cooking or have dinner ready. He’s eating dinner while I am nursing after that I hand Baby over to him. He gets a chance to spend time with her and I can take a long shower, read a book or go to the gym myself.

We will have some family time together and I nurse baby one last time before I go to sleep. He will take 100% care of baby until she’s falling asleep around 10-11pm When she’s sleeping he’s snacking & cleaning up the kitchen + taking care of all trash Works well for us. It’s all about communication! We found chores he can include in his day without disrupting our schedule

I’m not a sahm BUT am the breadwinner while my husband stays home. He doesn’t expect anything from me in regard to chores. He understands that his part is taking care of the house and kids. We both do our 50/50 as we see fit.